Is this normal behavior?

[dancingpotato]

Every year, I go camping. It's a lot of fun and all of my parents' friends are there. (The whole point is not in here, anyway.) I was camping this week, which is why I was suddenly gone from EA. Anyway...

Three years ago, my parents' friend Mickey came camping with his 2 and a half year old son, Gabriel. Since for some reason or other, any kid under eight and any kind of animal is instantly attracted to me (I'm a fourteen-year-old male, for Pete's sake! Kids should FEAR me... right?), Gabriel started following me around and playing with me. I have no objections to that. I like him. However, this year, he started hugging me a lot and kissing me a lot. It just makes me uncomfortable. I tell him to stop, and I ask him why he does that and he says "You're my friend, and I like you a lot!". I'm really happy to be his friend and all, but I don't like the fact that he likes me so much. I've never seen five-year-olds do that before (at least not to that degree) and it really annoys me. The kid worships me, but I don't want him to kiss me! He doesn't kiss his friends his age, why should he kiss me?!

I think I found the culprit of all this, and it isn't his parents. A couple of days after I started camping, a girl who is roughly my age also started hanging out with Gabriel. (Her parents are friends with my parents... it's a complicated matter.) She, however, hugs him, pampers him, kisses him, etc. I haven't talked to her (... no, I won't be getting into that, at least not here... ) but I have a sneaking suspicion that this is either gonna blow up in my face, or some poor kid who is gonna smack Gabriel when he gets kissed.


Now what?
(Note: Gabriel lives six hours from me, but I see him rather often nonetheless.)

[pluckyduck]

Here's my two cents:

Everything sounds completely normal, from the behavior of a five year old boy to the reaction of a 14 year old teenage guy to same behavior.

You are completely right that how you react to his behavior can help him pattern something that is more socially acceptable. You don't want to hurt his feelings, but you'd like some respect for your personal body space, too.

Here's something that's worked with my son Dan. He was hanging all over his brother, kissing and hugging brother to distraction (mostly to annoy him, but that's another story.)

I told Dan "Affection is good. Hugging and kissing is good. Too much hugging and kissing can start to make another person feel smothered. One big hug a day, one kiss on the head a day, and that should do it." (For his brother. Unlimited hugs and kisses with mom. )

Do Gabriel a favor and don't give him the message that hugging and kissing is unmanly or isn't cool. Just give him the "hint" that there are times when it is more appropriate than others, and that everyone has the right to decide whether they want to be hugged or kissed. It's not cool to hug or kiss someone when the other person doesn't want it.

Congratulations, you're a role model!

Andrea

[sgentile]

GREAT response Andrea! I agree with everything you said. (Just wanted to voice that in case dancingpotato was trying to get a consensus).

Susan

[dancingpotato]

That's pretty much everything I needed to know!

Thanks!