Portrait of Thomas Edison As A Young Man

[hadassahchana[$]]

Inventing things comes naturally to each of the Horsemen. In fact, many people have told me that the boys are very creative. #2 is good at inventing new recipes: hot dogs with strawberry jam is his newest recipe. #3 created a flyswatter with a whistle attached, so that anyone nearby would hear the whistling sound and get out of the way. The flies seem to be grateful for the warning. #1 has created all sorts of things in the past: a new Superhero (“Fruitbat Man, mama, I want to be Fruitbat Man!” A friend made the black cape with small fake fruit sewn on) , an easier way to cut grass (“Just because no one ever used an axe on grass before does not mean that I can’t do it!”) and pocketless t-shirts (“Well, those are my t-shirts, and these are my scissors, so I don’t know why you are so upset!”).

Therefore, when they saw an advertisement in a magazine recently for a Young Inventor’s contest, they were all elated. Me, only so-so. I know how fertile these young minds are. I fear my children.

All of them set to sketching out their various inventions, writing a brief explanation of what each was and how it would work. #4, however, was having a hard time coming up with an idea, and finally went upstairs in tears. I began making supper.

Shortly, #4 burst into the kitchen, smiling from ear to ear and hopping up and down with excitement. “I did it, mama!” he shouted. “I finally invented something!”

You are all probably shaking your heads, perhaps shouting,”No, Cindy! Run! Run while you still have a chance!”. And you’re also still reading. Sort of like people who gawk at traffic accidents along the freeway – because seeing whatever is there might be horrifying, but it’s also fascinating in a grim sort of way.

Anyway, completely and exuberantly ignoring history (I do tend to repeat it, don’t I?), I forged onward. “What did you invent?” I asked.

“I have invented something that everyone in the whole world wants!” he said proudly.

Yes, I raced across that burning bridge. “What does everyone in the whole world want?”

His look of pride just warmed my heart. It is such a pleasure to watch a child learn, to discover how to use his mind. It’s one of the bonuses of homeschooling- to see a child examine a problem and then solve it on his own.

“The thing I invented that everyone in the whole world will want is just perfect, it is so fun! I think I’ll be famous after everyone hears what I invented.” The child has a great head for self-promotion. “I have invented a vibrator!”

sudden mental intake of breath

I’m inviting all of you to come to my house. I want you to play poker with me. Please. I kept a completely straight face. I did not panic, and I did not ask him where he came up with the idea to make a vibrator. I most certainly did not laugh. That was easy- right at that moment, I did not feel like laughing. I felt like running away from home. By myself.

“So, about this vibrator,” I asked,”can you tell me a little about what it does?”

“Sure!” he said. “It vibrates.”

ohdeargod

“Um, do people really need something which vibrates?” I asked weakly.

“Yes, they do. Everyone would like to own my special vibrator. See, you make a big chair, sort of like yours. Then, you attach a vibrator to it. Then, people will stand in line to buy one! Some people will even buy two! Everyone will want to sit in a chair that has a vibrator attached to it!”

ohdeargod again.

“And why do people need a special chair with a vibrator?” I needed to know this. It seemed really important.

“You know how I tap my foot really fast when I sit down? And how sometimes I tap my whole leg, and everyone gets angry with me when I do it while we’re sitting on the couch watching TV? Well, if I sell chairs with vibrators attached, then everybody will vibrate. Then, people who like to tap their feet will not get bugged by everyone else, because those people who don’t tap will sit in my chairs with vibrators. That way, when they sit on the vibrator cushion thingy in the seat, they will vibrate and won’t feel anyone tapping next to them”.

“A vibrator cushion thingy?”

“Yes, mama. That’s what makes the chair vibrate. What did you think I meant?”

“I thought you meant a vibrator cushion thingy in the seat. That is exactly what I thought you meant.” When in doubt, lie through your teeth. It is a survival mechanism for moms.

After that, I felt a sudden overwhelming urge to go and sit quietly and attend to my nervous tic. In my favourite chair. The one without a vibrator attached. I wish there was a Guinness Fairy who would come into my house and leave a couple of bottles under my pillow.

Anyone want to buy a vibrating chair?

[cristina1]

Excuse me while I attend to cleaning off my brand new laptop that is currently splattered with coffee.

[theworm[$]]

I had to pause midway through reading because Brian reads faster than I, and he was hyperventilating. Cindy - you are amazing!


I have a clear image of all four horsemen sitting in a row of vibrating chairs at the matress store. I suddenly have to wonder why they were all so calm and happy. Must be the lack of leg tapping.

[emeleel]

Do you KNOW how hard it is to laugh quietly without bursting a lung - because the kids are in the room and you do NOT want to read this post out loud?!?!?!

[pippadaisy[$]]

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAA!!!!!!!!

P.S. My friends have a vibrating recliner. While it doesn't induce THAT feeling, it does ROCK.

[mtbat]

there is no smilie that can show how funny this is. OMG you are such a great mom.

[lynnzop[$]]

Little rabbit foo-foo
Sat in a recliner
Tapped his little bunny feet
To his heart's content.

[hadassahchana[$]]

[soxfan[$]]

ROFLMAO! The wife and I are just howling with laughter!

Ailsa
wondering if she should order some Guinness to ship to Cindy

[emeleel]

BTW - got information to share about this contest?

I don't fear my children.

[hadassahchana[$]]

I wish it was a recent magaine, because I really would let the boys enter. It was in an old kid's mag at the dentist, and is about a year out of date.

Maybe we can hold an EA Kids contest?

[pippadaisy[$]]

Oh. Dear. God.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

[amykhar]

The big one has ended. But, there are others:

Dyson

Contests and Competitions for the Young Inventor