10 ways to connect with your child today

[emeleel]

We're all guilty of it from time to time - feeling out of sorts with our family members because we're just not "in the same place" so to speak. Even those of us who are lucky enough to be stay at home parents sometimes get caught up in a book, the internet, household duties, civic volunteerism and more and just lose touch with those we love. And then we feel bad, especially when we realize that we're shortchanging the littlest members of our family, the ones that we are responsible for bringing up to be loving, caring people themselves. In this busy world, what are some ways we can get around these roadblocks and get back to truly touching our children's lives?

1. Turn off the TV while you're engaged in an activity with your child - It's not always enough to just turn off the TV, not always enough to sit down and do something with him. Try doing both at the same time. I'm guilty of this at our house; bedtime comes right in the middle of TV "prime time" and I often have one eye on the bedtime books and one on the TV. Put your self wholeheartedly into your activity, whether it's reading, coloring, playing with blocks or helping with homework. Show them that they are the most important to you by removing distractions.

2. Turn off the radio in the car - Sometimes it's the adults getting engaged in the morning radio news show, sometimes it's older children getting lost in "their" music, shutting out the rest of the world. Whichever it is, you're probably losing valuable time with each other when you could be discussing how they will handle school today, or, after school, what happened during the day. With younger children, you can use the time to sing silly songs together, tell stories (they're not just for bedtime!) or just talk about why the sky is blue.

3. Take them with you - Our children have gone pretty much everywhere we have gone. Granted, my husband and I really haven't been invited to any glamorous soirees that would require leaving them, but there have been times and places that we could choose to leave them with someone else - and we choose not to. I realize that this is easiest when one parent stays home and the other parent has a moderate work schedule, but even if both parents work and work hard, take a look at the things you do and the places you go and see what you can work out. Try a family trip to the grocery store - not only will the primary grocery shopper get an extra pair of hands (or more) but your whole family will get to spend time talking and working together.

4. Get involved with their school - If your child is in school, try to make time to volunteer in their classroom, or anywhere else that the PTA/PTO might need your help. However, do not try to make that time a special time just for you and your child. Your presence in the classroom is enough to let them know you care, and you will be learning more about their daily routine and getting to observe their academic and social progress. Be sure to ask about chaperoning field trips; teachers always need a few responsible adults to come along when taking out a group of children.

5. If you can't do that, get involved with their schoolwork - You needn't pore over every math problem and every single spelling word or give them quizzes of your own making, but do make sure to stay abreast of what your child is learning in school. Spend some time each evening finding out what their assignments are, which subjects they like and dislike - and why - if they feel they are learning as well as the other children, and so forth. Discuss any problems they might be having with their teacher(s) beyond, "Mr. Smith is sooo mean!". Even if your child is doing well in school, you don't need to let your responsibility to them slide. Make sure that they are being challenged enough, that they are being given enough work to adequately learn the material, that they are meshing well with the teacher and that there are no social problems that you don't know anything about.

6. Let them interrupt, or at least be on the fringes - You know what my kids were doing while I was writing 1 - 5? Combing my hair. They were having a blast, and I feel better knowing that they weren't shut out. Granted, there will be times when you absolutely must have peace and quiet to accomplish a goal and children must be made to understand that at those times. But stop and think sometimes - will it really hurt if your child is beside you, playing or reading, and is allowed to interrupt with questions? If so, then let them in!

7. Don't split up if you don't have to - While child-specific areas within a larger context are very nice, if you've been apart most of the week, why drop your child(ren) off while you go "do your thing"? If the museum has a children's space included, go visit it with them and spend time there with them, interacting. Then take them with you to visit the "grownup" portion of the museum. While this may not be a popular suggestion, consider bringing your children to regular worship services with you rather than shipping them off to the nursery or "children's church". Unless an activity is absolutely adults only, no question about it, try bringing them with you - you will be spending valuable time together, plus they will benefit from a learning experience they wouldn't otherwise receive.

8. Don't be afraid to indulge your inner child - Let's face it, what do children like to do best? Play! And they love to play with their favorite people, their parents. But, I have to admit, sometimes playing is hard for us old folks. We're so far removed from that time in our life that we forget how to just let loose and have FUN. I often feel like I'm just going through the motions when playing pretend with my kids, and I honestly don't like that feeling, because I don't want them to pick up on the vibes and feel like I don't enjoy spending time with them. Take your cues from your child, loosen up, open up and enjoy yourself!

9. Get them involved with what you do around the home - Some of my fondest memories of my childhood are the ones I have of "helping" my parents, whether it was helping Dad with the plumbing, building things, hoeing my own row in the garden, or helping Dad re-roof our entire house in the middle of August. (In Central Georgia, no less!) I loved being involved with my parents, getting to either actually help or at least to work on my own little project on the side, it really made me feel special. Even if you don't do projects around the house, children should definitely be involved with chores that are age-appropriate. My children help with the dishes - the oldest likes to rinse and the youngest likes to put them in the drainer. Both of them like to help me put clothes in the washing machine and dryer. Even a one year old can be given a damp rag to "dust" with while you're working. Don't be scared to let them try the big stuff, too, my son has loved vacuuming with our upright vacuum since he was about a year and a half old! So besides spending time with each other, they are also learning valuable lessons about family responsibilities.

10. If all else fails, make a date - If you're going through a super-busy time in your life, don't assume that you can put your children on the back burner "just for now". Do your best to block out a portion of time to devote to them, and make sure that you are focused only on them, not the TV, not thinking about your next presentation, trying to devise a new management plan or anything else. While I'm a firm believer that quantity is just as important as quality (as in "quality time"), I'm realistic, I know that some people have impossible schedules or just times when they must be away a lot. For times like that, you must do the best you can - just make sure that you make the time to be able to do that "best you can".

[hadassahchana[$]]

I loved this! I especially liked #8 - why do you think that we bought so much Playmobil stuff for the kids? I love playing knights and castles!

Cindy

You know, I've been trying to write a satire of this all day and I only have 7 bullet items. *grumble*

[emeleel]

LOL, Larry, I assume yours has something to do with, oh, maybe....CATS?