There are just some things you never, ever want to hear anyone say. Especially when someone is young. Especially when that young someone is #4.
During Christmas, we all had many nice visits with Helen's daughter and her wonderful family. Her oldest, T., is a smart, sweet little guy, emphasis on smart. And fast. He reminds me of someone.
Anyway, a couple of nights ago, #4 was taking a walk with me, and suddenly said,"You know, sometimes kids should not be allowed to have knives."
I thought this was a really smart observation, and I told him I agreed. See, I thought he'd pretty much given up on owning his own Swiss Army knife with enough attachments to take out the entire Swiss Army. A nice new pocket knife + child with little impulse control = A Very Bad Thing.
"I especially think that kids should not surprise other kids with knives" he continued.
Again, I agreed, I mean, there is no way in hell his older brothers are going to be allowed to surprise this child with the machete of his dreams. My mind is now working overtime on figuring out how to foil a birthday plot which I am obviously being left out of.
"And you know what else I think? I think Helen should not own a shield."
I admit - the thought of Helen carrying a large shield just like the one I used when trick or treating as Brunhilde did make me smile. Ok, it made me almost hrut myself trying not to laugh. I think Helen needs a good shield.
"I think that leaving a shield full of knives for kids to play with is not smart."
Um. That finally caught my entire attention.
"Helen has a shield with knives on top?" I asked.
Even while walking he managed to stomp his foot in annoyance.
"I mean, that wodden shield on her kitchen counter. The ones with all the knives in it!" His eyes really will stick that way. Rolled back is not a good look for him.
"Do you mean her wooden knife block?" I asked, completely puzzled by now.
"Ok, knife block, shield, call it whatever you want. I just think that T. should not be allowed to surprise people with knives from her block. Or shield." Notice how he does not give up?
"When did T. surprise you? And how were you surprised? And btw, when did he surprise you?" Once you get me worked up into full throttle panic , I tend to gain momentum.
"At Helen's Christmas party, T. scared me when he surprised me with a knife. I had to tell him to stop surprising people. It gets on their nerves. And you know what he said then? He said he wanted to get on my nerves! I can't believe that anyone would get on someone else's nerves after being warned!" Irony is wasted on the young.
"So, when T. surprised you with a knife, what exactly happened? And do you have a scar?"
"I was waiting for him to bring me a fun toy. He told me to wait downstairs, so I did. Then, he surprised me. He handed me a knife, and asked to play swordfighting. I told him, Duh! You can't play swordfighting if you don't have swords! Who would use a knife to play swords? Knives are way too short! Besides," he continued, going from put-upon to martyr," he kept the really big one for himself! Like I was going to play swordfighting with the shortest knife! Duh!" and shook his head. He obviously realizes that life is conspiring against him.
After nearly fainting, I asked what happened next.
"Did it occur to you that T., who is only 4, could have hurt himself very badly?" I gasped.
"Of course, I realized that. That's why I made him put it back" said #4, whose patience was by now wearing thin. "I told him to go back upstairs and put the knives back, and to find a better toy. That was just stupid, to try and play swords with knives. If he had broken Helen's favourite knife, he would have gotten in so much trouble!"
Yes, if he had actually managed to break Helen's two-foot long big heavy Henckel chef's knife which is kept sharper than most scalpels, I imagine Heeln would have been upset. In the same way that blood all over the floor would have ticked her off immensely. Helen can be funny like that.
After Helen answered the phone and got me to take a breath before trying again, I managed to piece together most of the story for her. After I managed to get her to take a breath before replying, she decided to put the knife block away before her grandson returns for another visit. After we hung up, I decided to make a mojito.
When Poe ain't happy, ain't nobody happy.
and 
torn between the two....
(that's the name of that knife holder, believe it or not) I laugh every time I see that one!
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