#4 got a unicycle for Christmas, proving that Santa can be a real dumb@ss sometimes. A very popular one, though.
He's been trying to learn to ride the thing, and this cold weather and icy sidewalks are making this more diffiult than it would be normally. However, he's nothing if not resourceful, and he's managed to make a fair amount of progress. He began by clearing a path through the living room - it's amazing just how quickly collies can be convinced to sleep elsewhere if they spy a small child carrying a unicycle. Then, he found my old crutches, put on his helmet, leapt aboard and began the arduous task of learning to remain upright.
He's doing so well at navigating the living room that he's taken his show outside. I say 'show', because I'm sure that whoever drives past and catches a glimpse of a small, very bundled figure perched atop a unicycle and using crutches to prop himself upright will not soon forget that sight. I could barely wait for him to close the door before howling. Right now the collies are standing on the loveseat staring out the front window and wagging whenever he wobbles past. I think they are relieved that their tails don't reach that far and that they are safe for the moment.
#4 told me this morning that he isn't just learning to ride a unicycle because it's fun, although it is. He said that would be wasting his time. He's learning to ride, he said, because he wants to earn money while he's going through university. He also asked if there is a circus in Windsor, and I replied that there is not. He was devastated, and said he'd never be able to make a living with a unicycle if there was no circus. When I pointed out that there are a lot of really skillful unicycle riders and not many circus jobs, he thought for a minute, then said, "I have an even better idea for owning my own business!"
"Your own business? Do you want to sell unicycles?"
"No, that would be silly. Anyone could sell unicycles, and besides, Santa does a good job with getting unicycles to people."
Ok. So, I asked him what sort of business he wanted to own.
"Easy. One which only a unicycle rider could own. I want to be a bartender!" He beamed happily.
This child seems to be master of the non-sequiter. Sort of like when #2 thanked me for making him a penguin costume when he was a child, and then asking, "But where's the sword?". Sigh.
"What does being a bartender have to do with riding a unicycle? And why do you want to own a bar?"
"No, I don't want to own a bar, that's boring. I want to be a unicycling bartender, and that's my business".
After thinking about the lack of circus jobs for his co-hobbyists, he decided that doing flair bartending while riding a unicycle would make him unique (it would) and employable (not sure on that one) and he's even come up with a business plan. I told him that if he actually becomes a juggling, unicycle-riding bartender, he'll have to buy his mother a drink to make up for the nervous tic I'll undoubtedly have developed watching him learn to toss bottles in the air and pour stuff into glasses while riding a bike. He went and added another line to his business plan:
"Make mama's friends pay for their own margaritas!"
When Poe ain't happy, ain't nobody happy.
Smart Kid
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