Birthing Stories

[nicholmere]

Does anyone have any birthing stories to share where the partner could not be with the mum during the birthing process? There is a good possibility that I will be alone (if one is ever alone in a room full of RNs and MDs who know what they are doing) when my second child is born and I need to hear some positive stories. Anyone have any?

[Redlass]

The doctors sent my dad out of the birthing room after about 10 minutes. All the blood drained out of his face and he almost passed out. They had to give him tranquilizers and send him to the waiting room. Mom said it went much smoother after he left.

Do you have someone else that can be with you for the birth?

[hadassahchana[$]]

Katherine, not sure why you will be alone, but if you're worried about Kevin being away when you go into labour, I wouldn't worry too much.

With my last baby, I was scared of the same thing because Kevin had two night classes to teach that semester. Twice, I started feeling some very strong contractions, and called the cell phone number that the school had given Kevin, but the phone didn't work either time, so my labour stopped. I go really fast, so I was worried that he would barely make it if I called him with the first contraction.

Also, I have had clinets whose labours have just stopped if their husbands were missing. Most ladies really want their partners there, and just won't do it without them.


Now, can we tell birth stories about when our husbands were there but the doctors/midwives weren't??



Cindy

[cristina1]

My oldest son was born while my husband had to do an unaccompanied overseas tour in Korea with the army. Not only did I go through the birthing process alone, but also the first almost 11 months of raising him.

Will you have any family around? I had my two sisters-in-law as my coaches.
The part that was the hardest was having to hear the hurt and anguish in my husband's voice on the phone because he couldnt be there. The birth itself went smoothly though, and my SILs were great.

[amykhar]

My doctor in Egypt had a cool fee philosophy. If I had to go to the hospital alone and have the baby, his fee was whatever cash was in my husband's pocket when he finally arrived. Even if it was only a single Egyptian pound (about 33 cents at the time).

To be honest, neither of my husbands were much help at any of the births. A good nurse is much more reassuring.

Amy

[nicholmere]

My family is all out on the west coast - about a four hour plane ride away, but even if there was time they wouldn't be able to come. My Aunt is there trying to come to terms with the end of her 10 year marriage and she has no desire to head back east so soon. My dad and step-mum each had surgery recently, my step-mum is still wearing "the boot" (some sort of contraption to help her foot heal properly). They will be with me in spirit and I know I have their support - just not their presence.

My in-laws all live about three hours away, on a good day, by car. My MIL is due to have major surgery next week, and will be in hospital for 1 -2 weeks, and no doubt the rest of the in-laws will want to be with her (rightly so). My FIL (divorced from MIL) has volunteered (after I finally broke down and asked hubby to start asking for help) to come. His schedule is pretty open, so he might make it in time to take over caring for Nicholas (which is great, but brings out a whole other set of fears in me). It all depends on the day of the week and time of the day.

Nicholas was delivered via an emergency c-section, and the MD said I would have to have a c-section next time too (something about my body shape). So, at the slightest sign of labour I intend to head to the hospital to try to convince them that I need a c-section (I do not have the same MD this time ... actually don't have any MD :eek ... so I'm expecting to hear lots of "just cause you had a c-section last time doesn't mean you need one this time ... let's just push a little shall we"). I do not want Nicholas (two years old) to see me in labour or in the birthing room, so since hubby will have to take care of Nicholas until help arrives (if it does) then I'll be on my own.

So ... it's not by choice (unless one considers refusing to let hubby with Nicholas in the room, a choice) that I'll be alone. Last time the MDs an RNs were great (except for that one nurse who said "I thought you knew it was too late for an epidural" ) So as long as things go well I know I'll be okay, sad, but okay.

Any more stories would be most welcome though!

[theeye]

Katharine -

Is there a reason (that you don't mind sharing with us) that you don't have an MD? Given that you are convinced that you will be having a c-section, it would really be a very good idea to have an OB caring for you: s/he would probably want to schedule the c-section.

-TheEye, who doesn't want to pry, but is really concerned

[cristina1]

I was just going to suggest what theeye did - schedule the C-section. That way, you know in advance (at least unless the baby decides to come a little early) exactly WHEN you will be giving birth, and it will all work out fine.

And this way, you wont have to worry about labor - you never get that far.

[jgibson2[$]]

Katherine,
If you don't have a doctor, who's doing your prenatal care? Wouldn't a midwife have introduced you to her backup already?


BTW, I have some very good news for you. Recent studies have shown that the risk of uterine rupture in VBAC is significant enough that only highly motivated women who had a lower uterine segment C-section for reasons other than inadequate pelvic outlet should even be attempting them. Most docs were thrilled with that since they only have to explain the woman's first C-section to peer-review boards. They can just wave the study for repeats.

I'm in Maryland. If you're anywhere nearby and willing to schedule on a Tuesday or Thursday (long story). I'd be delighted to come be with you or watch Nicholas during your C-section.

[nicholmere]

Why no MD? It's a rather frustrating situation.

Apparently since Nicholas was born a new policy was introduced in the referral system here. Family MDs do not refer mums to an OBGYN until their eigth month. I got so frustrated, and depressed, with waiting for pre-natal care that in my 27th week I went back to the MD to ask for some help and to ask for a glucose tolerance test (I'd heard I should have one). I got one of those don't call us we'll call you send offs (along with a requisition for a fasting glucose - he said I didn't need the tolerance test), and so I had to wait for another two weeks (this was over the Christmas holidays) to hear that despite my chanting of my previous birthing record to the RN and MD at least twice, that my request to be referred to Dr. T. was never noted in my chart. Hubby and I each tried to get our own appointment with Dr. T., but he wasn't accepting new patients until April (after my due date) and definitely not taking anyone without a referral. We also started a round of requests ranging from begging to demanding of the family MDs office to get us into see Dr. T. All to no avail. By the time the family MD's office left me a voice mail telling me to go see another MD, booked on a day when I had specifically told them I was not available, I just lost it and said forget it. Being rather depressed about the whole thing hasn't helped my cause I'm sure.

It's not as bad as it sounds, well maybe it is, but I try not to think about it too much. The whole thing is that it seems rather pointless to finally go see an OBGYN, that I don't want (I recognize the name as a recent addition to the OBGYN's in the area), so late in the pregnancy. The hospital's policy on birthing is that you always get the MD on call, so even it was the old system where I saw an OBGYN from day one, I still wouldn't be seeing that OBGYN during the birth (unless he happened to be on call). Getting referred to an OBGYN in my 32 week knowing that Nicholas was born at 37 1/2 just seemed so frustratingly pointless. Hmmm ... I am repeating myself ... sorry.

Tomorrow hubby and I are going to the hospital's orientation for parents-to-be, it's a cross between a pre-natal class and a tour of the wing (Nicholas will be home with a baby-sitter). We went last time when I was pregnant with Nicholas, but they've opened a new wing since then so it is definitely worth going to again. I also have a not-so-secret plan of thowing myself at the mercy of the nurse or nurses doing the course to see what they suggest. They all spoke very highly of Dr. T. when I was in there with Nicholas, and I'm hoping that once I can talk with someone at the hospital face to face that I can make arrangements with people who know what they are doing (I lost all respect for my family MD). I thought about going to Dr. T.'s office myself, without an appointment, but knowing my rather hormonal state I'd probably just start crying and run out - very embarrasing I'm sure When hubby did talk with Dr. T.'s office they said I could always go to emergency if I had any problems, but the pregnancy has been uneventful (apart from the above problems) so I never went.

So, it's been a long time coming, but I am hoping that tomorrow I'll find some answers, some care, heck anyone to take a urine sample If I'm lucky then maybe I will find someone who will help me arrange to see the right MD and to, with even more luck, talk about a c-section vs vaginal birth options.

Judy, I'm not near maryland, but thank you for the kind offer. I'm hoping to find a nurse like you, someone, unlike my family MD's nurse grumble grumble grumble, willing to help me out.

I'm still up for more stories though! I'm in the frame of mind to expect the worse, but if I can hear positive stories of how well things went even when they did not go according to plan, that would be great.

[theeye]

What a horribly ill-conceived (no pun intended) system!

I am simply beside myself: the idea that a pregnant woman is not permitted to see an ob/gyn until the late stages of her pregnancy!

Where are you living, if I may ask?

-TheEye, making a note that she doesn't want to move there in the extraordinarily unlikely even that she ever decides to leave NY

[jgibson2[$]]

Katherine,
There is simply NO excuse for refusing to allow you a consultation with a physician this far into the pregnancy. They are NOT meeting basic standards of care in denying you a glucose tolerance test. Fasting blood sugar really doesn't cut it.

Call the HMO customer service and DEMAND to speak to a supervisor if the first person you call doesn't help you out. Use the words "standard of care" in regard to the glucose tolerance test -- as well as being referred to an OB because you really should be able to schedule that C-section. If that doesn't help, call your state insurance commissioner and perhaps your representative.

Also, when you speak to the nurses ask if they know of any doulas -- those may or may not be nurses, but they are experienced in helping moms plan births and enjoy them -- as much as it's possible to enjoy major surgery.

[mtbat]

WAIT A MINUTE! there are LAWS regarding pre-natal care. if nothing else, find the nearest low-cost/non-insured clinic and go to them.

They CANNOT limit your care during a pregnancy. You should have a glucose test before 27weeks, you should have an ultra-sound before 20weeks.

Call the local health department and see what the state laws are. Then call an investigative reporter and get that HMO!

OHHHH that makes me soooo mad!

Stories-my dad was there for the labor-but left to get a sandwich after 6 hours of getting nowhere-by the time he got back-there I was

My grandfather was a dr-when he tried to deliver one of his OWN children-he passed out and the nurse had to catch the baby he never tried to be in the same delivery room with my grandmom again(13kids total)

I've got a great no-doctor at the delivery story if you wanna hear it.-you probably don't

Fridai

[pluckyduck]

Guys, Katherine is a Neighbor to the North. She's under the Canadian social health system.

This doesn't make you feel better, Katherine, but all of a sudden HMOs don't sound so bad.

I'm sorry and that sucks.

Now, if you really want a C-section, might I encourage you to push (pun only slightly intended) for a scheduled one?

I absoutely refused to do my second baby any other way....nightmare 3 1/2 days in labor and delivery with the first one, only to end up in C section anyway.

I realize it is very discouraging to not have a doctor you are hooked up with, but if you can get someone to schedule you for a c-section, you'll at least be able to plan in advance so DH can be with you.

So sorry for you to have this unnecessary stress.

Andrea

[cristina1]

Katherine, this might or might not help you feel better, but things wont be so bad. Just remember that while in labor, if things arent going bad your husband and son can come in the room and visit you. As soon as you give birth, your husband will be there. And if you get the c-section you think you will, it will be over quickly. Honestly, when I had my c-section I have no clue where hubby even was....lol.

Where in Canada are you? I am about 2.5 hours from Montreal (give or take) - let me know if I could help in any way.

[jgibson2[$]]

Katherine,
Sorry for the mistake, it sounded SO much like some HMO stories I've heard here. If you think it will help, I'd be glad to find the references on those C-section studies. Scheduling is certainly an option and if they don't have good records of your first C-section, they should assume that it's risky for you to attempt VBAC. I still recommend that you try to find a doula. Regardless of your birthing experience, a good doula could make all the difference.

I disagree with Fridai about the value of mandatory prenatal ultrasound. I did con my doc into doing one at 12 weeks during my last pregnancy, because I'd taken Clomid and was paranoid about the possibility of twins. He'd only planned one at 22-24 weeks for a fetal echocardiogram because I'm diabetic. It's nice to know if there are problems which will need to be addressed at birth, but I've seen lots of needlessly worried parents and more than a few missed anomalies even with multiple ultrasounds.

If they don't want to do a glucose tolerance test, a hemoglobin A1C is much more valuable in terms of determining diabetic risk than a fasting blood sugar. I bet they won't go for that, either, though.

[pluckyduck]

Honestly, when I had my c-section I have no clue where hubby even was....lol.

I know where mine was (may he rest in peace) aiming the damn video camera at my "amazing layers of fat cells"...exclaiming how he had no idea that there was that much fat underneath the skin! .... and asking me if it was okay if he film them sewing me up.

Basically, making a royal pest of himself.

Andrea
who found the nurses to be wonderful

[cristina1]

Oh Andrea! Arent men just so wonderfully sensitive sometimes?

All I heard from my hubby was how "cool" it was to see all of my guts hanging out. And he wondered why I got sick shortly after him telling me all about it. LOL

But my first C-section they drugged me up with morphine, so I didnt have a care in the world. For my second scheduled one, the doctor was so darn good-looking that I didnt care where hubby was

[mtbat]

I disagree with Fridai about the value of mandatory prenatal ultrasound. I did con my doc into doing one at 12 weeks during my last pregnancy, because I'd taken Clomid and was paranoid about the possibility of twins. He'd only planned one at 22-24 weeks for a fetal echocardiogram because I'm diabetic. It's nice to know if there are problems which will need to be addressed at birth, but I've seen lots of needlessly worried parents and more than a few missed anomalies even with multiple ultrasounds

huh, didn't think I said anything about them being mandatory :p

I said something about you "should" have an u/s.

I agree, too many U/sounds can be a bad thing-but having one is probably best for everyone-if it looks like there is a problem, it can be double checked.

But hear me! I had more ultrasounds than I can remember with my last pregnancy. I was diagnosed with low amniotic fluid-low/normal-1/2 the problem was the ultrasound tech at the regular doctors office a woman I'd dearly like to throttle.

I did have an ultra-sound done by a specialist-that showed my baby boy to be 100% normal with all the right parts in the right places.

I think an ultra-sound can often make mom's breath a bit easier.

Fridai

[nicholmere]

Well, I am making progress on the MD front.

During the introductions at the class we were asked who are MDs were. One person had "my" MD, Dr. T. ... sigh ... she later told me that she only got to see him because of some infeterility treatments she was on. I assured her she was in good hands (not about the infertility stuff, since I don't know how he is with that, but just as a great OBGYN).

After the lunch break the RN told me that she'd gone to the Maternity floor to speak with the outpatient clinic staff and the MD about me. They had my 16 week ultrasound on file, but that was all. She assured me that I could (should) go there after class to get set up with an MD. So, after class she took hubby and I up there. Things went very well, got to see the baby on the ultrasound, got a rhythm strip, got an examination (ouch), got a request to be followed weekly by the MD starting this week, and got a tentative date for a c-section with a plan for another ultrasound and pre-op blood work. Wow! Finally after 36 weeks I feel like I'm being properly cared for - it's a nice feeling

We're still not sure how things will work out for hubby to be there even if the c-section is scheduled. He will definitely be off work (plans to take two weeks off), but the timing might be difficult. If I'm one of the first cases (8AM) then it will be rather difficult to get someone to be at our place (after a three hour drive) early enough to let hubby get to the hospital in time. But, even if he can't be there during the operation at least I'd know he was going to show up soon.

We heard some interesting stories of parents who brought their children in during the L&D. Only one of them was a positive story, apparently some woman of steel mom who made the whole process look very comfortable and controlled for her 7 year old niece. But, also heard of a three year old that just freaked out

It was odd during the class to experience a negative attitude to c-sections. After one of the videos of a birth I was ooohing and ahhhing at the little baby (these videos always make me at the end, but I have a hard time watching them during the labouring scenes). When the lights came up one of the mum's in the class said, "look at her, she's the only one smiling cause she knows she doesn't have to go through it".
I felt like telling my little horror story of birth with my first son, but throughout the day hubby and I made a point of not saying a lot of 'oh we did that' or 'we never did that' type of thing since we were the only 2nd time parents there.

Anyway, I'm happy with the progress and I'm hoping for a late morning scheduled c-section.

Thank you for all the feedback! It was greatly appreciated.

[nicholmere]

Originally posted by pluckyduck
Guys, Katherine is a Neighbor to the North. She's under the Canadian social health system.

Since the late 70's I have always had connections within the health system, either through relatives or my own employment at a hospital, so I've never faced any problems before. Also, living in a big city must have helped.

It was quite a shock to move to the country only to discover that there were no MDs taking new patients. I had never heard of such a thing. The family MD that I had when I lived in Toronto told me that I had to find a new local MD and that I couldn't come to see her any more because she was so far away. I asked her for a referral, but she said she didn't know anyone in my area (great, tell me I can't see you and then not help me find someone?) and that all I had to do was call the local hospital to get a referral. I'd heard of the health care crisis, MD shortage, RN shortage, increased waiting lines ... etc. but it doesn't sink in until you listen to a pre-recorded message at the hospital telling you that there are no MDs accepting new patients, that if you have an emergency then come to the hospital, otherwise visit a clinic.

Wow.