High School: A World Full of Immature Boys and Love

[systemdwn]

well, I thought after reaching the ripe and mature age of 18 and finally escaping High School, I would suddenly be too sophisticated to get stuck in immature love triangles/problems ...but...i was wrong. Now, I am left with a choice to make, a hard choice (remember...everything is relative dammit )...and maybe someone on epinions can direct me in the right direction....or you can all make fun of my pathetic, trivial life

hopefully this will bring back some bad/good/whatever memories :p

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It all began during prom...oh...the pinacle of high school. A time that people get drunk, dress up, and mingle with the opposite sex. Now, I hate dances. I hate everything a dance stands for, a bunch of rich kids showing off their dresses/suits...hehe...i am quite the anti-everything person in my school . I have been to only 2 dances in my entire high school experience and the first one i dont really count, so, only 1 dance. Basically, I only ask girls out for dances that I really like...i dont ask random girls for the sake of goign to a dance. Hence, that is why i only went to one dance.

Now, back to Prom. I really wanted to go with this girl, Julie. We are friends and well, i really really like her. She is beautiful and the artsy type (she writes poetry, composes amazing songs, draws, etc.). I love artsy girls. But, I of course thought I had no chance with her especially to ask her for prom since this guy, Darren, is obsessively crazy about her. It is her best friend and they have a really awkward relationship - one minute they love each other as friends, the next they hate each other. Darren ask her for every dance, but last time Julie rejected him and that caused a whole pathetic controversy that i do not want to get into. Now, I knew that Darren was going to ask her out for prom...and if i asked her beforehand, it would of caused a mess. So, i decided to ditch prom because of it, because it proved to me how trivial prom was.

Meanwhile, there was this sophomore girl, kim, who really wanted to go with me to prom. She is an awesome person, but i just didn't want to go to prom with her because i was rebelling against it. Since she is a sophomore, she can only go to prom with a junior/senior. So, I was the one she was targetting. I said no..i said no..she continued...i said no..i said no..and finally she gave up. During this time, i got to know her real good friend, Lizzy, a great girl.

Now, I went to post prom and I hung out a lot with lizzy and her friends. I also hung out with Julie. I had a great time and I won a palm pilot, a scooter and a bunch of stuff. Fabien was at the top of his game .

Several days later, I talked to kim and she asked me who i liked. I told her julie and i also told her that I am starting to like Lizzy. So, kim hooked us up since lizzy liked me. Bam...in less than a week...lizzy was my girlfriend.

DUN DUN DUN...the problem starts!! Even in the relationship, I still like julie more, but I always pushed it in the back of my head thinking that i had no chance. Anyways, lizzy and i were having a great relationship...our first month went real well and it seems like the relationship was going to last for a while.

But, during this time, i was hanging out with julie everyday...till sometimes 6 o'clock in the morning at Santa Monica. Since lizzy couldn't go with me to a Dido concert, I went with Julie. During this entire time, i got to know her so much...and well...starting to like her even more.

But here is the problem, a couple days before I leave for france, julie calls me at 3 in the morning to tell me how much she likes me. She didn't want to tell me before because of Lizzy and the touchy situation. There is a lot more details but i do not want to bore you guys...but, you guys are probably bored already Pretty much...this is the first time since her last bad relationship that she told someone that...which is around 4 years . So, its a big deal for her.

Well...i leftt for france and now im back and I have a serious mess to clean up. I told lizzy about all of this too. Anyways, julie is leaving for college in 2 weeks for penn. She is going to a liberal art school there. Now, I obviously like julie a lot more. Should I break up a 2 month relationship for a 2 week relationship + a potential long distance relationship?? Is it worth hurting lizzy for that? What would you do in my case?? Should I try to remain good friends with julie and stay with lizzy?? Is it fair for lizzy to continue going out with her even though i like someone else better?

hehe...this whole situation does sound sooo pathetic as a I write it down...but, its troubling me since i do not want to lose julie or lizzy...and i dont want to hurt anyone in the process.

does anyone have ideas on what i can/should do??

thanks...

if you guys have any questions or want me to clear things up...just let me know..ill answer every question very very truthfully.

[jaxmom28]

This may sound like I'm trivializing your dilemma, and I really don't mean to do that, but can't you date both girls? You're all young, unmarried, un-engaged...as long as everyone knows the score and is okay with it, there's nothing morally wrong with hanging out with more than one guy/girl at a time.

If either of the girls wants you to be monogamous, then you'll have to decide which one you'd rather spend time with. It sounds like the thing with Julie would be long distance. That can work, but it's hard, particularly for people just going away to college. Of course, local relationships with can also be difficult if the person you're interested in can't go with you to do the things you like to do.

Putting aside doing things and curfews and whatnot, ask yourself who you'd rather talk to. Who would you rather just be with, even just sitting on the couch and saying nothing? Or on the phone and not seeing each other? That's the girl to choose.

HTH, good luck!

[afropuff]

She (Julie) is moving all the way across the country to go to college? I know you don't want to hear this, but it's time to let Julie go (at least, as more than a friend for now). If she were going to a local college, you might have a shot at her. But, with her moving across the country to enter the massive cultural bombast known as "college", she'll be too busy getting used to her surroundings (new people, new environment, new classes) to be anything more than casually committed to a long-distance relationship.

College is a time when experimentation is the order of the day, and especially in Pennsylvania (near Philly, I presume?), she'll have a lot to see and do before her 4 years are up. I'm not saying that there will be other people, but even if they aren't, do you really want to spend the last 2 years of your high school life wondering what she's doing while you're not there?

I've been there, and it's a lot more trouble than it's worth. Long distance relationships and raging youth don't mix, hon. Sorry to be the bearer of bad news.

But, at least you guys have the internet! I'd suggest being her (Julie's) friend for now. As for the other girl (forgot her name), hon, it's too early in your life for "true love" or whatever other garbage romance puts in your head. Just enjoy her company and be happy that she is so understanding.

[poseidon]

Fabien,

Been there, done that, don't recommend it at all... sometimes long distance relationships work but most of the time they don't. You're going to be setting yourself up for heartbreak most likely.

I've done this twice, and both times I got screwed (well, not screwed, but screwed over). The first one happened in college, the second one happened after college when my then-girlfriend decided to go to graduate school out of state.

The first one had the guts to tell me that she found someone else.

The second one showed up on a break pregnant and I was 100% positive it wasn't mine.

Granted, you'll likely do what you want to do because that's what I would have done at your age, but if you're looking for real advice, mine would be to "just be friends" and find someone else. Save yourself the heartache.

Jeff

[systemdwn]

thanks for these advices..i really appreciate it.

I am going to college at USC and Julie is going to Allegheny or Allegany..something like that...and so...im in Los Angeles..and she is in Pennsylvania...sadly not next door

[pageclot[$]]

First of all, rest assured, this is anything but boring.

This is the stuff of great drama, and I am not being ironic here.

Question a few things:

- Is everyone really understanding here? Has anyone given you an ultimatum? Is there any awkwardness at all if you see both Lizzy and Julia together, or does this situation not arise? It could be that you are considered the safe friend (which is death to romance).

- Your background and cultural influences. It's not necessary to have a girlfriend at your age. Do not be taken in by pop culture which pushes everyone towards a relationship prematurely.

- Your available time. If you're serious about school and following Julia to college (any college, not just Penn) then you have to consider whether you have time for romantic interests.

Best of luck. Think it through.

pageclot

[systemdwn]

- Why did Julia set you up with Lizzy when she was harboring these feelings for you? Was it to test out your loyalty to her? Was she not interested in you romantically until you were not interested in her? I know you were interested in her, but you may have appeared to be interested in Lizzy instead.

"sorry..i must of not been clear. Kim set me up with lizzy. Julie was the girl who I liked all along, but I didn't act upon it earlier since i thought i had no chance. Julie didn't want to tell me she likes me, because i was going out with lizzy at the time. Julie is not someone who wants to hurt people or break a relationship. Julie started liking me after i was going out with her."

- Is everyone really understanding here? Has anyone given you an ultimatum? Is there any awkwardness at all if you see both Lizzy and Julia together, or does this situation not arise? It could be that you are considered the safe friend (which is death to romance).

"my group of friends say to dump lizzy for julie...lizzy's friend is calling julie selfish...hehe..not much of an ultimatum . Lizzy doesn't mind when im with julie..but i know it bothers her. I am trying to balance goign out with lizzy and still being close friends with julie."

- Your background and cultural influences. It's not necessary to have a girlfriend at your age. Do not be taken in by pop culture which pushes everyone towards a relationship prematurely.

"im 18 right now..and i am not taking any relationship seriously. Trust me on that...my sister who is 15, her boyfriend wants to marry her...and that is just sick!! I am very relax when it comes to boyfriend/girlfriend things and i do not want a serious relationship right now. I am way too busy with my life that i cant deal with one."

- Your available time. If you're serious about school and following Julia to college (any college, not just Penn) then you have to consider whether you have time for romantic interests.

"school will be my priority at USC. I obvious will not let a girl get in the way. But, sometimes that is really hard. And, i dont want to jeopardize my future for a girl. I will not travel to penn and live there. I am way too young for that kind of committment."

thanks for your questions...

[afropuff]

Originally posted by systemdwn
thanks for these advices..i really appreciate it.

I am going to college at USC and Julie is going to Allegheny or Allegany..something like that...and so...im in Los Angeles..and she is in Pennsylvania...sadly not next door

Sorry I assumed you were still in high school! Gomen nasai!

I think it's fairly obvious, given your actions, that you like Julie a lot more than you like Lizzy. That having been said, it is your choice ultimately to decide what you do and do not want, and what that means in terms of dealing with the opposite sex.

If you like Lizzy but aren't passionate about her, is that OK with you?

If you are concerned about hurting Lizzy's feelings, then does that mean that you care about her more than you think?

Have you asked Lizzy yet what she wants? What about Julie?

Of course, I still think all this could be resolved by being Julie's friend and letting time tell about Lizzy. But, that's JMHO.

[jaxmom28]

my group of friends say to dump lizzy for julie...lizzy's friend is calling julie selfish...hehe..not much of an ultimatum . Lizzy doesn't mind when im with julie..but i know it bothers her. I am trying to balance goign out with lizzy and still being close friends with julie

Do your friends say this because Julie is the popular girl, or because they know your heart? Sometimes you just have to figure out what it is you want, regardless of outside influences, and go for it.

If Lizzy doesn't mind you going out with Julie, too, then why not see both girls for a while? You don't have to make up your mind this minute, but take your time and figure out what you really want.

You're very concerned with Lizzy's feelings - which is a good thing - and that might indicate that you like her more than you think you do. Regardless, as Julie will be a continent away, you probably won't be seeing her much, if at all, so the relationship will of necessity take a physical backburner for a while. You won't really have occasion to bother Lizzy with seeing Julie because you won't have the opportunity.

If you really like both girls, then I'd say given the situation you should go ahead with seeing both of them. If either relationship becomes more serious than it is now (physically or otherwise), or if either girl asks you to do so, you should be prepared to make a firm decision - you just don't have to do it today.

Enjoy your freshman year. It will change your life.

[systemdwn]

Julie is far from being the popular girl in our school. She is very quiet, introverted, and reserved. My friends tell me to dump lizzy for julie, because they are also friends with julie and they think that we would be good together. Also, Lizzy is going to be a junior in high school next year and i am going to be a freshman in college. Age is bound to be an issue.

..hehe..yep, im looking forward for my freshman year in College. I am nervous and excited...just 3 more weeks of summer!!

[poseidon]

My freshman and senior years of college were my favorite. My sophomore and junior years were so *&^% difficult because I was trying to get in as many prerequisites and required classes as possible.

I think my freshman year was great because I got to leave home, make great friends (my best friend from my freshman year of college is still my best friend today) and had some geniune fun.

My senior year of college was great because of the anticipation of graduating and getting onto law school (until of course I decided not to go).

You should enjoy college... I think most people do. But, as much as I liked it, I'd not go back for anything.

Jeff

[jenninca]

Having been in college within the last five years, let me give you this advice: Do NOT try a long-distance relationship with Julie. I've just been through a long one--we're finally back in the same city after three years of being apart. The only reason we made it through still together is because we had a serious, committed relationship before we went apart. IT WAS NOT FUN!!! I would NOT put myself through that for a relationship that was just starting out and I wouldn't really know where it was going, no matter how much I thought I liked the guy (or girl, in your case).

Plus, something I observed when I went to college is that people who had boyfriends/girlfriends from home had a much harder time adjusting to college life than those who didn't. People who were unattached seemed much more willing to reach out and make friends and generally get comfortable with college life in general. People who were attached generally stayed in their room and moped much more. They weren't fun to be around, so not many people got to know them. Just another thing to consider.

I'd say that you should keep up your friendship with both girls, but not try to have a relationship with either of them once you go to college. After a year of being apart, see how the friendship is going. Although you'd like to say that you'll be friends with people from high school forever, odds are that you'll lose contact with many, if not most, of them. If your friendship is strong enough to survive, then maybe reassess things next summer.

Sorry to be so wordy--hope this helps!

Cindy

[poseidon]

So true... I haven't talked to a single person from high school since about my junior year of college when I accidentally bumped into one.

Off to my girlfriend's house for dinner... y'all have a good evening.

Jeff

[sylvanb]

You sound like a really neat guy....Keep in mind that you are about to be transported to a different planet (USC - cool!!) a lot of whose occupants are of the female persuasion. Stay loose and look to the future!

[mtbat]

You are now legally 18? doesn't that mean you can now redeem your eroyalties? cool!

anyhow-18 is still young, you are going off to college, you will meet new people-who knows if the right person is out there for you.

My advice- stay friends with both Julie and Lizzy-but don't get to seriouse with anyone until you are out of college-have some fun while you are still young

[cristina1]

I agree with everyone else. Dont commit to either girl at this point. Be friends, hang out with them, but dont get tangled up right now. College is a whole different world - and to try long distance relationships would just hold you back.

Two months is not a long time to be in a relationship anyway. It isnt worth the heartache that a long distance love affair brings.

Go to college, enjoy yourself, remain friends with both of them and take it as it comes.

[systemdwn]

UPDATE!!!

dun dun dun...I broke up with Lizzy..hehe..it was a friendly mutual thing!!

but...

I am with Julie now...hehe...here is a quick story behind that...

Basically, I went karakoing at korean town with biag, jessica, julie and jessica's older sister (I SUNG TOO!! hehe...with biag of course since we both sucked) Well, julie would sing songs that are well...a bit too obviously directed to me...even jessica's sister...was being very very direct. ...well, afterwards...we went to dennies and jessica's sister told me directly : "Do you like Julie"...and than she asked me a bunch of questions. Basically, she was Julie's spokesperson...julie was too shy to say anything so jessica's sister ended up doing all the work. Well...basically, julie and i both knew that there was something very special between us...and that it would be stupid that we would give it all up for college...so, after talking to her alone for several hours (i didnt go to bed at like 6:30..and i had to wake up at 8:00 for magic moutain!!)...we came to a conclusion that we should give it a shot...and if it fails..oh well, at least we tried...its better than giving up right away.

well..thats a lame update in my life ... i am now involved with an open long distance relationship..something that everyone in here advised me not to get involved in

c-ya,
FR

[Kenshin-Guy]

Hey! Someone that's been in a situation that I've been In!....Sort of!

Anyway, with girls and deciding which to pick and all, I always find that no matter where you go, you're bound to long about the other one. So I'd go with Julie, who you seem to like tons more and try to block the other girl out as much as possible. Just a suggestion.

[dancingpotato]

Think of yourself as lucky to even have two girls after you when some of us have none.

[systemdwn]

I am with julie right now...even though she is leaving for Allegheny in 2 days. It should be interesting to see if this long distance thing can work out.

[shadow8]

Hey Fabien, what's up?

Just read your story several moments ago and I must say, it was pretty captivating. It actually reminds me of my high school days (jeez, I graduated in 2000 and I already feel like an old man) and this one time where I too was involved with two girls that I really liked. Of course, one of them moved to Virginia so that pretty much resolved that scenario!

The other girl became my girlfriend and we had a strong relationship for about three years. Unfortunately, when I moved to college last year, my girlfriend was still a high school senior so we no longer had intimate contact. I moved to an out of state college while my girlfriend was still in high school (in New Jersey). Somehow, both of us weathered the storm and managed to maintain a long-distance relationship. We stayed in contact via Instant Messenger, telephone, and Webcam. But unfortunately, this long-distance relationship proved to be not quite as easy as I thought. Sometimes, we get into verbal arguments and other times, when I e-mail or call her and I do not get a response for a few days, I would admit to getting upset. I guess that I blame myself for getting carried away at times but since I cared about her so much, her welfare meant a lot to me and not being able to see her for a while made me frustrated. It was not until I finished my freshman year in college did I get to spend some true quality time with her.

Well, now that I told you a very private part of my life, the morale of all this is that a long distance relationship is NOT easy. It requires hard commitment from both of you. Both of you need to solemnly swear that you will try to work this out and that you maintain close contact. I am also going to warn you right now that both of you will probably experience some adversity while trying to maintain a long-distance relationship. It will most likely happen. But for everything to work, it takes two to tango. Both of you will have to make sacrifices every now and then and especially compromise. Both of you will need to understand each other's needs and feelings. Mutuality is the key here.

The next challenge for me is to maintain a long distance relationship once again. Now that my girlfriend is in college (at University of Illinois), it's gonna be even tougher and right now, I dunno if it can be done.

Well Fabien, I wish you luck in keeping a long-distance relationship. Do your best, and if it doesn't work out, it's best that you don't let your emotions cloud your mind.

Take care.

[KateTPZ]

I have no advice, I'm afraid. (But I wasn't bored, I promise!) Oh how I'd love a chance to be 18 again!