Pet Diaries

[nicholmere]

Welcome to the Pet Diary thread!


The Diary had its humble beginning as an excerpt from a SPAM/joke e-mail, but, Leaping Lizards, Batman! you should read it now. The contributions by Murasaki a.k.a Naomi on behalf of two quite intelligent felines named Neko-chan and Kushi have made this a must read thread.
:book: :book: :book:

The original thread began in April 2002, and this thread begins in January 2003.

Curious about what happened in 2002? Just click here: Dog and Cat Diaries 2002
Don't miss the tales of Neko-chan and Kushi as they prepared for the holidays

This thread is open to everyone so if you, or your pet , are inspired to answer the question "How was your day?" please jump right in.

[murasaki]

Day 2078

The omens have once again begun to manifest themselves, though this time much more quickly. We hope this means Our sojourn here is drawing to a close and we will be returning to Our primary temple.

We are not pleased with the behavior of the sub-acolyte and have left several hairballs around the temple as evidence of Our displeasure. The sub-acolyte has no respect for Our supremity and appears to take great pleasure in hoisting Us and Our sister onto his shoulder in the most undignified positions.

We have observed his simple-minded scheming to depose Us from Our exalted positions. The acolyte, however, is too devoted to Us to ever allow the sub-acolyte to put his silly plans into action. We decided to leave him a special present on the bathroom rug after he kept Us imprisoned in the water torture chamber far too long yesterday. We merely basked in the acolyte's adoration as the sub-acolyte cleaned up the present.

--Kushi, the dignified kitty

[murasaki]

Day 2102

The acolyte abandoned us again for a few hours today, as is her wont of late. She came in reeking of another demi-goddes. The single, sad conclusion is that the acolyte has visited and paid homage in another temple. We feel so betrayed.

We hid in the kitchen, affecting an attitude of disdain, to keep the acolyte from realizing how much she has hurt Us. Our sister seems intent on obliterating the scent of the alien demi-goddess by wallowing in the acolyte's lap and rubbing her nose on the acolyte's soiled sleeves.

We have gradually allowed the acolyte back into Our good graces and even favored her with a short perch on her lap. We must ensure that her loyalty to Us and Our esteemed sister remains true or We must needs replace our humble acolyte with a more deserving follower.

--Neko-chan, the sulky kitty

[murasaki]

Day 2109

This afternoon, the acolyte decided to submerge herself in the largest fountain in the water torture chamber. She does this occasionally with very interesting foam that We like to play with. Today, however, as We jumped lightly onto the side of the fountain, We slipped and our nether regions were quite soaked. We hurriedly scrambled out of the fountain and galloped out of the water torture chamber so that We would not have to endure the acolyte's howls echoing off the tiles.

We did manage to leave behind several puddles of water in the toture chamber and the hallway but We are plotting further revenge for sometime this evening. Water is an evil thing.

--Kushi, the clumsy kitty

[nicholmere]

Poor kitties

[murasaki]

--naomi

[jenninca]

That reminds me...I haven't tried out bubbles on my cat. :grins evilly:

Cindy

[murasaki]

Day 2118

We are not pleased with the acolyte's procrastination of Our feeding times. To show Our displeasure as meal times approach, We walk back and forth over her computer keyboard when she's petting it. She's getting testy about this and tricking Us and Our sister into leaving the room--she rises as though she were going to go to the kitchen to feed US, but then merely shuts the door once We have exited. We are NOT to be trifled with in such a manner and have decided that door rattling is not enough. We will begin holding her phone line hostage where it runs under the door and see if this produces better service in the future.

--Neko-chan, the threatening kitty

[murasaki]

Day 2122

The acolyte appears inordinately stressed for some mysterious reason. Unlike her usual tidiness, which is quite decent by human standards, the acolyte has papers spread all over the office. She squeals incomprehensibly whenever We or Our sister dislodge one of her piles. She rather melodramatically buries her head in her arms on the desk and half-heartedly pecks at the keyboard. The acolyte keeps muttering something that sounds like "thee-sus," but her language is so garbled, We cannot be certain.

The acolyte has also taken to wandering about the temple and will interrupt our naps to rub her face in our fur and sigh heavily. We offer what comfort We can during her time of need, but suspect that the acolyte is merely avoiding genteel labor.

--Kushi, the comfort kitty

[soxfan[$]]

[murasaki]

Day 2125

The acolyte has lately closed the door to the water torture chamber, knowing that We prefer to drink water from the small fountain there instead of our water bowl. In retaliation, We have taught Ourself to jump and grasp the doorknob. Sometimes, if We hold on and shift the knob in the correct manner, throwing Our weight against the door, We are able to open the door by inches. It is a tedious process, but We shall persevere.

We are hoping that our next temple has handles instead of knobs. So much easier to manipulate.

--Neko-chan, the door-opening kitty

[murasaki]

Day 2127

The acolyte tends to lie in bed after she wakes up, clearly to avoid feeding us. To motivate her, We will jump onto the night stand and make noise rubbing against the lamp shade. If this produces no reaction, We nudge small articles off the edge; they land with a rather satisfying thump on the floor. Then, We must jump down from the night stand and run from the room before the acolyte can locate the squirt bottle. Luckily, the acolyte's reactions at this time of day are inordinately slow. We then return to knock the next item off the night stand. This morning, We succeeded in knocking off her glasses, her reading journal, and a watch before the acolyte succumbed and got out of bed.

Because of this tardiness, a hairball strike was in order. We timed our attack perfectly since the acolyte was engaged with putting in her contacts. She heard the initial sounds signaling a hairball strike and came running from the water torture chamber. Fortunately, we had chosen the dark blue chair as our strike point and the acolyte did not see Us until after we had deposited a hairball on the seat. We were perfunctorily deposited in the water torture chamber until dinner time, though We heard the acolyter muttering, "I wish you would stop chewing on plastic bags." Altogether, a successful campaign.

--Kushi, the plastic-bag-eating kitty

[murasaki]

Day 2127

We and Our sister have had a lovely day. After Our sister hacked up a hairball before breakfast, We managed to vomit Our breakfast on the rug in the water torture chamber. Then, this afternoon, Our sister sneaked some parmesan cheese intended for the acolyte's dinner and vomited on the rug in the hallway and a large hairball on the floor of the water torture chamber.

We think the acolyte is now afraid to go to sleep. Lovely day all around.

--Neko-chan, the puking kitty

[murasaki]

Day 2140

Ah Spring! Our favorite time of year. We feel so benevolent with the return of warmer weather that We spread our divine essence everywhere in the temple.

We also made a small coup the other day. While the acolyte was attempting to get Our food for dinner a few days ago, We and Our sister wound in and out of her feet. The acolyte's balance is so atrocious that she fell against the pantry door and pulled the hinge plate off the door. As a result, the pantry door no longer closes properly. The acolyte immediately placed Our food on top of the trash receptacle. A mere three feet is no challenge for Us; We had chewed a large hole in the side of the bag and had almost broken through to Our kibble when the acolyte found Us. She moved Our food to the top shelf--a little too high for Us to jump. We so despise being foiled--and everything was going according to plan too.

--Kushi, the hungry kitty

[murasaki]

Day 2144

We have lately discovered that the acolyte is terrified of our glow-in-the-dark eyes. We were innocently reposing on the fluffy mat in the water torture chamber when the acolyte, unaware of our presence, glimpsed Our eyes glowing and made a high sound like "Aiiieee!" She shuddered and immediately flipped on the light. We have decided to press our advantage and have taken to waiting for the acolyte in dimly lit rooms for just the right glow-in-the-dark effect. Our reign of terror is just beginning.

--Neko-chan, the crouching kitty

[murasaki]

Day 2151

We do not like this "Daylight Savings" madness. Last autumn, the acolyte moved Our breakfast and dinner times to an hour later. This spring, she has not moved Our feeding times at all--We should be getting Our food an hour earlier. 6:30 comes and goes and the acolyte holds out until 7:30. Does she think We cannot read the clock?

For this egregious withholding of Our kibble, the acolyte must be punished. This morning We and Our sister raced back and forth across the bed (the acolyte was still in it) for several minutes before she dragged herself to the water torture chamber. We made a hairball strike yesterday but will attempt another today. This tyranny must be stopped!

--Kushi, the hungry kitty

[murasaki]

Day 2165

Last night We realized that a ghost had invaded the temple and was attempting to haunt the acolyte. We saw the ghost come in the bedroom door and remained absolutely still until We could ascertain its purposes. The ghost had a cruel face and just as it was about to touch the acolyte with its cold finger, we sprang upon it and chased it out of the bedroom. Piddly ghosts are no match for our supreme powers and We soon banished it from the temple.

The acolyte, of course, remained blissfully unaware of the entire spectacle.

--Neko-chan, the ghostbuster kitty

[murasaki]

Day 2168

We are saddened to report that Our sister is in the throes of addiction. The acolyte has attempted to break her of this horrible malady but to no avail. Our sister is addicted to toothpaste. She licks toothbruses left out and chews on the handles; she licks the tubes and will bite holes in them to get more toothpaste; she even bites into tubes that do not have toothpaste in her frenzy for her next fix! The acolyte has tried to hide the toothpaste from Her but the acolyte's piddly efforts do not take into account the supernatural powers of a demi-goddess who can open cabinet doors by Herself.

--Kushi, the intervention kitty

[murasaki]

Ode to the Acolyte

by Neko-chan, feline demi-goddess

It always starts with the ear-licking
until someone's neck is bitten

Two languid creatures of leisure
transformed into whirling dervishes of black fur
Streaking across the floor
Banking off the couch
Twisting and batting in the frenzied melee

On the edge of a fine fracas
to punctuate another lazy day
Until someone slowly begins to lick a paw,
the other loses interest and lopes away

Oh, and the fights We could have
Damn that bitch for having Us declawed!

[murasaki]

Day 2187

We have seen the Signs. We will be changing temples soon. First, the acolyte removed all the old magazines piled up behind our litter box. Then she removed all the boxes piled in another corner--of course, We liked playing in those boxes and vomited up a hairball to show Our displeasure. Today, she took all the pictures down off the walls and the ceramic and wooden faces that represent Our absent worshippers. And for the coup-de-grace, the acolyte did her laundry (a rare event) and got the suitcases out of the closet.

We amused Ourself briefly by having a bath on the warm towels as the acolyte tried to fold her laundry--she was in such a hurry We were unable to bless everything with Our divine essence before she put it away. We did manage, however, to bless the empty suitcases before the acolyte started putting clothes in them.

--Kushi, the kitty who loves dryer-warm towels

[murasaki]

Day 2195

A change of temple appears imminent. We were locked in the water torture chamber all day with no company except Our Sister and the occasional visit from the acolyte, the sub-acolyte, and, apparently, three new worshippers (the new worshippers disappeared before We were allowed out of confinement).

The sub-acolyte happened to venture in for a visit when We had just entered a portal to another dimension. He looked under the small fountain, in the large fountain, in Our litter box, on the window sill, behind the door. He hurried from the water torture chamber and summoned the acolyte. She also looked for us frantically, then left the water torture chamber to go careening about the temple calling Our name. She was desperate enough to get out some dry cereal in hopes of coaxing Us out of hiding. We had returned through the portal underneath the tank portion of the mid-size fountain as soon as she had left the room. Finally, she heard Our cries coming from the water torture chamber and entered to find Us and Our Sister sitting on the rug as usual. The acolyte was thankful enough to pay homage and portion out a few grains of dry cereal. Humans...

--Neko-chan, the teleporting kitty

[murasaki]

Day 2199

All of Our furniture and things are gone except the bare minimum that We, Our Sister, and the acolyte require. The disruption of Our routine and the removal of all Our things is quite distressing. We suspect the acolyte is merely waiting for an opportune moment to attempt to stuff Us into those evil carriers and from there into the noisy moving thing. We and Our Sister have decided to spend the day napping atop the kitchen cabinets where the acolyte cannot reach us. After all, her step-ladder is gone as well.

--Kushi, the napping kitty