The Sandstorm

[Jackfish]

This was the hardest thing he had ever done. Not only was he losing the thing he loved most in the world, he had to make it easy for her to leave. Things had to happen like this. She was precious to him and her happiness was much more important than his own. He packed her things in boxes. Everything she owned went into the boxes. The shampoo, stuffed bears, dried flowers, dishes, clothes and his heart. Little spaces were left between the items and he filled those spaces with love. He had enough love to fill all the boxes. He wasn't able to share it with her, so there was plenty to fill anything leaving the house. He crammed the spaces with as much love as he could and then tamped it in nice and snug. Nothing was ever damaged by too much love. The idea was, if the bitterness ever seeped out of her, maybe the love might still linger in the house and find it's way in. A long shot perhaps, but anything was worth a try.

Arrangements were made for others to do the actual moving but at the last minute he knew he had to do it himself. No one could be trusted to move such a precious cargo except him. No person in the world knew how dear these things were and with how much care they should be handled.

He did his best to keep smiling as he worked but often the hurt would show. Sometimes that much hurt just takes control and pushes everything else aside. Hurt has elbows and it pokes smiles out of the way.

The second trip she asked him to stop at a store. She needed a few things for her new home. Mostly cleaning products. She picked up a can of furniture polish and read the label. Probably checking to make sure it listed dried teardrops among the things it could remove. Yes, there it is! About a third of the way down the list. ...banana stains, monkey hair, dried teardrops, beach tar...undoubtedly a high quality furniture cleaner.

This had to be the smoothest move in history with one exception. Not one scratch on any item except the heart that was packed in the first box. It was broken when it went into the box but seemed to be re-broken again every time another item was carried into the new house. At the end of the move it was ground into fine sand. How would he ever figure out how to fit the pieces back together? Who knew that sand came from broken hearts? Where did the missing dollar go at the cheap hotel? Too many questions and very few answers.


He stayed long after his presence was needed. Maybe there was another small item she would need him to tend to. That was not the case though. What was left was business she had to take care of herself. Unpacking things and finding places for the items from the boxes was all that was left. The washer and drier were connected and working, the microwave was plugged in and the clock set, TV and stereo connected and working just dandy so his help was no longer needed. Her new life started now. As he was leaving, she was vacuuming the new carpet and it hit him hard. She was vacuuming to remove all the sand that had been a heart. She thought it was sand tracked in by the moving of furniture. There was no doubt in his mind that the suction from the machine was also removing all traces of love that he had placed in the boxes. It had been leaking out all day. He knew it because he could see it in the corners. Someone should have stopped at Wal-Mart and bought a love detector to hang on the wall. First Alert can fix you up with a nice model for less than twenty dollars. It would have been wailing like a Banshee. Legend has it that with no Norsemen being killed in battle, the Valkries ride the Heavens and collect all the unused love, bottle it and sell it at the gift shop in the Valhalla Hilton. Norse maidens have to eat, don't they? Horse feed isn't cheap, either.

The trip between the two homes was much shorter when you didn't have a load of furniture. Memories are very lightweight. At least in trucks they are lightweight. In the head, memories are pretty heavy and can be quite a strain on a weak or broken heart.

The house was too quiet and cold when he arrived. Much too quiet! He never remembered this much room in the house. Removing a few flowers, baskets and stuffed bears can really open a house up. Enough room for some demons to stretch their legs and get comfortable. His idea was that when her belongings left the house, there would be some relief. Wrong again! This was the day the demons were waiting for. Demons can smell a broken heart from a mile away and move into a home in a heartbeat. The demons had been staying in the house, but never really been properly introduced. They were everywhere now. Weird places like the place where a stack of dinner plates once sat. Even demon spoor on the bare walls of the bedroom. There were demons hanging from every empty nail where a picture had hung.


That night he was having trouble sleeping, which was nothing new, but something was different this time. He got out of bed and pulled back the sheets and found the problem. A small bit of grit in the bed. It might have been sand. He had a ritual he had been doing for 23 years in bed. He would reach over and place his hand on her back as soon as he got into bed and do the same when he awoke. The hand still reaches for a back that is spending the night elsewhere. Instead of a nice warm back his hand feels demon skin. The two are very different and it makes for a long night.


The next morning he got up early, fixed coffee and went to check his messages. He noticed a stack of photos he should have shared with her. Looking through the pictures he found some snaps of a trip to Cancun with his wife and daughter many years before. Several pictures were taken on a boat, a few they took at the Mayan ruins, but he came to one that made him shiver. It was his wife on a long white beach. How many hearts had to be broken to make a beach?

[tipu]

Originally posted by Jackfish
Hurt has elbows and it pokes smiles out of the way.

Wow!

I vacillated a lot since you made it so hard, but the above quote contains my favorite sentence.

Beautiful, I hope not based on any recent personal experience, but then, such items are the usual upshots among those with the Craft...

"And after all the feelings go, I see I still love you so,
I just thought I'd let you know now that everything's okay,
And you are on your way back, back to where you came,"
She said with pain in her heart, it was there from the start.
Now I know why everything turns grey, but it's our own world we paint
And I want the brightest, I want fluorescence every day and night
For the rest of my life, open your eyes, won't you?
Can't you see you're still so beautiful to me?


— The Crab Song :: Faith No More
*

[hadassahchana[$]]

Jackfish,

This is really wonderful! I carried fragments of this story around with me all day - it says something that your words stuck with me after only one reading last night. I had to come back and reread your story, to see if I would enjoy it as much the second time around. I did.

Cindy

[wendy634]

Jack,,, You are my friend...Thanks for the lovely thoughts... How lucky I am to have such a friend as you ...

[taurusmoon]

Jack,

What a poignant piece of writing. I hope you'll continue to share your gift with us.

Sara

[conradd]

Wow.

So much emotion in so few words. Like Cindy noted, your story stayed with me long after the reading ended. Thanks for sharing it with us.

Deb