Parent Conferences - A Teacher's Perspective

[ms_n]

Yesterday's episodes went something like this:

The clock is telling me it's 3:00 sharp. His mom will be
coming through that door any second. I just called her Sunday and confirmed our conference.

My head goes back to my book. The door cracks and the room sucks in a breath of air. I look up to see a familiar face.
"Ms N., your three called and said she had more important things to do." Silence.

My face must have shown discomfort and disbelief. "Well, she said that something came up and it was more important." More silence. I finally respond and end with,"That doesn't give me much motivation to reschedule."

I call her twenty minutes later. "Hello?" she answers. "Hello, this is X's teacher." Pause. She didn't even have the sense to play dead. "Oh, Ms. N.," she begins, "I cancelled with my other son's teacher, too. I just have so much to do." I ask, "Would you like to reschedule?" She says, " I just have too much to do and can't even think of when I can come right now."

An hour passes after my next appointment was supposed to show. Turns out that his daughter thought they were supposed to meet me in the cafeteria instead of the library.

The conference proceeds. I was happy to report the little girl has shown a lot of improvement in reading. The father proudly says that she loves to read now. She wants to pick up every book she sees. Last year she was totally disinterested. As the father gets up to leave, he says, " I think it's you, Ms. N." I explain that I am just a facilitator, a supporter. It's really all up to the student. Pride creeps up into a smile on my face. Whether it's me or not, that's why I teach first grade.

[amykhar]

people really don't show up for them? Yikes! As disorganized as I am, even I manage to get to them.

Amy

[wivabef]

Originally posted by ms_n
" I think it's you, Ms. N." I explain that I am just a facilitator, a supporter. It's really all up to the student. Pride creeps up into a smile on my face. Whether it's me or not, that's why I teach first grade.

If you are my daughter's first grade teacher, it is definitely you.

And let me tell you about her. She is not especially creative. She is not especially sparkly. She is patient and flexible yet persistent and aware. And because of that, my daughter is crazy for reading yet still able to look out the window and wonder without "lacking focus" (as her Gestapo-esque kindergarten teacher called it).

Isn't it funny how my daughter can be borderline learning disabled according to one teacher and perfectly normal by the standards of another teacher?

A word to parents -- show up as often as you can at your child's school -- the response to both you and your child brightens. Volunteering is like skiing on a cold morning. You don't want to get up, suit up and freeze to the bone on the first ride up the mountain. But once you experience the thrill you're glad something got you up and out of bed.

From my experience, when teachers have positive contact with the parents, the whole relationship with the child changes. I don't think it's intentional -- it just seems that way.

Congrats, Ms N -- I'm sure it's you. And the child. And the parent (who happens to know where the library is -- that's a good sign)

[cyndilouwhoo]

I got back from my own conference re: my Becca.

I am so thankful that there are teachers out there who take time to know their kids--and work with them rather than against them.

There are an awful lot of rigid, "jam the square peg kid in the round kid hole" teachers out there.

I like folks who respect kids for who they are, folks who understand that there is more than one way to learn.

You sound as if you are one such teacher. You should be proud.

Cyndi

Who suggests you ask that this be posted on EA--it's perfect.

[jenninca]

Originally posted by amykhar
people really don't show up for them? Yikes! As disorganized as I am, even I manage to get to them.

Amy

Last year, my no-show rate was a full 50%. This year I have about five parents that I can't get through to by letter, phone, or e-mail. Grrrr.

[mjfrombuffalo[$]]

My husband taught 5th grade until this year. He said it was amazing how the good students' parents showed up and the bad students' parents didn't... coincidence? methinks not. He was always anxious to talk to the parents whose kids were doing poorly but they wouldn't show, return calls, etc... until the report card came out and showed the child was failing. Then the parents called to tell Hubby how it was all his fault.

Also - parents: if your teacher says your kid is doing too much, LISTEN. I don't know how many times Hubby complained that a child's grades started to sink as the band practices, chorus practices, tennis lessons, etc. started to overload the child's schedule -- and many times the parent did not heed the warning. He wrote a note to one parent observing that Child X hadn't been doing her homework since she joined the four-practice-a-week basketball team, and that perhaps they needed to reconsider her being on the team since she was no longer focusing on school work and her grades were suffering. The response from the parents was "How dare you! Don't tell US what to do with OUR CHILD." Of course the district had a "pass every student regardless of grades/ability" policy, so Child X stayed in basketball, learned little over the course of the remaining months, and was promoted to 6th grade without learning all the 5th grade concepts.

Most of the parents were great, by the way.

mj

[thinkerlady[$]]

Parent no-shows sometimes can be a teacher's dream, or nightmare.

This year I prayed for some no-shows, however all were there. Sadly some parents think it is the time to "tell"the teacher a thing or two. But most realize it is a constructive time to share about their child.

Last year, when I was teaching 6th grade, I tried for 6 weeks to make an appointment with a parent whose child had some problems doing homework. Parent either never showed, cancelled, or didn't bother. Anyhow, we never met, and after 6 weeks I gave up.

This year, since I moved up a grade, the child found himself in my room. He wasn't happy, and neither were the parents. Somehow, I got blamed for a problem that they wouldn't meet and talk over with me.

Parents NEED to meet with teachers. But I don't know how to make them attend conferences!!!

[ms_n]

Just a quick note of thanks to the responses here. Thanks!