At last! I've discovered that there are some people who live even werider lives than we do. I have proof.
Yesterday, Moody the one-eyed Siamese had a really bad asthma attack, so we wound up sitting in the vet's office waiting for the first available appointment. Moody was too sick to enjoy seeing the chihuahua puppy, although normally I'm sure he would have tried to convince her owner to let him play fetch with the dog. Moody likes toys.
As I was sitting there trying to decide between reading a People mag with Jennifer Aniston on the cover and a fact sheet on heartworm, a man came in carrying a large cardboard box with a few airholes cut into the side. I couldn't see what was inside, but noticed he was carrying it very carefully. Everyone sitting and waiting became even more curious when several bumps came from the box, followed by scratching.
Finally, the box talked. "HELP!!!"
"Help, help! I've fallen and I can't get up!" A parrot was obviously in the box. I just cackled as the parrot repeated his plea for assistance. "HELP!", accompanied by the occasional loud squawk.
A lady asked if he'd mind taking the parrot out of the box. We all wanted to see the parrot, but the man seemed a bit hesitant. I asked if the parrot would try to escape. "No," he said,"it's just that sometimes, he...well, he bothers people." Hmm, that sounded promising. I thought it would be pretty darn neat to see a parrot bothering people. Much more entertaining than reading about heartworms or the heartbroken and suddenly Pitt-less Aniston.
We begged him to take the parrot out. We all said that we wouldn't be bothered by a parrot. "Ok", the man said,"but I did warn you." Yay- I was about to see the parrot with the funny line. "Help, help, I've fallen and I can't get up!" shrieked the parrot.
The man untaped the box, and out popped a little blue head with two curious black eyes. The parrot looked around at his admiring fans, shook his feathers and preened a bit, snapped his beak, and then hopped up onto the edge of the box. "Hello!" he squawked, and bobbed his head up and down. OMG, he was so adorable, we were all in love with him. "Hello!" he said again,"do you want to see what I have in my pants?"
Everyone started laughing, and I thought I was going to hurt something from laughing so hard. A man tugging a reluctant rottweiler came into the office. "Hello! Do you want to see what I have in my pants?" the bird inquired politely. The man said,"Jesus f-ing Christ!" and we all laughed again. Of course, that bird loved his audience, and the more we laughed, the more he said it.
His owner was bright red at this point. His parrot affectionately nibbled his ear and again asked,"Do you want to see what I have in my pants?" The owner sighed and told us that his aunt had owned the bird for a few years, and his cousin had taught the bird his extensive vocabulary. We were lucky, he told us, that the parrot had kept it R-rated. I can only imagine what the bird would have come up with if he'd been able to stay in the waiting room much longer. However, the avian specialist came out to get the bird for his appointment. She told Mike hello, and Mike replied,"Hello! Do you want to see what I have in my pants?"
Life could be just so much worse around here. Thank God cats can't talk!
When Poe ain't happy, ain't nobody happy.
I want to see the bird now! That's hilarious!
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