Rating Rules (A bit of Silliness to help pass a slow Epinions news week)

[amykhar]

It has come to my attention that there are no official written community rules about rating reviews. I say we should write them. I'll get us started by writing the basic rules for software reviews.

A. Any software review written on Sunday must state whether or not the software serves a continental breakfast. I have never seen software that does serve breakfast, but unless you explicitly state that it does not, I will rate you down. In addition, no reviews on file sharing products can be written on Sunday. File Sharing is a sin, and must not be discussed on the Christian Sabbath.

B. Reviews written on Monday must NOT mention breakfast at all. Instead, a VH software review will discuss the weather in your home town.

C. On Tuesday, the perfect software review will be exactly 3,333 words long. Anything deviating from that number on Tuesday will recieve and NH.

D. The perfect Wednesday software review will only be about Pal-Talk. No other software product is suitable for Wednesday.

E. Thursday is a day for NOT writing software reviews. True geeks understand that Thursday is the typical day for Epinions site upgrades and is not a sensible time to post reviews. Therefore, any software review written on a Thursday is not written by a true geek and is hence, useless.

F. Friday software reviews should list the ingredients in the cardboard box the software came shipped in. If the software was downloaded and not shrink-wrapped, the review must discuss the server architecture of the download site.

G. Saturday reviews should only be about PC games. I don't want to think about business software on Saturdays.

[hadassahchana[$]]

Software reviews (and reviewers, for that matter) frighten me, so we'll discuss The Rules for reviewing books instead.

1. If the cover colour, size of print and photo of author are not discussed in detail, the review cannot possibly help a consumer make a buying decision and therefore cannot be rated VH.

2. If the book is part of a series, more space must be devoted to the entire series instead of discussing the actual book being reviewed. If this is not possible, then the opposite tack must be taken, and the way the book fits into the series must be studiously ignored.

3. If a cookbook is being reviewed, it is acceptable to announce that in fact you have not actually made any of the dishes and furthermore do not ever cook as long as a recipe is included in the review.

4. Occasionally a bad shopping experience causes a consumer to feel the urgent need to review a particular store. In those cases where a store's manual is available from Amazon and therefore appears in the EPs database, it is acceptable to drop a store review into the middle of the books section.

5. When reviewing any of the 'End of days' genre such as the 'Left Behind' series, it is not only acceptable but required to use the title as a theological pun, as in "I read my Bible like a bus schedule so I will never be Left Behind".

Cindy

[anderclayton]

and is hence, useless.

Translating this into Epinions speak... Useless=Not Helpful?



Sigh. Love to do something like this for Movies except I don't want to encourage people.

Ander