Why am I here? To debunk illusions about myself.
I was always a skinny kid. I had to get the "slim" pants and the narrow shoes. I took dance lessons, dancing for up to an hour and a half at a time. Controlling my weight was something I never had to worry about.
But then I quit those dance lessons after ninth grade. I replaced them with hanging around the theatre department for hours on end, more often than not having junk food meals of whatever I could scrounge up. Weight started to add up, though it never got out of control. I was up to being a normal sized teenager.
Through college, I didn't worry about my weight, either. And really, there wasn't much to worry about. I gained a grand total of 8 pounds over the four years, which didn't even approach the fabled "freshman fifteen."
Then I graduated from college and started living on my own. I discovered that I hated to cook, and so had many microwave meals, or just sat down with a bag of microwave popcorn. My roommate and I would do the occasional Richard Simmons video, which gave me the illusion that I was losing weight. I wasn't. While my weight didn't grow during those two years, it didn't go down either.
Then last year I moved home for a year. My dad's a diabetic, so my mom's really into nutritious, well-balanced, regularly-scheduled meals. However, she's not too into calorie counting. I would eat a big meal each night, then top it off with dessert and an evening snack. The weight started to add up, and I gained 8 pounds at the worst point.
Last winter, I realized that my weight was getting out of control. I tried to start myself work on losing it, even making a lenten resolution to do my 20-minute exercise tape each night. As happens whenever I go into something full-force, I failed. My efforts didn't do much.
Around the time I moved is when I started hearing about SportBrain. Unfortunately, SportBrain was dying, so I couldn't get one. But then it died for good, and the Health and Fitness forum and the EA Steppers Club were created. I realized that wearing a pedometer was not a big lifestyle change, so it was something I could keep to. I realized that the weekly weigh-ins were something public, which would make me more likely to keep thinking about them. When I would do weigh-ins before, I would just talk myself out of them if I didn't think I would like the numbers. And then I would slip into another downward spiral.
I think, though, that in my head, I was still the skinny little kid. Then at one point I looked at some pictures of myself and realized that even my face was looking fat. The skinny legs that I had always prided myself on were gone. All of my clothes were tight, and I wasn't at all happy with my body.
The creation of the H&F forum and my so-called "rock bottom" coincided nicely. Two months later, I'm eight pounds lighter (usually), addicted to stepping, drinking more water, and overall pretty happy with myself.
What do I ultimately hope for? I'd like to get to the weight that my driver's license says I am, though it was a lie even when I was 16. I'd like to drop a clothing size. I've always been, um, well-endowed, and would
love to drop a size or two there. I think the H&F forum has gotten me on track to do these things. I'm exercising, I'm eating better, I'm getting motivation when I'm unmotivated, and I even get a chance to whine. I feel a lot better about myself than I did two months ago.
Well, I suppose you did ask for long stories.... Sorry.
Cindy
Linear Mode
