My daughter has a friend who's bulimic...

frazzledspice · #1 02-20-2002, 03:04 PM

She has a very stressful life, and her parents have just gone through a very bitter divorce.

She has told my daughter that it becomes "addictive." At 13, she is about 5'6" and 105 pounds.

I have never thought that it was dangerous for this girl to be my daughter's friend. My daughter is quite shy, and having a friend she can advise and mother makes her feel pretty mature and capable by comparison.

But my daughter went to the doctor's yesterday with a strep throat, and she had lost 3 pounds in the past three months (90 instead of 93.) She'd also grown a little taller (she's probably about 5'2" or 5'3".) The doctor seemed concerned and asked if she was dieting. I was kind of surprised that she hadn't gained any weight, too.

We talked about her friend on the way home. "You know that what she's done is very bad for her health, don't you?" I said.

"Yes, she's a little crazy," my daughter answered.

I have not seen any indications that my daughter is developing an eating disorder. She'd had a very sore throat and hadn't eaten very much in the previous two days. Other than that, she seems to eat pretty much the way she always has. If she feels full after she eats half her food, she stops eating. If she wants to finish it, she finishes it. I've never seen her binge, or even pig out. She's always had a fairly small appetite, but she eats all her meals.

Is this friendship dangerous for her? Will she become preoccupied with excessive thin-ness?

phoenixx · #2 02-20-2002, 03:09 PM

On the contrary, this could be a beneficial friendship for your daughter, and definitely a beneficial one for her bulimic friend.

The fact that she came to you sbout the problem of her friend shows maturity - you should be proud.

I also would not be concerned about her wieght - my sister lost weight in spite of constant eating when she was 11, 12 and 13 - she was going through a rapid growth spurt. Her weight evened out at 14 when her height stopped sprouting so fast, and her healthy eating habits never changed. Now she is a happy and healthy 20 yr old woman who is 5'7" and 129 pounds, give or take, all the time...

**taurusmoon** · #3 02-20-2002, 03:26 PM

If she hasn't eaten much in the past few days it might be safe to assume that she hasn't had much to drink either. Especially if it hurts her to swallow.

It might just be a case of mild dehydration. I'd venture a guess that she'll put some weight back on once she's feeling better and back to normal. Which will hopefully be soon.

Sara

poseidon · #4 02-20-2002, 07:58 PM

You know, when I was growing up, I had people wondering if I was bulimic or anorexic.

I was 6' and weighed 120 pounds. I was that way until just past college graduation.

I ate like a racehorse. Unfortunately, I was just as active. My body was burning up the calories faster than I could take them in.

I'd bet the relationship is a good one and, as was said above, mutually beneficial. I'd not discourage it.

Jeff
who is 6'1 and weighs about 176 now.

**Prepoia**[$] · #5 02-23-2002, 12:14 AM

frazz,

She may be a bit more weight conscious because of the friendship but bulemia usually doesn't become a trend among friends, from my experiences.

One thing you can sureptuiously watch is if your daughter leaves the meal and then stops off in the bathroom. Oftentimes, they don't binge; they eat; but then they go to the bathroom following the meal to throw up. Yes, it is addictive. Many recovering from the disorder actually miss throwing up. Many parents miss the "where does she go when she leaves the table" part, so I thought I'd mention it.

And it doesn't go away by itself. Counseling is necessary and the sooner the better. People die from this. If the girl's parents are not aware of the problem, someone must tell them. Better an angry friend than a dead one.

Sandy

magenta321 · #6 02-23-2002, 12:42 AM

Wow. My friends and I dabbled with eating disorders when we were about that age. One of us was truly anorexic. The rest of us wished we could be. I know that sounds ridiculous, but we honestly all wished we had the willpower to give ourselves eating disorders. At least we'd be skinny then, right? That was our thinking anyway.

I don't know that I would blame the one sick friend for the fascination within our circle. It did make us think about our weight a lot, and we did try to follow her lead, even though we were failures at it (thank god!). Truthfully, we didn't have it within us. Starving yourself is difficult to do.

I am not sure about bulemia. I am one of those people who throws up a lot anyway (migraines and a very weak stomach), and I HATE IT! So I tried a few times and hated it. It was much easier than starving myself. I just never enjoyed it.

I tend to think most healthy people could have unhealthy thoughts like those, but would not be able to carry it out. I tend to think these eating disorders are mental problems manifesting themselves in an obsession over food, weight, and exercise.

I would not discourage her friendship. I would, however, keep an eye on her (as well as any female that age, really*). However, as long as the lines of communication are open, I think you are in pretty good shape.

*Anorexia and bulemia can affect males too, although not as frequently as females. Still, it should not be ignored.

frazzledspice · #7 02-23-2002, 09:50 AM

Her parents know about her problem, but her Dad doesn't really believe it.

Her Dad thinks that her problems are due to the divorce, and that now that the divorce is over, she'll get better (of course, HE was the one that made the divorce the long, drawn-out mess that it was. If he had an ounce of character, it would have been different.)

Her Mom is very concerned.

The background of the story is this: My daughter's friend's neighbor was bulimic. She was even hospitalized for bulimia. When she got out of the hospital her parents bought her a sports car.

She was also Homecoming Queen.

My daughter's friend looks at her neighbor, sees that she drives a sportscar and is Homecoming Queen and is bulimic, and figures that bulimia has brought her "toys" and "popularity."

She doesn't pay attention to the fact that this sad little Homecoming Queen has lost the enamel on her teeth, can't participate in sports because she has osteoporosis, and has a permanent heart problem.

And still purges...

I don't think that my daughter has been influenced by her friend, simply because she has never had a weight problem, doesn't have a sweet tooth, and hardly ever overeats. My concern is that she may get faulty perceptions about her weight through her association with her friend.