We need a sub-forum: Stupid Stories about Stupid People in Florida

[theworm[$]]

Sometimes you see the headline, and you just know its another Florida story!

A man crashed his car after a pet snake he had wrapped around his neck began attacking him, authorities said.

[pippadaisy[$]]

LOL. I actually read about one of my friends before I met her. She was best known for having to have her classic Torino ripped apart after her boa constrictor climbed in there during a road trip. She's from Jersey, though.

[brian_igo]

Things you probably don't see in your hometown paper:

Mornings bring a certain kind of dread to the neighbors along a quiet Kendall road off Miller Drive -- even to those who long ago resigned themselves to the piles of dead roosters and disemboweled goats and the unearthly odors that have become a constant fixture in this suburban enclave.


''It's Halloween every day,'' said Carla Savola, pointing at a roadside tree where a headless chicken hangs from a branch, spinning on a black ribbon like a macabre piñata. ``And everywhere, there is the smell of death.''
The stretch of road along the CSX railroad line, and the tracks themselves, have evolved over the years into a hot spot for Santeria practitioners to dump sacrificed animals that are a cornerstone of their AfroCaribbean religion.


Joggers on their way to nearby Tropical Park sidestep the familiar bundles of plastic shopping bags, knowing that they contain blood offerings to Santero gods, or orishas. Neighborhood dogs and adventurous children have been known to bring home the odd skull or jawbone.


And on a recent afternoon, the carcass of a snow-white goat -- gutted, drained of blood, sun-bleached bones poking through the hide -- disappeared into a cloud of chalky dust and fur as several thousand tons of locomotive came barreling down the rails.


Neighbors say they have nothing against Santeros, just the furred and feathered relics they leave behind.

Yeeeeah.

[emeleel]

Yike. Where's that twitch smiley?!

[pippadaisy[$]]

There's actually a house on our way to and from the preschool that practices some sort of something judging by what hangs in their yard.

[theworm[$]]

I'm not going to judge the religious practice, but there really should be some law about the dumping of the bodies - it's not sanitary, attracts all sorts of vermin and is just........ well.... you know....

[theworm[$]]

How did I miss this one?

Man Caught With Pot Was Hiding Something Somewhere Weird

A dunderhead in Inverness, Florida, who said that he was “trying to make a buck” was busted during a traffic stop for marijuana possession with intent to distribute and hiding a glass pipe between his butt cheeks, according to the Citrus County Sheriff’s Office.

the bold is mine.

[hadassahchana[$]]

Here we go, today's news flash from Florida:

3 million bees removed from house


So, the couple hear their house buzzing for 5 months and aren't at all puzzled by this?

[emeleel]

Actually, that's last year's story, but there was a headline on CNN today for a video report about a 7 foot tall hive at someone's house in FL. I've got dial-up so I didn't try to watch it, don't think I could anyway without the subsciption service. I tried to find a regular story but didn't find much.

[hadassahchana[$]]

Ack! Maybe we need a 'stupid Cindy' thread, too. I was trying to find the article about the seven-foot hive, since I couldn't get it to load, and thought I'd found it.

[pippadaisy[$]]

I found it on CNN.. it was a 3-ft. hive in a tree. The one Cindy posted was WAY dumber.

[theworm[$]]

Dad Allegedly Shoots at Son's Computer

A father fed up with his son for spending too much time on the computer, allegedly fired shots at the monitor, authorities said.

Maybe parenting school would help?
We can set boundaries.
We can remove the computer from his room.
We can remove the cables.
We can talk.
Or we can fire shots in the kids bedroom and shoot the monitor.

[pippadaisy[$]]

Not to mention the son is 22???

I have a CRT in the basement still in the box... think he wants it?

[theworm[$]]

Police taser mistake prompts internal investigation

Several police officers were conducting a mock arrest Wednesday night when two other officers, who were not involved in drill, heard chatter on the radio. They responded to reports of a suspicious person carrying a golf club and acting in a threatening manner.
When the officers arrived, they confronted the other officer, posing as a suspect, and tasered him

[pippadaisy[$]]

It's the blind protecting the naked.

[theworm[$]]

South Florida real estate tycoon wrestles alligator in Everglades -- and loses




....

South Florida real estate tycoon wrestles alligator in Everglades -- and loses By Buddy Nevins South Florida Sun-Sentinel Posted May 4 2006 Real estate tycoon Ronald Bergeron, who developed much of the former Everglades in southwest Broward County, was bitten on the hand while trying to wrestle with one of the Everglades fiercest denizens -- an American alligator. Bergeron said he was giving an all-terrain vehicle tour of his 5,000-plus-acre private nature preserve in Hendry County on Sunday morning to guests who had donated $10,000 to the Boys and Girls Club for the weekend. "Couples donate a lot of money to charities for the weekend and I always tell them I'm going to wrestle an alligator," Bergeron said Wednesday. "It's part of my Florida cracker culture. My grandfather was a game warden in the Everglades and I grew up around alligators." Bergeron said he usually rides on the alligator's back for a minute and lets it go. He said he never harms the alligators. But this time, the stunt turned ugly. "I saw Ronnie jump on its back and suddenly he was dragged under water," said Aleida "Ali" Waldman, Bergeron's real estate attorney. She said the guests stood stunned on the shore. "He was rolling and I couldn't keep control of his mouth," Bergeron said. "He grabbed my hand in his mouth." "When Ronnie came up for air, he was screaming," Waldman said. When the alligator got near shore, Waldman and Bergeron yelled for car dealer Rick Case and others to grab the reptile's tail and pull it out of the water. Bergeron, who let the gator go when he got on shore, was driven to Cleveland Clinic in Weston. His left pinky finger was shattered, his ring finger was broken and there were puncture wounds through his palm in several places. Dani Moschella, a spokesperson for the Florida Fish and Wildlife Conservation Commission, said, "It's illegal to harass an animal in any way. Alligators are a species of special concern."

[/quote]

not just illegal - it's stupid!

[pippadaisy[$]]

Hey, he called HIMSELF a cracker. I didn't have to.

[theworm[$]]

Hm. Something went very wrong with that post - I didn't mean to quote the whole article. He's being eaten by an Alligator, so what does he do? He calls for the Car Dealer to save him.

[pippadaisy[$]]

I wasn't aware that snakes could eat alligators.