Nouns: Male or Female

[Mrsfitts]

From the Washington Post Style Invitational in which it was postulated that English has male and female nouns, and readers were asked to assign a gender to nouns of their choice, and explain their reason.

The best submissions:

Detective Novel -- F; because you're not supposed to peek at its end the minute you pick it up.

Swiss Army Knife -- M; because even though it appears useful for a wide variety of work, it spends most of its time just opening bottles.

Kidneys -- F; because they always go to the bathroom in pairs.

Penlight -- M; because it can be turned on very easily, but isn't very bright.

Hammer -- M; because it hasn't evolved much over the last 5,000 years but it's handy to have around and is good for killing spiders.

Tire -- M; because it goes bald and often is over-inflated.

Hot air balloon -- M; because to get it to go anywhere, you have to light a fire under it. And, of course, there's the hot air part.

Web page -- F; because it is always getting hit on.

Web page -- M; because you have to wait for it to reload.

Shoe -- M; because it is usually unpolished, with its tongue hanging out.

Copier -- F; because once turned of, it takes a while to warm up.
Because it is an effective reproductive device when the right buttons are pushed. Because it can wreak havoc when the wrong buttons are pushed.

Magic 8 Ball -- M; because it gives monosyllabic answers that usually indicate it did not pay attention to your question.

Ziploc bags -- M; because they hold everything in, but you can always see right through them.

Sponges -- F; because they are soft and squeezable and retain water.

Critic -- F; What...this needs to be explained?

Subway -- M; because it uses the same old lines to pick up people.

Hourglass -- F; because, over time, the weight shifts to the bottom.