Hugging them till they squeak | |
This week, I had to talk to the Horsemen about death. Not that they haven't heard of that, they've been touched more closely than many children their age. This was different. I had to talk to them about children dying, and that's not an easy topic. How do you tell a 9 year old that someone's baby skipped and laughed her way to school and only hours later lay in a pool of blood - hers and her friends' mixed together, one tragic sea? Children who left for school after doing chores didn't come home again in time to feed the chickens, set the table, watch their baby brothers. How do you explain to your own children why you're giving them extra hugs and kisses, even when they're asleep?
#3 isn't old enough to understand how much one extra hug would mean to the mother of a murdered child. Hell, I'm not old enough to understand that. #2 watches at the window during the day every time he hears a noise. He does understand that if one of his younger brothers died, part of him would be gone, too. All of the younger Horsemen have started getting up at 6 a.m. so that they can tell #1 goodbye before he drives off to university. #4 makes him promise to come back home again safely. #2 offers him his hand, the handshake of a boy too old to hug his brother, of a man not yet old enough to give hugs again.
#2 explains to anyone who'll listen that he would have kicked the gun out of the shooter's hand, that he would have made sure that the man was quickly disarmed and subdued. He still needs to feel invincible, like bad things won't ever threaten him, that he'll always keep his family safe from harm, seperating good from evil by sheer strength of mind and body. He's just beginning to understand that sometimes, wanting to protect others simply isn't enough, that sometimes, bad things sneak in around the cracks when you aren't expecting them, that occasionally, life isn't predictable. And he isn't happy about that.
#1 is taking it calmly, he says. Things happen, he tells his brothers, and you just have to trust mama to protect you. And then, before leaving for school, he hugs his mom for much longer than usual, just a little tighter than before the shootings. He already knows how quickly everything can change, how the world can seem normal and then swiftly,turns on its side, skewing everything around you. But, he still tells his brothers that mama can keep things safe for them, that even after the shootings, they can still be children, can play outside without worrying. He knows what I sometimes forget - that even when things get bad, there is always something good happening somewhere, and that in the worst situations, life still happens. I need to go and remind myself of that once more, by giving my children extra hugs.
Last edited by hadassahchana; 10-06-2006 at 12:07 AM.
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When Poe ain't happy, ain't nobody happy.
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