Cohabitation and Calorie Consumption

[taurusmoon]

Reading through today's discussion on how living arrangements have affected diet has gotten me thinking that it's probably not an uncommon phenomenon.

How many of you have gained or lost weight due to the people you were living with? Roommates, significant others, parents, children... there's no getting around it. Other people's eating habits often have a profound effect on our own.

I gained a massive amount of weight in the couple of years preceding my reining myself in the past May. I've been with Mr. Right for nearly 3 years. Coincidence? Uh uh.

While Mr. Right might be the perfect man for me as a whole, his eating habits (which are appalling!) were too easy for me to embrace. The end result? Happiness turned into depression because I spent too much of my energy absorbed in self-revulsion to enjoy the bliss I should have been experiencing. I'm in a much better place now and I can go back to basking in the positives. Some day I might even be able to influence Mr. Who Me Diet? to make a change for himself. In the meantime, I'm just continuing to forge ahead on my own redemption.


Throughout my childhood, I was rewarded and comforted by my parents with food. Even as an adult, time spent with them meant time spent with a overloaded plate in front of me. Food became an emotional crutch for me. Rather than eat to survive, I learned to eat to cope. If I was sick, I ate. If I was sad, I ate. Even if I was rejoicing, I learned that it was most appropriate to eat.


And, I would be remiss if I didn't include having a child in the house (a metabolically slim one no less) as a factor in my struggle with weight. He can eat just about anything and maintain a body fat percentage of 11. I can't. I have to have treats available for him, don't I? Maybe. But I can't expect to indulge in them myself and not pay the price.


Breaking the hold someone else's attitudes on food has on you is not easy. But, it's not impossible.

What are your experiences with cohabitants and the food connection? And, how have you been able to break free of negative influences or learn from positive ones?

Sara
Symbiotic Snacker

[quasar]

I don't cohabitate with anyone at the moment, but I do know how large of an effect it can have. When I was about 10 my baby sister who would have been about 4 started going to Montessori. All of a sudden we had bread in the house for sandwiches and we had snack food for sides and all sorts of stuff we'd never had before because Marcy needed to take a lunch with her to school. Lori (my other sister) and I just bought lunch at school so we hadn't had any of that stuff before.

This dreadful occurence coincided with hormonal changes that triggered some of the medical problems that made me balloon up and have for most of my life made it so difficult to lose weight. It was a really nasty combination.

I have some suggestions:

1) Even though it's more expensive, buy in single size packages/groups of single portions. This can really help regulate consumption.

2) If it's someone older, perhaps offer them their own mini storage space. Tell them they can keep snack foods in their desk drawer in their bedroom instead of the kitchen. I don't know if that would prevent everyone from raiding but it probably would help a lot of people

Janice

I'd say that my variations in weight here were not due to living with my wife for the past two years or so, but having to eat massive lunches every day and getting no walking or workout time in with my job because of the supervisor/moron I was working under for the last year and a half. Everything was food and meals, and I lost control of it.

I have control now and despite last night's minor setback in the form of pub pizzaa and guiness, hey, it's my treat to myself. Once the rain stops, I'll walk for a while longer. Besides, all my Dennis Miller rants got used up and it's time to reload the player.

SNOOGANS!

[AmyLEnsor]

Both my husband and I gained weight living with each other. We had both lost some weight before meeting, then while dating we ate out a lot. Before I met him I thought I hated steak. I found out that it is only well done, poor quality steak I dislike. Going out to restaurants and getting good steaks medium or even medium well was a whole different story. Plus my husband taught me his axiom which is There is Always Room for Dessert. And he hates to share dessert, so if we get it, we have to get two. I hate to waste food, so...

I bought my treadmill in March of 1998 and just through exercising noticed that I was losing weight. Then I got pregnant and continued walking. After the baby came, however, I was a lot more inactive. I did change to more of a whole foods, vegetarian diet, thinking that a complete change in my approach to food was needed. I really want to cut out the junk. Not eat it in moderation, but get to where I just don't want to eat it anymore period. I don't believe there is anything like moderation when it comes to me and junk food.

My husband has been low-carbing it for long periods of time, but not really losing any weight. He is currently on the Atkins diet and eats almost no carbs (other than what are in cheese, which he doesn't eat much of). He isn't drinking diet sodas, and he still isn't losing weight. He even stopped eating dinner thinking he was eating too much food, but very little loss. And he is definitely in ketosis, judging from his breath! I told him that his metabolism is probably all out of whack now, and he should not skip dinner.

Anyway, before he was dieting, he would eat a lot of fast food and bring some home for our daughter. Even now that he is dieting he will still do it. I end up eating the food she doesn't eat even though I am trying not to eat fast food. For awhile he would always buy extra fries even if I told him not to; but after I said I didn't want any and then ate a few of his, he instituted that practice. He figures better too many than too few. But he doesn't eat that many fries and is content to throw them away, whereas I will eat them if they are there. In any event, none of us need to eat french fries! Not only are they a high glycemic index food, they have a lot of trans fatty acids! Knowing I should eat better doesn't seem to be enough, however. It is a real commitment!

[pluckyduck]

I gain weight when I am happy with a man. True for DH #1 (married him 9 months after I met him, was 25 lbs heavier on my wedding day than the day we met) and true for DH #2.

I think this is because I am attracted to men who like to eat, drink and be merry.

Party on, Duck!

Then I get miserable because I'm "fat"....

Andrea
Psycho Duck

[murasaki]

It's not uncommon for people in a secure, and usually happy, relationship to start eating more. (Men do it too.)

I've noticed that if I don't pay attention, I eat more junk food when George is around (he doesn't eat very healthily) and larger portions unless I scale back. I make a conscious effort now to not split food in half but more 1/3 for me, 2/3 for him. When I'm by myself I do the same kind of thing by putting food away as leftovers at the same time I dish out what I plan to eat.

Where my plan fails, is when we eat out. I still have that "I paid for it/Must clean my plate" compulsion that's hard to shake. I try to leave half of my food to take home, otherwise, I end up eating more food than George.

--naomi

[jenninca]

Jon (the closest thing I have to a cohabitor right now, the boyfriend who lives 250 steps away) is big on eating healthy. Unfortunately, he's also big on eating big. This makes sense for him. He's 6 foot 5. I'm a whole foot shorter. I'm trying to get the point across to him that I do not need a meat AND a bread AND a vegetable AND a fruit at every meal. However, I told him that he would have to be convincing to get me to eat better than I was, so he's really trying.

We do work out pretty well on portions, though. Sounds kind of like Naomi--he eats 2/3, I eat 1/3. If I can keep that up, I ought to be fine.

Cindy

[mtomm[$]]

My big downfalls with living with others seems to be: eating off my children's plates. Also, my husband insists we go out to dinner on Friday and Saturday nights! I think eating out has made me the fattest.

Also, my husband is way into "clean your plate" but I have been asking him lately is it different to throw it in the garbage or poop it in the toilet? He can't really give me a good answer!

Visiting my mother is a nightmare because she always has junk food out on her counter and all of the kinds of candy I like. Chocolate covered peanuts and chocolate covered cinnamon bears, YUM. It really makes it hard to visit her and not feel guilty. But when I am there I have very little self control. BTW we live very close.

I do think who you live with and their eating habits have a HUGE influence.

[Redlass]

Oh definitely! Rick and I gain and lose weight in tandem. Well, OK, he didn't gain nearly as much as I did when I got pregnant, but that has been the only exception.

We were both pretty scrawny when we first met. The dress I wore when we went to homecoming in high school was a size 4. I'm now a size 22-24. For wrestling, he weighed in at 125-130, he's, um, more than that now.

Part of the problem is we tend to make fat jokes about ourselves and have way too much fun with it. Perhaps if we could manage to be a little less happy about our weight...

[Joubert[$]]

I think that Sara is right and folks who fall into a comfortable relationship can stop watching what they eat. There's also a tendency early in the relationship to splurge.

Kalynda always knows when a friend is having marital problems. They start losing weight on what she calls The Great American Heartbreak Diet. That really accelerates if they split.

Having kids and junk food around is hard too. As I recall, I was about 15 pounds heavier at my wedding then when we started dating and tossed on another 30 over the ensuing decade or so.