I have fur on my tongue. I just spent the past half-hour trying to teach Libby to do a new job. It didn't work.
Libs is a working dog, and in the winter, she gets bored easily. That's bad. Today, she tipped over all of the baskets of clean laundry just to have something to do, and it made me grumpy. In the warm weather, I would take her to a park and put her through her agility commands, but it's too cold and muddy to do that today. So, I came up with the bright idea of giving her a job around the house. After all, border collies also get bored, and most BC owners give their dogs jobs to do, chores around the house, anything to keep that high energy focused. I figured that a regular old collie could learn to do really useful things, too. I decided that it would be a wonderful idea if I could teach Libs to pick up socks instead of tipping the baskets out onto the floor. After all, what mom would not like someone else to come along and tidy up after a herd of children?
I got a cheese stick to use for treats, found a basket, gathered up all of the socks, and we got started. It sounded so easy. I should remember that in my house, nothing is easy. After about ten minutes, I was becoming mildly discouraged when Libby would agree to eat the cheese but would only sit and watch as I picked up yet another sock in my mouth, wiggled my eyebrows at her and mumbled, "Thocks imma bathket, Wibs!". I would then dump the sock into the basket, Libby would wag, and sit up for cheese.
I thought Libs and I were alone, because the boys were supposedly doing math. Once more, I held the sock in my teeth, said,"Wibs, watch, thocks imma bathket!" while Libby waited patiently for the cheese. #4 snuck up on me, and said,"Why are you putting socks in your mouth?"
"I am not putting socks in my mouth," I explained, "I am teaching Libby to do a new job."
"Why are you teaching Libby a job while putting socks in your mouth?" he asked.
Sigh. "I am *not* putting socks in my mouth. I am teaching Libby to pick up socks and place them into this laundry basket. Although, since I have never managed to teach you to do that, I don't know why I'm trying to teach her!"
"She is not putting socks in her mouth. She is waiting for you to put socks in your mouth, and when you do, she knows she is going to get cheese. You did not train her, she trained you. Again."
#4 can be an obnoxious kid. Did I mention this before?
I went back to teaching Libby how to pick up socks. "Wath thith, Wibs, pick uppa thock, dummit ina bathket. Thee how I did thith?" and spat out my sock. She wagged and sat nicely for cheese. Finally, I gave up and decided that she is not a housekeeper, any more than I am. I sat in my chair. Libby looked disappointed, but then she found a sock. She picked it up - I was elated! She brought it over to me, and dropped it in my lap.
She picked it up again, and once again, dropped it in my lap. I started to throw it into the basket, but she yipped and got it back out- and laid it nicely on my lap. I picked it up as she watched warily. I picked it up with my teeth, and she wagged. And sat, waiting. I dropped it into the basket, she wagged happily, and sat again- and waited for the $%#@!! cheese.
I should have remembered that Libby is not a mom, and that she is a diva. Divas do not put socks in their mouths, no matter what, at least not according to Libby. Although they do enjoy watching people pick up socks and place them in baskets with their teeth. But she did *not* train me. I am still the head dog. Really.
When Poe ain't happy, ain't nobody happy.
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