Parents-1 / Toddler-0 (We won!)

[sgentile]

We won our first BAD test-of-wills battles tonight with our 2.5 year old Alison tonight... and tried something new....

Here's the scenario:
Dinner is almost over. Ali hasn't had much to eat all day (unlike her), and just a piece of whole wheat bread so far for dinner. She didn't take a nap today. Jake (13 mo old) ate fairly well but was having some serious teething pain & we were waiting for his Motrin to kick in. So I got Jakey a scoop of ice cream. Ali wants ice cream too. But I tell her to take 3 more bites (of anything) and she can have some too.

Well she stood by the refrigerator crying & carrying on about the ice cream she wanted. We sent her to her room to calm down twice but she just wouldn't cooperate (taking those 3 bites). I told her (in a nice mommy voice) one more time to go to her room until she could calm down because we didn't want to hear any more crying... and that if she wanted ice cream she would have to eat some supper first.

Something happened while she was upstairs that last time. She came downstairs in a good mood. I asked her if she wanted another piece of bread so she could have her ice cream after she ate it. She AGREED (this is why I say we "won". It wasn't just our standing firm on "no ice cream"; it was that she crossed into OUR side of the camp. She started to eat it (With praise about what a big girl she was being). It looked like she would probably eat the whole the thing, but I wanted her to trust that we mean what we say... and after 3-4 bites I asked her if she was ready for her ice cream.

I can NOT tell you how happy she was eating that ice cream! I hope this standing firm on our rule brings us closer to the end of those kinds of test-of-wills... I know, wishful thinking. lol. But I am REALLY proud of us (me & my husband)... It was VERY hard NOT to give in to Ali. She wasn't being obnoxious she was simply being extremely upset and sad watching Jakey eat some and hearing us say no to her. If she HAD eaten well all day I probably would have just given in since ice cream is nutritious. Oh, and we serve it with wheat germ sprinkled on top (they love it).

Ok, sorry so long. Thanks for letting me pat myself on the back with you. (Pat, pat, pat).

Susan

[slick4591[$]]

Susan,

Take it from a grandpa. Giving in to the little ones will only cause you a little more misery somewhere down the line.

Ya done good, girl.

[sgentile]

Thanks Dennis! That's what I wanted to hear. I guess, even though we won and it was such a HUGE relief to make that head-way, that I really wasn't sure she was old enough to understand this "compromise"... She is speech-delayed and has just started to catch up with speech (doing REALLY well, but let's face it, she's only 2).

Susan

[susanwhipple]

Yes. she's only two.. but if you do it now and do it always, it will pay off. (By 'it' I mean say what you mean and mean what you say.)
In case you don't already know... this won't be the last 'fit'.
Try to remember the things I say over and over like a mantra to keep my sanity:

It's normal

She is not doing this to piss me off

It is pissing me off, but that's normal, too.

Just don't let her know that.

[emeleel]

Yay for you!

I know exactly where you're coming from, I had a very, very similar thing happen with my almost-3 year old girl just two days ago.

"What do you want for lunch?" "Turkey and yellow cheese," she says. So I pull out a left over one that was made on a hamburger bun from the night before. (WE had burgers - Sean had turkey and cheese ) "NOOOOOOOOOOOO!" She wants regular bread. Okay, I'm willing to give in on that point if she asks nice without crying, which she does.

Meanwhile, big brother has pulled out the PB&J for himself and Erin decides she wants that instead. I ask her - [i]to make SURE[/] - been down that road before! Turkey and cheese, or PB&J? PB&J is the answer.

Start sticking the peanut butter to the bread - "NOOOOOOOOO!" She now wants turkey. Tough noogies, kid, ya asked for PB&J.

Insert long, drawn out temper tantrum sitting on her bed which includes screaming at the top of her lungs. At least she stays on her bed when put there - Sean never would. He would totally freak if I tried to make him.

I calmly finish MY lunch to the dulcet tones of these screeches, then go calm her down and sit with her in the rocking chair where she falls asleep after a while. Took a loooong nap - and she doesn't take ANY naps - and the first words out of her mouth when I wake her up are, "I don't want a peanut butter and jelly sandwich." Sigh.....

But she willingly ate the whole thing when I brought it to her. She was soooo hungry! Then she sweetly and politely asked if she could have a turkey and cheese one, too, and ate about half of that.

Ya gotta stand firm - you go, girl!

[conradd]

Susan, you did an excellent job of handling this situation. It's never easy standing nose-to-nose with a stubborn toddler, but a bit of stick-to-itiveness now will pay off down the road. My friends, who gave in to their kids when they were small, now have teenagers they cannot control. It's rough to watch, and would be much worse to live with.

Deb

[mtbat]

you did good mom! Grant me the same strength-I'm going to need it-

In the last 48 hours or so my 18 month old has figured out how to-open the fridge by himself

And climb over the gate on the stairs to go upstairs after his big sisters brand new baby kitten.

Tell him NO-he has a temper tantrum and does it anyway-the fridge is a big problem-he wants his blueberries and he wants them NOW!

I know, Stand firm and keep up the fight-I'll remember you when my 18 month old is screaming and kicking and I'll try not to give in

[sgentile]

Thanks guys. This encouragement & support is really helping! Keep it coming (I love the stories too!!!), I'm guessing there will be more of these battles.

Susan

[cristina1]

What do you want for lunch?" "Turkey and yellow cheese,"

Does this mean that I dont have the only picky kid who refuses to eat white American cheese? LOL I cant figure out the difference other than color.

As for the topic at hand, you did a GREAT job with your daughter. It's tough when they carry on like that, and I know that sometimes I feel guilty, but teaching them is more important. I have a stubborn 4 year old and the battles he can give get bad sometimes, but holding ground is the most important thing to do.

[pluckyduck]

My boys, especially the oldest one, have really been testing us this summer. I've blocked most of the interesting stories out (I do not enjoy tests of will), but, it really has been a struggle. They are usually so good, it's trumatic when they make us actually have to Parent with a capital "P". Parenting them can usually be done quietly, almost like guiding a ship, rather than having to freakin' push and pull and tug and stop and start.

Dan, like most kids with LD issues, is completely out of sorts when put out of his normal routine. There's not much routine this summer...Don has been the King of Activities, but it's not in his nature to plan the activities out weeks at time. He likes to be spontaneous. Dan likes to plan things out on calendars.

Mostly, Dan has been taking his frustration, when it builds up, out on his brother, but he saves some for me. " I want to get in trouble. I want to get sent to my room!"

We're not doing this again. Summer camp for everybody next year! I don't care how much it costs.

True Story:

The other night, Dan decided to defy my digital cable rule....the boys are allowed to watch the digital cable in the evening, but the have to go through the "kids" menu. Adam comes a tattling that Dan has decided he's not a kid anymore, so, he's going to surf through the "adult" menu.

Glad we don't have any of those channels, and yes, I'm programming a lock this weekend.

Good job, Susan, and keep it up. The incentive to stick to your ground is to look at so many snotty teenagers and adults who behave as if the world should revolve around them. We're not doing our kids any favors if we raise them to think that what they want or need at any second is always going to be on the top of everybody's agenda.

Andrea
summer camp 2002

[jnbmoore]

Originally posted by cristina1


Does this mean that I dont have the only picky kid who refuses to eat white American cheese? LOL I cant figure out the difference other than color.

Monkey girl won't go near white American cheese -- but will eat provolone!!!

She likes steak (lots of london broil sales this summer) but usually won't touch hambuger.

she'll only do tofu if it is cold without sauce....

nope, there's a few other picky ones out there....

SUSAN great job

Bridgette
who keeps telling monkey that I'm mean.

[emeleel]

LOL. Actually, I usually only have cheddar cheese in the house anyway - it's the cheapest! But we currently just happen to have some sliced mozzerella in the fridge which she does like to eat - she was just letting me know her personal preference for the day.