A kiss is just a kiss...

[hadassahchana[$]]

The historians amongst you know by now that #4 is the target most favoured by his brothers, and also the child most likely to give me grey hair. Yesterday the Horsemen added another in the long list of tricks played on him by his brothers.

He came down to the kitchen for a snack after a long game of action figures in his room. As usual, he was all smiles, and gave me a big hug. “Thank you for giving me so many brothers!” he said, giving me another hug.

Uh-oh. “Are they all ok? What have you done with your brothers?” I’m afraid I sounded just a bit anxious.

He looked puzzled. “My brothers are fine, mama. We’ve all been playing upstairs. And,” he said happily,”my brothers taught me something really important!”


As usual, my stomach went plummeting down to visit my ankles. “What did your brothers teach you?” I asked nervously.

“Oh, they taught me something that every man needs to know. They taught me how to French kiss!”


Ah. Every man might need to know how to do this, but somehow, the thought of the older three teaching the baby the ways of the world made me nervous.

“Um, ok then. Can you tell me who you kissed?” I asked. See, I was going to find that person and whack him. And ground him.



“Sure I can tell you. I kissed Dixie!”

I knew it was going to be bad. I had no flippin’ idea it was going to be that bad.

“You French-kissed Dixie? Our collie Dixie?”

“Of course that Dixie, mama. What other Dixie do we know?”

“You kissed Dixie?”

“I French-kissed Dixie. That’s different than regular kissing.”


I didn’t know what to do. I thought about making him gargle with peroxide. I didn’t know whether to call his pediatrician , the vet, or my therapist.

“#4, you kissed Dixie? The dog who not only licks her own self but licks the cats’ butts as well? Dixie the dog whose idea of fine dining includes the garbage can followed by dessert at the litter box??” I was feeling faint. I decided that instead of calling the vet or a doctor, I should call the liquor store and find out if they made housecalls.


“I French-kissed Dixie. I keep telling you that’s different than regular kissing!” He was starting to become frustrated at my obvious lack of understanding.

“#4, can you tell me just exactly how French-kissing is different than regular kissing?” By now, you’re probably thinking,'Ack! We do not need to know this!’. I did need to know, however, so that I could accurately detail the problem to someone else. Preferably someone else who was holding a pitcher of margaritas.

“See, regular kissing, you use your lips. With French kissing, you go like this-" and he reached for Dixie, who’d just happened to wander in hoping to find something good in the garbage.

“Mwa, mwa!” he loudly kissed the air on both sides of her cheeks. Then, in his best Cheese-eating Surrender Monkey accent, he said,”Deek-see! Ma cherie! You are zee mos’ bee-you-tee-fool madamoiselle in zee entire world. Sacre bleu!”

That giant whooshing sound was me letting out my breath again. #4 has explained that he's set for dating now, since he knows how to French kiss. "My brothers told me that ladies really like that, mama. Is that right?"

I need a vacation.

[lynnzop[$]]

O M G

I thought there was another incident where the older three taught #4 something similar (or am I having just another incident of deja vu? )

[cristina1]

I can't find the smilie I want, but OMG was that funny! I think I let my breath out the same time you did!

[pippadaisy[$]]

Great. Now I'm coughing again. And can't stop.

Because of the laughing. If I vomit, it's All Your Fault.

[theworm[$]]

Mai Oui!

[amykhar]

Cindy, I have a trick to teach #4.

It also involves kissing a dog. Does Dixie know how to shake hands yet?

[hadassahchana[$]]

It depends. Who wants to know?


I think that Amy+#4 would be a Scary Thing

[amykhar]

When I was 10, we adopted a miniature sheltie. I taught her how to shake hands. Every time she did it, I would give her a big kiss on the side of her head with appropriate sound effects. Soon, if I kissed her that way, she would offer her paw to shake

(See. I'm harmless )

[hadassahchana[$]]

Oh, that is so cute! I'm going to get #4 to try and teach Dixie a trick. Poor Dixie, she doesn't have too many tricks which don't involve the garbage can.

[MiracleMax]

Raven can shake with either paw, depending on which hand you offer her and give high-fives. For the life of me I can't get her to roll over though. But we're working on it.

She also does "puppy push-ups" - alternating sits and downs. She was the best in her class. Most would only do one or maybe two sets, but Raven can do six or seven before she gets impatient and wants you to make up your mind what you want her to do.

[pippadaisy[$]]

My mom had a Pom who could do all the normal stuff and dance. She would get on her hind legs, do a pirouette,then tiptoe around like she was in the ballet.

[magenta321]

I taught my dog roll-over in one night. I teach my dog like I teach children. I reviewed what he already knew -- "Lay down" -- then I introduced the new term "roll over" -- then I modeled the behavior by showing him how I "lay down" and then "roll over."

Then I asked him to "lay down." Once he had I told him to roll over. When he didn't move I pushed him over. He didn't like it too much.

Then we started again. "Lay down. Roll over" Nada. Then I got a super annoying voice and said "roll over, roll over, roll over." Then I pushed him over. He was annoyed.

Then we tried it again. "Lay down. Roll over. Roll over, roll over, roll over." Then he knew what would come next so he just rolled over. Then I gave him 80 zillion tons of praise.

Now it's difficult to get Frasier to lay down without him automatically doing "roll over" too.

Just like we can't get him to just "sit" most of the time. It's "sit" followed by "gimme your paw," followed by "switch" followed by "switch again" followed by "high-five." He's smart, but, damn him for being so good with patterns It's pretty cool though that from two commands -- sit, and lay down, you can get him to do every single trick he knows

I'm still working on teaching him hide and seek, but, he does it all based on scent and repetition of location. I want him to understand my verbal cues of "warm" and "cold." It's just not working yet. He likes his doggie instincts better than my silly human "warm, waaarmmm... that's it... doh! Wrong way! Cold! Cold! Siberia!!" stuff. I make it too complicated, but, he's so smart that I talk to him like a kid most of the time. He doesn't get out of Siberia until I say easier words like "No, Frasier."

[mjfrombuffalo[$]]

magenta321 said

then I modeled the behavior by showing him how I "lay down" and then "roll over."

Like Cindy and picking up socks in her teeth.

[hadassahchana[$]]

It worked, though. Libs brings me socks every time I sit down.

[magenta321]

mjfrombuffalo said

Like Cindy and picking up socks in her teeth.

Yes, only I'm too germ phobic to pick-up anything in my teeth

But, yes, modelling works with kids, and it works with pets too. Sometimes...

Sometimes it goes the other way though. I growl at my dog if he's mooching when I'm trying to eat. If he doesn't get the hint, I'll show my teeth. If he still doesn't get the hint, I'll do both of those things while pushing him away. Sometimes you just have to talk in their language too

[soxfan[$]]

When the wife and I have kids, and they come in saying they've just learned such and such, we're going to ask for a very detailed explanation.

[pippadaisy[$]]

I believe the other situation similar to this with the Horsemen was the, ahem, blow job.

[mtomm[$]]

That is a classic!

All could kept thinking is when I tell Ginger "No kisses from baby, baby licks her potty."

Gah!

[mtbat]

that is one of the funniest stories I've read yet. I your family Cindy.

[hadassahchana[$]]

mtbat said

that is one of the funniest stories I've read yet. I your family Cindy.

Well, start your own collection, then. Buy one get one 1/2 off. #4 just got caught taking the prize out of a new box of cereal when it wasn't his turn. I think they're going to court-martial him.

[jgibson2[$]]

Tell him Matthew would love to have a little brother.

[pippadaisy[$]]

jgibson2 said

Tell him Matthew would love to have a little brother.

I have two on eBay. No reserve.