I come from a distinguished line of curbers. You know, trash pickers.
Nothing horrified G more than the first time he saw me skitter off our front porch to go loot a neighbor's trash pile. Nothing makes me happier than rescuing something a neighbor doesn't want and adding it to my household inventory, and nothing is more fun than trolling a neighborhood the evening after a multi-house garage sale to see what's left. I have a desk my grandfather fixed up for me when I was a child, and Buster and Bug's new beds are bunks the neighbors were trashing that we repainted.
The problem, however, is that there is a professional trash picker who goes through my neighborhood on the night before trash day. I've been curbing for over 30 years, and there is an etiquette: you wait until people are done taking their trash out (and preferrably back inside). You don't mess up their trash pile. You aren't rude.
This asshat breaks all the rules. He picks through the trash and leaves a mess. He's bold enough to ask folks if they "have anything else" and has been known to venture up farther in the lawn than is proper curbing etiquette, and nearly took my plastic Adirondack chairs last year (a neighbor stopped him).
However, this week took the cake. I put our old gas grill out at the curb. Yesterday morning, I went out to find that he had REMOVED THE TOP PART OF THE GRILL and left the rest. You know, the part you put the briquettes in? Now, that in itself is a breach of curbing etiquette (take it home and salvage the parts, then dump the rest in YOUR trash), but he DUMPED THE COALS in my trash.
Further inspection revealed that the glass chards remaining from a failed barbeque attempt of G's were still at the bottom with the briquettes, and he dumped them IN MY LAWN. I have four small children who regularly cross to our neighbors right where we leave the trash. I spent 20 minutes picking glass out of my LAWN.
Next Sunday, beer in hand (preferrably an import so I can reveal my classiness), I will be sitting in one of my nearly-stolen Adirondack chairs at the bottom of my driveway. And I shall inform him that if he EVER does anything that classless again, I will make sure to tell the neighbors to keep their trash inside until Monday morning (ensuring better pickings for me) and I will also begin calling 911 the minute I see him on the street and report him for trespass.
There are certain things I will not tolerate. A general lack of manners is at the top of the list.
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When Poe ain't happy, ain't nobody happy.
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