What parents teach their children

I posted a thread some weeks back about a cheer that had been banned by the cheerleading organization for being "inappropriate". It was deemed that the cheer was taunting of other teams and therefore unsportsmanlike.

Ever since then, I've heard one parent after another say "We loved that cheer!", "My daughter wants that cheer back!", and other such things. Today, was no different. So after hearing yet another set of complaints, I saw the head of the cheerleading organization working at the concession stand. So I decided to try to reason with the woman.

I may as well been talking to a brick wall.

Basically, the response I got was "None of the other parents have complained. You don't know what you're talking about." and "This is my town and what I say goes."

I assured her that she was wrong in saying that all of the parents agreed with her decision, and tried to explain why I thought it was wrong to ban the girls from doing the cheer.

She said, "Well, what I say goes. I can't let them do that cheer because the 7th and 8th graders would do it and add attitude."

I tried to explain to her that I felt she was punishing the younger girls for actions that the older girls might take, but she would hear none of it.

Afterwards, a couple of the parents were shocked that I had tried to talk with the woman and praised me for having done so.

But then the woman walked over to us. The other parents scurried away like rats fleeing a sinking ship, leaving me alone to have the woman lecture me on how it was her town and up to her to decide what the girls could and could not do. So I said, "Fine." She obviously wasn't willing to discuss it, so I didn't know why we're still talking about it.

Needless to say, the woman is furious at me, probably as much as I am with her and the other parents who, even when asked point blank by this woman, denied having any problem with the cheer being pulled.

Now I'm at home. I'm still furious. And a little upset with myself.

I tell my daughter to respect authority, but I obviously didn't respect this woman's authority.

But then again, I also tell my daughter that she should discuss things with people if she doesn't agree with them, because sometimes, the person who questions a rule can get it changed. And that it does more good to try to change a bad situation than it is to just sit around and complain about it.

But now, I'm just mad at myself for not keeping my mouth shut. One of the other parents said that this woman was vindictive and finds a way to make the people who challenge her pay. I just didn't believe that anyone would be so narrow minded and unrelenting. I'm worried that she will take it out on my daughter.

Me and my big mouth.

But I wonder... Which was the better role model? (Don't worry... I won't be offended if you say it wasn't me.)

[hadassahchana[$]]

Grace,
If you hadn't set that example for Ellie, I would have been horrified. The only way that we can teach our children to stand up for what we believe is right, is to do so. You did so- and I am so proud of you, and happy for Ellie.

As for teaching her not to question authority, IMO that is one of the most damaging things that a child can be taught. One can question , challenge and debate without being disrespectful. A lesson which Ellie will obviously have to learn from you, and not from the cheerleading woman, btw.

Cindy

[KateTPZ]

Grace - I know how frustrating it can be when others share your views but won't stand up for them, too - it's the sort of thing that'll keep me in a tizzy for days. You've set a perfect example for your daughter.

Cindy - I agree 100%: "As for teaching her not to question authority, IMO that is one of the most damaging things that a child can be taught. One can question , challenge and debate without being disrespectful." I can't think of a more valuable lesson for children to learn. More important, either.

[quasar]

If you don't stick up for yourself and what you believe in, no one else will.

There are cultures where to question authority is like chopping off their own limb with a handsaw and no anesthetic - something no one would consider doing. Ours is thankfully not one of them. We all make mistakes and it is part of the role of the people we interact with to point them out as nicely as possible.

Teach respect, yes, but don't teach her to roll over and assume anyone in authority is always right.

A story to illustrate this, if I may:

When I was in college I had a visiting professor from Japan teach one of my physics classes. I went to The University of Chicago, a school that encourages students to think for themselves and ask questions. We didn't even usually have to raise our hands unless it was a really large class. We just shouted stuff out (a bad habit I'm afraid I've retained).

Well this teacher freaked out when we did this. He couldn't cope. So slowly we started raising our hands but he never called on anyone. His job in his mind was to spew out his wealth of information for the rest of to capture and absorb and nothing else. He was the teacher and therefore couldn't be questioned. Any questions we would ask directly impugned his honor because they implied he hadn't adequately explained the material. This mentality was normal according to a Japanese student who was used to that environment.

Well I was getting quite sick of this after a few weeks, as were several other students in the class. We stayed after class one day to discuss it with him but he was appalled we questioned his methods even though we did so respectfully. He basically dismissed us. I am sorry to say we let it go, feeling that there wasn't much else to do.

Then we had our first test. The next class he gave the corrected exams back and he made a mistake on the second to last problem. I was positive he did. So I stayed after again and as respectfully as I could manage asked him if there had been a mistake made (I didn't ask if he had made a mistake). He indignantly told me that I was wrong and he was right without even looking at what I was pointing out.

I had had it. I went to the undergraduate chair of the department. I tried to get some others to go with me but they didn't want any part of it. I explained to him that I had no desire to get this professor in trouble and that I wasn't questioning his right to teach the class but that I felt his methods ran counter to the environment promoted by the school. I wasn't getting much sympathy until I showed him the problem that had been mismarked and I explained that the professor wouldn't even hear of the possibility he had been wrong and basically insinuated I was a horrible person for even suggesting the possibility.

We had a whole new teacher the following week. Oh he had the same name, and he looked the same. But he let us ask questions and he tried to answer them without having a fit we were asking. Oh, and I got my points on the exam. He resented me the whole rest of the term, but that was okay because I got a lot more out of the class.

Sometimes questioning authority is not only good, but the only logical way to proceed.

Janice

[mtbat]

Grace, this woman needs to be taken down a couple of pegs-her way of doing things-basicly her way or NO way is not acceptable. it isn't HER town-it's everyones town.

she has to answere to someone-and if she takes it out on your daughter, I suspect she may be in for a great deal more grief than she expected.

sometimes the best thing we can teach our children is to QUESTION athority

[frazzledspice]

I think that it's important for kids to see you stand up for what's important to you.

I was in a similar situation when my son, a high school junior, had the comic lead in a play called "Wild Oats." He was the Reverend Ephraim Smooth, a lecherous minister.

At one point, the director decided that it would be even funnier if the Reverend became a friar (and so much easier for the costumes, since they had just done Romeo and Juliet a few months earlier.) I took offense, and called her up.

"The character is written as a minister. Ministers don't take vows of celibacy, and are free to marry. Catholic friars are celibate. By turning the lecherous minister into a lecherous priest, you are making a political, anti-Catholic statement."

She started giving me a lecture about civil liberties, but then changed her mind, saying that since the role had been written as a minister, she would keep it that way. "But don't try to impinge on freedom of speech again," she warned me.

This son, now an adult, has never been afraid to stand up and say what he believes.

[Lisa_J]

School politics are challenging, hair pulling, and maddening!

Like the others said:
I see no error in challenging authority, it done in a respectful way. In acutality I expect my children to stand up for what they believe, and I will support them! Chelsea first succeeded at just that in the first grade... when she objected to partaking in a reading project because it went against her Christian beliefs.

The situation you shared regarding is a tough one. Sounds as though the 'wrong' person is in a leadership role. *sigh* The lady should have at least been willing to listen. And to say it was her town.... Puuuhhhhleasse!

Unfortunately what the others shared with you about vindictive behavior is probably correct and you personally may see the wrath of that. I would hope the lady would refrain from taking out her frustration on your daughter. But, who knows?

I would keep an eye on it, and possibly consider discussing the matter with school officials that oversee the organization.

Best of luck!