Are your children more spoiled than you were?

[amykhar]

Sorry to discriminate, but this is a question for parents only. A recent poll says that Americans feel that children today are more spoiled than we were as children.

Do you agree?

If you agree that they are more spoiled, should anything be done to correct it?

If so, what?

Amy

[cristina1]

Good question. I would have to say, yes, kids are more spoiled today than they were when we were younger. I put it to the fact that we are so afraid of damaging a child's self-esteem that we tend to go overboard the other way.

Just think of the threads we have had on the soapbox lately - taking away valedictorians, cutting out awards, suing schools for having peers grade papers. It seems like kids arent learning that hard work pays off anymore. We are trying so hard to make our kids feel good about themselves that we are taking away everything that life is about.

I dont agree with going back to old ways of discipline, but I do think we just made a total 180 degree turn and instead of helping our kids, we are hurting them in a different way. We need to find a happy medium.

[jnbmoore]

Hmmm, Just cause Monkey girl's bed time is later than hubby's SENIOR YEAR OF HIGH SCHOOL's bedtime? (Yes hubby had a 9 p.m. lights out bedtime until he joined the navy - monkey usually goes down at 9:30 -- my little no nap model)

But I feel like I'm stricter than other parents on some things

Yesterday she ended up in Time-out and had to apologize to her dad for using her "angelica" voice (I'm not going to try to explain disrespectful to a three year old)

But then we went to Bible study and the 8 year old whose mom kept reminding him he was on probation for his poor behavior grabbed the swing from underneath monkey while I was picking her up to put her on it . He wasn't grabbing it to swing but he was on the middle swing and he was grabbing swings on either side to prevent anyone else from swinging. I told him to drop it and he just laughed. I counted two. His mom came over and just looked at him and said "Don't forget you are on probation and if you don't start behaving you can't go to that birthday party on Saturday." He looked at her. Held the swing for ten seconds and then pushed the swing at me. His mom just said, "that's better. That's how I want you to behave"

huh?

So if he loses the birthday party on Monday how does she control behavior.
He was already acting like he wasn't going to lose anything. His mom was already talking about how excited she was that he had soccer camp and would be out of her hair all week.

Where was I going with this....

Oh yeah, sometimes I feel like I'm too strict. If monkey tried to pull this trick she'd have to apologize and head to time out. There's times where monkey gets into trouble fro things the other kids do but they get to keep playing and she's in time out or having a talk......

Course i've had folks try to explain to me the reason I'm strict is cause I only have one kid and they have four!

So I feel like compared to my peers I'm more strict

But compared to how I and hubby we were raised she gets away with so much (but hubby was raised SO STRICT, we aren't raising her that way)

Bridgette
still co sleeping
no really set bed time

[drmomentum[$]]

If you look at the adults around you, you'll see that there have always been parents who didn't know how to raise their children, and who have no clue what it is to expect respect from your child and to give respect to them.

I don't think this is changing. My kids get away with some things I didn't, but I am more strict about a number of things than my parents were permissive on.

Kids are kids.

-JP

[vemartin]

The last two generations of kid’s is more spoiled than any of the children I knew growing up. My parents were strict and I thank God they were. Just a look or a word from my parent was usually enough to keep me in line, because I both respected and feared my parents. My father was the one who usually administered the spanking…

However, I remember one of the only times my mother hit me, I was about 10 years old. My sister and I were having a fight, and when my mother got home from a long day’s work, I told her the she “better” make my sister leave me alone. My mother uttered not a word, but delivered a sharp slap to my face, and told me that I lacked the authority to tell that she’d better do anything! That was enough for me and I never disrespected my mother again; and never thought to defy her.

I practice the same strict disciplinary practices with my children minus the hitting. My stern words are usually enough to bring my children in line, and when it isn’t my punishment is swift and never second-guessed, by myself or my children; they know the house and everything in it are mine! I do not invite discussion when I tell me children to do something (I rarely ask), and I rarely have to repeat myself. As a result me children are well behaved, and I have often gotten complements above how well behaved they are, and what a joy they are to have around.

Are the complete angles? Of course not, no children are, but they know their boundaries and rarely cross them, because they know I (and my wife) will be swift and unwavering in our administration of tough love…

If parent truly loved their children, they would administer swift and unwavering discipline at all times. You are not supposed to be your child’s friend, but their parent, and if that means they get mad at you, so be it. But there is nothing worse than listening to someone else’s spoiled whining, demanding, and obnoxious child …

[erik_kosberg]

Some things never change. Didn’t Socrates complain that the younger generation led too pampered of a life, that they didn’t have to make the sacrifices that earlier generations had had to make? Or was that Aristotle? Where’s a good classicist when you need them?

[KristenNC]

Originally posted by vemartin
If parent truly loved their children, they would administer swift and unwavering discipline at all times. You are not supposed to be your child’s friend, but their parent, and if that means they get mad at you, so be it. But there is nothing worse than listening to someone else’s spoiled whining, demanding, and obnoxious child … [/b]

Vincent, I agree in principle. But I think it is WAY harder for parents these days - as everyone is an "expert" in child rearing - and they give conflicting advice in a VERY persuasive way. Parents don't trust themselves any more, so they are confused about what the 'right' discipline should be. I don' think it has anything to do with how much they truly love their kids. Child psychologists practically force feed the whole "child=friend" idea down our throats. And parenting experts who disagree, like John Rosemond, for example, are immediately labelled child abusers living in the past. Sigh.

Either way - my answer to your question is also yes and no. Elaina has more stuff than I had as a 2 year old. She is allowed more freedom in food choices than I was. She is allowed more freedom in things like bedtimes and clothes. But I am just as strict, if not more strict, when it comes to polite behavior, treating animals with respect and how she acts in a public place. This is due to safety issues as much as it is my own beliefs about polite behavior, but it does make me more strict than my parents (who let me run around the neighborhood unsupervised for most of my childhood.)

[wivabef]

Thanks to what my daughter calls "Buyer Dad" our children have tons more toys than I think the entire neighborhood in which I grew up!

But, that's not what makes a child spoiled. Our children are extremely well-behaved in public, say please and thank you, apologize when they have done wrong and -- most importantly -- show great compassion when another is hurting. My nearly three year old hears a fire truck and she says, "Fireworks! Someone need help!" and when she saw an elderly stranger trip and fall, even as adults walked by, she ran to his assistant and asked, "Are you otay?" She gently held his elbow as I caught up and helped him up.

My nearly six year old actually holds me up grocery shopping because she is restocking what people have left on the floor. She runs to hold doors open for people and even helped a woman carry a bag that had fallen from her cart -- all without being asked first.

Do my children have everything they could ever want? Probably. Does they take it for granted. Definitely not.

My husband, on the other hand....hmmmm. Well, that's another discussion (ask me about the world's most expensive Sony Playstation II)

[KateTPZ]

I don't think kids are more spoiled than we were as children. There are, however, big differences between my own childhood and that of my sons - I'm not sure I'll call these differences evidence of spoiling, though. For example:

- My children have more "stuff" than I did growing up (but they also have more aunts/uncles, have larger birthday parties, etc. - I don't buy them toys except at Christmas and their birthdays)

- My children are involved in more organized activities than I was (which is a pain, but they don't have the neighborhood activity that I grew up with AND I can afford for them to do things - like lessons and sports - that my parents had neither the time nor the money for us to do)

- My children have more opportunities to make decisions (what to have for dinner, for example) than I ever did. But they know that the ultimate decision is mine.

- I'm more flexible about bedtimes, meals and what clothing to wear than my parents ever were. If letting them go without a coat when I think they need one and they don't qualifies them as "spoiled" - I'll take spoiled over the alternative. ("I'm freezing so you have to wear you coat!" always sounded pretty stupid to me as a kid!)

[hadassahchana[$]]

Course i've had folks try to explain to me the reason I'm strict is cause I only have one kid and they have four!

Oh Bridgette, I am howling!

I get that all the time- in reverse!

"Well, Mrs. N., if you didn't have four children, you wouldn't have to be so strict..."



I want polite, kind and compassionate children, so I treat them that way - and that is the way they behave (usually). On the other hand, I am much more affectionate to my children than my parents were. If I make a mistake, I apologize - which my parents never ever did. It all depends on what your definition of 'spoiled' is, I guess, because one of the last things my mom ever said to me was "Your children are so spoiled!".
( note: no one else has ever said that to me or about my children...)

Cindy

[frazzledspice]

My children had more material possessions than either I or my husband did growing up, but I don't know if that means they were spoiled.

To me, the telltale signs of being "spoiled" are the expectation that all your needs will be fulfilled and that life will be handed to you on a silver platter.

Eventually it can corrupt your sense of values and cause you to make judgments about people based on the clothes they wear, the cars they drive, and the houses they lived in.

So, although my children had more material possessions, I don't think that they were spoiled, because they always had a good sense of values and good judgment in selecting friends based on who they were rather than what they possessed.