Church, Kids, and Food

[mtbat]

Do you let your kids eat in church?

We went to the 11:00 mass this morning-which didnt' start until 11:30-there were so many people, litterally spilling out the doors. the 9:30 mass ran over-I thought at first I was late for the 11am one then realized the other one wasn't over with-

We sat in the cry room-Tony is 18months old. He doesn't sit still very well(duh-he's a toddler). I fed both kids breakfast, I gave them snacks BEFORE we went to church. I brought water bottles and a bottle with milk for the baby but I don't ever bring crackers or cheerios ect-I really feel that kids shouldn't eat during services. I know that you need distractions-we do bring a couple little toys-but I think if you feed kids during church they come to expect it every week.

Two of the other kids had crackers and goldfish crackers. Tony saw other little kids eating and of course, he wanted to have some too-now, not only do I not want him learning to eat in church I don't particularly want him sharring other people food-particularly people we don't know!

One of the little boys started giving Tony goldfish-which okay, sweet that the little guy was sharring-but I didn't really want my kid eating crackers!

The other kid-his two teenaged sisters kept wandering in and out of the cry room, with a bag of Ritz crackers-and they were the ones eating all the darned crackers-now that I felt was totally wrong-it's bad enough that the little kids are eating, but teenagers? they should be able to go an hour 1/2 without a snack(baring of course medical reasons)

I don't know if I'm being unreasonable here-do you let your kids eat in church? do you think it's okay? and if you don't how do you deal with your kid being given food by strangers?

[jgibson2[$]]

I never go into the cry room. It's bedlam in there. Actually, that's at a neighboring church which I NEVER go to any more anyway because the whole place is nuts. Mine doesn't have a cry room. The kids get too rowdy, you take them to the vestibule (glass windows in the doors to the sanctuary) to get them under control, then bring them back in.

Yes, I did bring a small bag of cheerios to church with me until my youngest was about 2. 5 The older kids got cut off at a younger age than that. Reason? All those other people feeding their kids and I didn't want him eating off the floor. Gross, I know. I never let the kids hold the bag or the food even. I popped the occasional cheerio into the mouth when it opened. By 2 - 2.5, they understood not to eat off the floor and we dealt with other people feeding by sitting in the front pew where it was much less likely to happen. 18 months is kind of tough to be sitting in the front pew, but I did find that when we sit near the front, kids of all ages behave better.

Teenagers eating in mass? Someone needs to take a 2 x 4 to their parents. Why were the teens wandering anyway?

[Workingmomof2]

Wow. Well my gut reaction (to the question, before I read your whole story) was "No but I'm not opposed...". Then I read your story.

Well, let's see. First, we don't have a cry room. I think it's a great idea, but honestly folks with little babies just bring them into the church, if they get too rowdy they leave. We have an incredible Sunday School program including a great baby-room (up to 18 montsh I think go in the baby room) so little ones are rarely in the service if they're older than 6 months or so.

For babies, though, I would think a bottle or tiny snack like cheerios would be okay. Especially if other kids are eating, it's just too hard for a tiny one to understand why another kid has food....

For "kids" though? No way. I'm not opposed at all to having kids in church, actually I enjoy it and hearing other parents occasionally trying to subtly quiet their child always helps me feel like "I'm not the only one!" LOL. But bigger kids can make it for an hour (or even 90 minutes) without a snack, especially if they're well distracted. The question of course becomes at what age that transition happens....

Just out of curiousity, is the sunday school program good at your church? It might be a good option for you - my kids always got snacks in SS (up to Kindergarden I think) and were happily distracted there. One couple we know really well would hold their daughter in church through the music, then take her into the nursery when the more serious stuff started - she loved to dance in the aisles and we always loved having her in there... but they even admitted that she got "too squirmy" during the sermon.

Anyway good luck - sounds like a dilemma -
Amy

[mtbat]

amy-most of the Catholic churches around here don't have sunday schools-one of the main reasons I'm seriously concidering attending services elsewhere-I grew up going to sunday school and loved it-and it would be much easier for my daughter I think.

One thing I didn't mention was that the little boy who was eating goldfish was in the cryroom with his big sister-who was about my daughters age(7-8) the mom wasn't even in the room most of the mass. that bugged me too.

I don't think I'd object quite so much if the snacks were given ONLY when absolutly needed- but these kids had the snacks out the whole time.

[emeleel]

As a member of a conservatve Church of Christ, I have never believed in "eating in church" i.e. dinners, fellowship halls, etc. However, I have no quibbles with little children eating in church. #1 child ate Cheerios, crackers, etc. between Bible class and services until he was about 3. It was his normal snack time and he would get cranky if he didn't eat a snack at a regular time. #2 only had a few snacks along - by then, I was tired of the whole sippy cup, snack bag, wipes, etc. deal! And she didn't get cranky, so she "lost out" on that privelege...poor kid! Teenagers eating in church, however, that's outrageous.

Just as with many other things, eating in church is one of the things that they have to be "weaned" from. I don't see any problem with it at all, as long as they stop by a reasonable age. As with my son, some kids are better if they get to eat because their hunger and sugar levels are managed and they behave better.

[jgibson2[$]]

mtbat,
My parish and most of the others around here now have religious education during one of the morning masses. They've even scheduled it so you can get your kids to class late and still get to mass ontime. Realists planning that one. The Religious ed classes end 10 minutes after Mass, so you don't have to duck out early to get your kids. If you have a director of religious ed in your parish, you mght want to approach them about something similar. People with even younger kids might want to approach the parish council about babysitting during one of the masses. If the parish has a teen group, they could be recruited for help. Confirmation classes are mostly high school around here and the kids are expected to provide some type of community service -- that's one practical option for non-parent sitters. It only works if your parish has a room which could be used for this, though.

[Workingmomof2]

Wow no sunday school at all?

I have to admit, I would change churches. That's just me.

One of the things I found as a child - and now a parent of ..ummm... strong willed children LOL -- is that if church is interesting and fun to kids, they will embrace it. Like anything else, if it's a chore, or boring, they will resent it.

It was one of the driving reasons we went back to church after the kids were born. I wanted my kids to CHOOSE to love God, not have it rammed down their throats and resent it. I wanted church to be a fun and enjoyable experience. The kids program was a major part of our church selection -- fortunately we found one with an absolutely incredible pastor as well, and a really strong community/family.

In any case each individual has to do what they feel right about. What's right for me - or anyone else - may not be right for you. I can only say that in my experience, it's near impossible (not impossible, just incredibly difficult) to really communicate with adults in a way that won't bore kids to tears. I teach Sunday school on a regular basis and the lessons we do are all about hands-on learning, using examples that little kids understand, etc.

And yes - for the littlest ones, we serve a snack too LOL

[frazzledspice]

I am Catholic, too, Fridai, and most churches I've belonged to have had one or more of the following:

- cry rooms.

- babysitting during selected Masses.

- Children's Liturgy of the Word for elementary students--they are dismissed after the Gloria and return during the Offertory, hearing the Bible readings from a Children's Lectionary and listening to a kid-style homily.

- Sunday preschool Religious Ed programs.

And of course we have the Sunday evening Life Teen Mass, where I play in the band. It's not just for teens--everyone loves it.

But yes, I have given kids cheerios in church (and even nursed occasionally, very discreetly...)

[mtbat]

Hey Frazz-can we come to your church? it sounds pretty cool!

Our church offers a parent toddler playgroup-but not on sundays-and we just can't get it into the scedual! they offer catachism(yikes sp) classes, but not on sundays, so far as I know there are no other activities on sunday other than mass.

I'm not really catholic, but my husband is, his parents are and my children are baptized catholic-I feel strongly that I want religion in their lives, but there is such a major difference between this church and the ones I grew up going to. Maybe we need to go to two different churches

I wish this church offered more for young kids-oh and getting my oldest into classes is proving difficult-there are SO many kids in the classes there is almost never any room.

Fridai

[AmyLEnsor]

Interesting thread. My first thought was I don't really remember seeing anyone eat in church, but then I remembered that I brought some Cheerios along as a diversion once when my child was a baby. I have also nursed her in church before. The church I went to last Friday at noon is really huge one that I've only been to once before. That church normally does not allow children under a certain age to attend services. You either have to stay back in the lobby/narthex area and watch the service on tv, or you can put your child in the children's church/nursery. On Friday, however, they offered no nursery service so there were many young children there. I didn't really see any eating, and it didn't occur to me to bring food or drink along, but I don't think I would necessarily cared if I saw a toddler eating crackers. As it turned out, I had to take my daughter out because she became too disruptive. Back in the lobby area it was a lot less "formal" and kids were playing and crying, so eating wouldn't bother me there because it didn't even feel like being in church.

[jgibson2[$]]

Fridai,
My husband isn't Catholic either, so we've done the 2 churches thing for 22 years. It's a royal pain in the butt, but it's important to him so we do it. You should know a few things about the Catholic church.

1. There is no obligation for children under the "age of reason" (about 7) to attend mass. If you went to a different church with a Sunday school program nobody would be breaking any rules. It's one of the things we did when the kids were younger. My kids are better Catholics for having had a Sunday School program that taught them more about scripture than their Catholic school.

2. The obligation to raise the kids Catholic rests on your husband. It's really great if the non-Catholic spouse pitches in with that obligation, and tolerable if they at least don't stand in the way, but it's HIS job unless you decide to convert. I'm lucky, my husband has been very helpful and hasn't thrown any major roadblocks in the way of my obligation to raise the kids Catholic. He's even taken them to Mass without me when I had to work or was sick.

3. Unless you live in a town with only one Catholic church, there's probably a more family-friendly one around. Ask around. Have your husband ask folks he knows and you don't, because it's his obligation -- and it's great if you help him with it. It's worth travelling a little way to find a really good parish. They're out there and I hope there's one near you.