What is the WORST childcare advice that you have ever got?

**amykhar** · #1 07-25-2001, 12:13 PM

It seems everyone likes to meddle with parents -even people that don't have a clue about raising kids.

What is the worst parenting advice anyone has ever given you?

When my oldest was born, my ex's relatives wanted me to tie her arms down so that she wouldn't be all curled up. That was just one example some of the really DUMB things they wanted me to do.

Amy

Workingmomof2 · #2 07-25-2001, 03:23 PM

When my son was 5, and a brat (okay, I said it) I was told to read Dare to Discipline as well as The Strong-Willed Child. Both basically advocate increasing punishments including physical punishment. This did NOT work for my son - and everyone I know basically was riding me to whap the crap out of my son. (Sorry, but it's true). We tried this - even went as far as getting out the wooden spoons - and all it did was escalate his anger. I followed all the suggestions - set clear guidelines, etc.

It didn't work -- in fact it backfired. The worse the punishment, the worse the behavior. It was to the point where we were saying he needed counseling, or some major adjustment to our living situation, because it was so bad.

What worked for us was loving him - sitting, holding him and hugging him, telling him we loved him - and waiting out the anger. Giving him space, when needed, but dealing with the anger without violence or yelling.

He's not perfect now, but he's 100% better. Some people cannot believe it's the same kid... me included. I'm sure some of it is maturity but a lot of it is style. That isn't to say we never yell at him - or spank him - but the worst advice I ever got was that the reason he was so poorly behaved was that we didn't physically discipline him. I believ that "spare the rod" is meant to mean spare the discipline -- and that the "rod" does not have to be a physical beating (or even spanking) for every infraction.

I know, I really OUGHT to write a review on this... tell other parents to just skip those books and try hugs instead...

**conradd** · #3 07-25-2001, 05:11 PM

Yes, yes, yes. I got the same advice when my son was a spirited toddler, but he has grown into a very self-disciplined young man - something my oft-spanked nieces have yet to learn.

Besides spanking, the worst advice I got was from my mom who told me to burn flour in a cast iron skillet and apply it to my newborn son's diaper rash. I tried it for two days and it kept getting worse - finally (over her objections) took him to the doctor where he was diagnosed with a yeast infection and put on antibiotics.

Deb

Redlass · #4 07-25-2001, 06:09 PM

Oh, Amy, my mom gave me those books when I was pregnant. She's a big Dobson fan. I refused to read them. I'd already made up my mind on that topic--in part because that philosophy was used so frequently on me.

jnbmoore · #5 07-25-2001, 09:58 PM

EZZO!!!!

I like some of the stuff in Dobson. I see him between Sears and Ezzo. I take what I need and leave the rest.

But Ezzo is pure evil.

Bridge
who was also told to get rid of the cat when I was pregnant with Faith. I just explained I had the cat longer than hubby and the one with less tenure would go first......

mtbat · #6 07-25-2001, 10:03 PM

My daughter has an outie belly button-my mil told me to tape a quarter to it to make it go in-okay, let me tape a MAJOR choaking hazzard onto my baby's body? k-yeah fine-NOT

KateTPZ · #7 07-26-2001, 08:48 AM

When Chris was about 3 a "biting epidemic" broke out at his day care; Each day it would either be "Chris was bitten by ..." or (worse) "Chris bit ..." Well-meaning friends told me "bite him - he'll see that it's not a good thing to do."

Yeah, I'm going to bite my toddler - I don't think so!

Lisa_J · #8 07-28-2001, 02:40 AM

As you already know Bridge.... I wholeheartedly agree with you --
Bozo, I mean EZZO

is the worst!!!!

I have taken a thumping by some people for posting 3 anti Ezzo epinions,

but I don't care.

Dobson actually has some okay things. I am not fond of spanking. For real advice dealing with strong-willed, I like the term spirited and believe that Mary Kurcinka has the market on that book. I highly recommend it!

I have always been firm about not letting other opinions be superimposed onto my parenting beliefs. I really really like author Cynthia Tobias (the way they learn) and have read all of her publications. :book:

My Mother cringed at so many of the methods we used / didn't use. She was raised under a very authoritorian father, raised us with spanking, and tried to impose many a thoughts onto me. *I can't hear you*

Anyway, regardless of that, my children still used binkies - slept in my bed - have been allowed to have their hair as they wish - can go outside without a coat - ........

#9 07-28-2001, 09:03 AM

The worst? Hmmm....

At first, I was going to give the honor to the twit preschool teacher that suggested that I make my daughter sit on the potty every half hour and make her stay there until she did something. (Excuse me, can YOU pee on demand?)

But then, I remembered the absolute worst advice. When my daughter was a baby and not yet walking, she had really chunky legs. Everything else on her was thin, though. I never fed her more than what any of the books I could find said was normal, so I didn't think about it. I just figured that it was because her legs weren't exercised enough because she wasn't walking yet.

During her 6 month check-up, her usual doctor was out on an emergency, so another doctor in the practice saw my daughter. This guy was no pixie himself, but he sat there and berated me because of my daughter's chunky legs. He told me that I should feed her half as much, even though that WOULD mean that she was eating much less than recommended for a child her height. So I asked him what to do when she started to scream in hunger. "Oh... just ignore it." he said.

Dork! He obviously never heard my daughter cry when she was really ticked off.

A couple weeks later, I went back and talked to her normal doctor. He looked at my daughter, looked at the charts, and took a really deep breath. He then said that my daughter was just fine.

The next time I took my daughter in for a checkup, the doctor that said my daughter was fat was no longer a member of the practice.

*emeleel* · #10 07-28-2001, 11:36 AM

I've been pretty lucky, I really haven't had any *horrible* advice thrown at me. Just mild things like:

2 week check-up for child #1 - nurse asked how he was sleeping, and I responded laughingly, "Oh, great....as long as he sleeps with us!" (Very high need child, needed lots of physical contact) She practically *jumped* down my throat and couldn't get the words out fast enough, "Don't start that or you'll never get him out of your bed!" ("Never" did last almost 3 years, but that's not the definition I was taught....

)

When he was 6 months old and still not sleeping through the night, the Dr. gently suggested that we might have to let him "cry it out" and again said nurse was happy to butt in and offer the name of Dr. Ferber's baby sleep book. I saved my money.

As far as books go, I do like Kurcinka's book, but it seems geared more to toddlers and above. I like Dr. & Mrs. Sears' books, especially their High Need books. Those were my savior when I was pulling my hair out with such a difficult baby!