Things Not To Write In Performance Reviews

[Joubert[$]]

· Since my last report, this employee has reached rock bottom and shows signs of starting to dig.

· His men would follow him anywhere, but only out of morbid curiosity.

· I would not allow this man to breed.

· This associate is really not so much of a has-been, but more of a definitely won't be.

· Works well when under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in a trap.

· When he opens his mouth, it seems that this is only to change whichever foot was previously in there.

· This man has delusions of adequacy.

· She sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them.

· This employee should go far -- the sooner she starts, the better.

· This employee is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot.

· Not the sharpest knife in the drawer.

· Got into the gene pool while the lifeguard wasn't looking.

· A room temperature I.Q.

· Got a full six-pack, but is missing the plastic thingy that holds it together.

· A gross ignoramus -- 144 times worse than an ordinary ignoramus.

· A photographic memory but with the lens cover glued on.

· Bright as Alaska in December.

· Donated his brain to science before he was quite finished using it.

· The gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn't coming.

· This man has two brains; one is lost and the other is out looking for it.

· If brains were taxed, she would get a rebate.

· Any dumber and he would have to be watered twice a week.

· If you gave him a penny for his thoughts, you would get change back.

· If you stand close enough to him, you can hear the ocean.

· It's hard to believe that he beat out 1,000,000 other sperm.

· Some drink from the fountain of knowledge, he gargled.

· Was left on the Tilt-A-Whirl a bit too long as a baby.

· Not the brightest bulb in the chandelier.

[amykhar]

Hmmm, so that's what you were doing the other day.

Amy

[Joubert[$]]

A friendly HR person sent it to me when I finished a review that I really didn't want to write.

And one I really don't want to give tomorrow. But I'll be gone for a week, and this person has the whole time to consider their priorities.

[pluckyduck]

Works well when under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in a trap.

I like that one. I might use it sometime.

Andrea