Bringing home the bacon

**pluckyduck** · #1 07-11-2001, 08:10 PM

With apologies to my kosher friends...think of it as "Bringing Home the Turkey Bacon" if need be.

I've always had a topsy turvy version of the traditional family economic model. First husband and second, I'm the breadwinner. Personally, I think I would have a difficult time having it any other way, but I've never been in a position where I've had to make another decision.

The other night, Don and I were sitting on the porch with a new acquaintence, a Dad of a friend of Dan's. He was, really, pouring his heart out about how much he wishes he could talk his wife into trading places with him for a few years. She's currently staying home with the kids and he wants so much for her to go back to nursing so he could stay home with them. She's not biting.

Another friend of ours is "this" close to "retiring". The family has been planning it for a couple of years. The wife has an executive position pulling in good money. Even though he has an executive postion (just one level below hers), he's ready to trade in the six figures, just so he can coach the girls softball teams and really be there for them as they make it through elementary school.

I can't tell you how many men I've talked to over the years who would love a crack at a non traditional family economic situation.

So, what do you folks hear? What do you think? Would it work for you?

Andrea

**amykhar** · #2 07-11-2001, 08:23 PM

It didn't work for us. In part, because the finances were too tight. In part because my husband couldn't take it.

The isolation of being at home with small children day in and day out is just as bad for men as it is for women. The plain truth is, most of our neighbors and friends work. There is nobody but the children to talk to all day long.

Now, DH is working in a job that basically only pays for daycare, his lunches, and his cigarettes. It doesn't help the family financial situation any, but he's not stir crazy anymore.

Of course, now he's back to bitching about work. Maybe some people aren't happy no matter WHAT they do. Perhaps we aren't the best example

Amy

**hadassahchana**[$] · #3 07-11-2001, 10:28 PM

Kevin would give anything for a shot at this! He would love to volunteer at the children's school, take the two babies to the library and stay home with sick kids if necessary.

Unfortunately, IS blew last month, so he can't act on this just yet...

Cindy

cristina1 · #4 07-12-2001, 02:48 PM

Jay actually would have loved the chance to stay home with the kids when he got out of the army. He spent so much time away while enlisted that he wanted to make up for it.

I know a guy that was a stay home dad for the longest time. He is working now that his kids are in high school, but he seemed to really enjoy bonding with his boys.

My brother likes to take time off to spend with his kids also. He owns his own business, so whenever it is slow, he is out the door running home even if it is only for an hour.

Redlass · #5 07-12-2001, 04:25 PM

It works out great for us. My husband had a job that he hated, I have a job I love. When we added up all our expenses, it was costing us money to have him work. He's much happier now. Even though he does take the occasional acting job (whenever one comes along), he typically feels guilty about not being at home for those jobs.

The arrangement has fit both of our personalities perfectly. The downside is that he has to take a lot of flak from other people (especially family members) and is often looked down upon because he "doesn't work" (never mind that his "job" has longer hours than mine does). I can't tell you how infuriated I get when people are condescending to him because I'm the only one bringing in a pay check (with the few exceptions of when he gets a paying acting job). It's also tough because all of the playgroups and such are geared toward mothers and children.

**pluckyduck** · #6 07-13-2001, 09:07 AM

Bridgette -

If hubby intends on staying on this path awhile longer, I'll say that it does get easier.

For some reason, when Greg was home with the babies, it was less socially acceptable than Don being home with the boys, now that they are 7 and 9. I think the image of a Manly Man knee deep in diapers and bottles of formula is less All American than a Dad doing homework, driving the kids to Karate lessons, male bonding while making dinner, etc. etc.

Also, we put together a home business for Don as a vendor of my company. Not only is he able to bring in money, working himself around what the kids need, but Don can give whichever answer suits him when people ask what he does. He's either a business owner or a stay-at-home Dad, depending on his mood or his audience.

Now, as far as being infuriated at people being condescending, don't even get me started. Man or woman, it is so absurd to think that some people have such backward ideas about the contribution a stay-at-home parent is making to the family.

To me, a family looks at their situation and makes the best decision they can make for the family....and everybody ends up making some sacrifices. I'm under a lot of pressure to keep our family moving forward economically. There's no deciding to quit my job tomorrow and take up sculpting or freelance writing or whatever. The family put their financial eggs in my basket, and my sacrifice is accepting that responsibility and living up to it.

Don's career background is in restaurant management ...that's what he went to school for, that's what he's done most of his life. Well, managing restaurants and family life don't go very well together, and so, for his family, he made that sacrifice.

Now the trick

is for me to make enough money so that 10 years from now, when the kids are almost out of the house and we no longer have to worry about the hours, he can open his own restaurant instead of managing other people's restaurants.

That's a family.

Andrea