Creative Excuses for Calling off from Work

[amykhar]

Given the personalities of our membership, I am sure that you all have some doozies

What's the most creative way that you can think of to call off of work?

Amy

I've BS-ed Jewish Holidays before when I worked for all redneck Goyem.

"It's the Festival of Pfn'eh," I said. "And I'm not doing well with this fasting stuff."

Didn't try that one at the last job because the GM was also Jewish and got pissed at anybody who pulled the BS holiday game.

Okay, Alex, let's take Illnesses for $200. I've claimed colds on easy days (not hard to do with my allergies and accent), serious intestional issues ("Lo and behold, my butt-runneth-over!"), and skin cancer checkups ("Damn, I should have used sunblock.").

And what if I don't care if they fire me or not?

Well, I've called in dead before. "Hi there. I'm dead. Don't bother calling me because I'm dead. Let's see if I am dead tomorrow." *click* If somebody pages me, I respond with a message of "HOW DARE YOU DISTURB THE DECEASED! HAVE YOU NO SHAME?"

There are times when I throw comments back at people. "I'm seeing a doctor today because he's going to check out my ass. You said I had my head up it yesterday, so I'd better get that checked out by a professional." *click*

I've also blown off useless budgeting sessions with the same feeling. "Sorry, but I had my budget cut back this year, I've had to make up for a lack of resources with extra hours out of my own schedule, and our allocation for sh*ts has run out for the quarter. So, really, I don't have any sh*ts to give, so I can't give a sh*t." *click*

Finally, money can be a motivator. "Hourglass is empty. Put more sand in my bank account or wait for me to turn it back over." *click* or "I didn't bother doing laundry, all I have is suits, so I think I will go out job interviewing today. See ya." *click*

[hypotenuse]

Well, I don't phone in, I email in.

Me: I am not there.

My prof: Too bad, I gave everyone who attended class tonight a $100.

Me: Put it in my paypal account. I don't like to carry cash...


Ok, so that wouldn't work every where, but you never know until you try.

Lynne

[KateTPZ]

Years ago (when I was younger and dumber) I needed a Monday off to go to the beach with my sister and her two very young daughters. I tend to burn REALLY bad when I go to the beach, so I called work before I left Monday morning for the beach and told them I couldn't come in because I had a really bad sunburn. (They'd seen me burnt before - it wasn't a tough sell.) The only problem was, then I HAD to get burnt at the beach - intentional pain and suffering is not my normal style!

Now I don't make excuses - I just say "I'm not coming in."

[slick4591[$]]

I stole my favorite from a former secretary (she called in once too often and too many days in a row with no doctors excuse). She would have her boyfriend call and say that she had "the sugar". No one knew what "the sugar" was and never asked her (she was not diabetic, so everyone figured it was more like a hangover).

So, my code word to my boss for "I'm just too damn lazy to come to the office today" is "I've got the sugar." I use it wisely though.

[mtbat]

right now, as a SAHM I really don't have that calling in sick option-which sucks because there are some days I'd really LIKE to call in sick

My husband however has used ME being "sick" as an excuse not to work-he calls in and tells them I am sick, so he is taking care of the kids-IF ONLY THIS WERE TRUE-

I've never been too creative-but the worst that ever happened was one time I called in sick for my roomate-and her boss told me-"okay, well you tell her she's fired" (of course roomate was a total flake and he had good cause to fire her)

Fridai

[Joubert[$]]

I guess I'm like some of the other workaholilcs around here. I never call in sick. Okay, when I'm in the ER, yeah, but the last time I was there, I was released at 1:30 a.m. and answered an email from the president at 2:15 because I knew I wasn't going in that morning.

Now I simply say, "I'm working at home." One of the perks. Probably do it once or twice a month now, but darn it, I actually do work most of the day!

[murasaki]

In the Army, if you're sick, you have to go see the doctor, but that can take all morning. However, I always tried to schedule my dental and medical appointments for mid-afternoon and then just didn't return to work for the rest of the day.

Moving is a great excuse: the cable guy is coming, have to be home for the phone guy, need time to clean my TA-50 before turning it in, clearing post (I can usually stretch a two-day job into about 5), household goods are arriving today, tomorrow and one day next week (multiple shipments).

Ah, yes, your tax dollars at work.

--naomi

[cristina1]

Moving is a great excuse: the cable guy is coming, have to be home for the phone guy, need time to clean my TA-50 before turning it in, clearing post (I can usually stretch a two-day job into about 5), household goods are arriving today, tomorrow and one day next week (multiple shipments).

The funny thing about when hubby was in the military is that they never question any reason that you give to take time off. We had a bomb threat at our duplex (the neighbors were having a fight and the guy threatened to blow up the house) and the police evacuated us. I told hubby he isnt going to work because if our house blows up, he is damn well going to be there with me when it happens. So he called work and told them that our house is being searched for bombs, and they were like "Oh, ok. Come in when you can." Another time when our apartment (off-post) flooded, he called in saying he had to move us because we were underwater, same response. I think if we called and said we had an alien invasion he would have gotten "Ok, come in when you can." LOL

Of course, when we had post clean up days (where you HAD to stay home and do yard work, etc), his NCO would stop by to make sure he wasnt fooling around. Go figure.