Time is on my side?

[jenninca]

The thing I'm seeing over and over again is that lack of time and too much to do are factors in everyone's life.

Why is that? (This is something I've been wondering about lately.)

How did the general population get so overscheduled?

What can we do to fight back at it?

I suppose it's all about making priorities. My life has been a lot happier ever since I decided (about halfway through my second year of teaching) that after I come home from school, I'm on my time. Except for weekends and occasionally during the week, school stuff does not get done at home. If that means I have to stay until 6:00, then I stay until 6:00 (like I did yesterday). But I need the psychological separation--I want to forget about work-related stress when I get home. That's easier on some days than on others, but I'm trying.

Right now, my top home priority is spending time with my boyfriend, now that we're finally in the same city after doing the long-distance thing for three years. Other priorities include keeping on top of my kitchen, laundry, and bills, getting out for walks, and keeping up here (because I get so much out of it). Keeping the living room and bedroom picked up isn't a priority right now, so I try not to get stressed out about it. I'm out of time to make reading a priority, so I'm reading a couple of chapters a day rather than about a book a day. I don't like that (I've got more than 200 to read!), but that's how things are falling and I'll have to deal with it.

- - - - - - - - -

What did I do yesterday to get rid of a roadblock? It has nothing to do with walking. I stayed at school until 6:00 doing all kinds of organizational stuff that I'd been putting off. It had been eating away at me, especially since conference night is tomorrow. Much of what I was organizing has to do with my own system for dealing with all the paper shuffling that goes on, so it wouldn't really be apparent to anyone else that I was feeling disorganized, but I feel so much better that I've gotten some long-awaited things done.

I'm also feeling a little better because I went to a class on Monday. I got 2 hours of inservice credit, which brings my total to a whopping 4 hours out of the 60 I need this year, but even that little bit of time relieved some stress on me. Since I'm feeling better about those two things, I'm much more likely to move on and get some other put-off things done, and to feel less guilty about what I'm leaving behind when I go out on walks.

I'd better shut up now.

Cindy
who realizes that all her content feeling will vanish when she gets to school and realizes that after school today she must prepare for more than a dozen conferences in a row that happen tomorrow night

[pluckyduck]

I think time and Cindy's questions deserve their own thread... so I split this off from Tuesday's thread. There are other time related posts in Tuesday's thread and in Wednesday's Whiner thread....but this is more than a one day issue.

Let's explore.

Andrea

[jenninca]

Boy, you're quick!

[pluckyduck]

Originally posted by jenninca
Boy, you're quick!

It's all a matter of managing your time properly.

Andrea

[murasaki]

Under normal circumstances, when my job is 8-5 (or 6-5 as it were), I leave work at work. I will stay late or come in early as necessary, but I don't bring work home and I certainly don't use my personal resources because the offices where I work don't have the latest technology (another issue entirely, but I digress).

Now, as a student, I do most of my work at home. I don't study well in libraries because the UMass library is very populated and I'm a bit of a people watcher. Also, at home I can jump right online if I need to look something up (even order a book from another library in the five-college-system); if I stay at school, I may have to wait in line. I also prefer to type my notes, especially of books that I can't mark in, rather than write them out because it's less time-consuming for me to type and much easier to read and organize later. So short of hauling my laptop around with me, it's better for me to study at home.

The problems arise in the way that my days become fragmented. I get up at 5:30, take about half an hour to wash my face, do my push-ups, stretches, eat breakfast and generally wake up. I then hit the books. Once I get to a stopping point, I go for a run (MWF). When I get back I shower and get ready for class (if I have one that day). All of my classes start at different time and I go in to campus at least four days a week.

My weekends are less fragmented, when my husband doesn't come to see me. When he's around I have more worries about fixing meals, going to movies with him or going out.

I'm pretty good at managing my time when I only have a few minutes: I can easily throw my household chores into those gaps. Although I don't need huge blocks of time to study, I do like to have uninterrupted blocks of time.

Lately, I've been interrupted by having to make business phone calls during the day (can't study and be on hold at the same time so I'm usually doing something else around the house). Or, I'm interrupted by friends calling me in the middle of the day because they know I'm home. I think I need to start screening my calls and returning calls in the evenings when I'm less productive studywise.

I also don't think I have clearly communicated to my husband that he needs to be more self-sufficient when he's here (I don't have cable or any TV reception so he does have that to retreat to).

Any other ideas for me?

--naomi

[magenta321]

I suggest you let hubby handle dinner once in a while so you can get some studying in. So, I am sure if you told him that on the weekends, he is responcible to feed the two of you, he shouldn't have a problem. If he is like my dad or anyone I've dated seriously, he will have a huge problem with it, but once you explain how selfish, mysogenystic, and cruel it is to make you stop studying to feed him, it will probably get through his head

[murasaki]

My husband's idea of cooking is throwing a frozen pizza in the microwave.

He's not really a neanderthal, he's just not a good cook. And I'm pretty good, or at least I know what I'm doing. I've got him up to the level of following the directions on rice-a-roni boxes but he still manages to screw something up every single time. He starts calling for help and I spend more time unscrewing whatever he did than if I'd just done it myself. We do eat out one meal on the weekends and I've been manuevering lately to make sure it's a dinner (for lunch and breakfast I tell him to fend for himself--he can do sandwiches and cereal).

The interruptions for meals wouldn't be that bad but they're usually followed by him wanting to go do something. I like to spend time with him, but I'm so torn when I know I should be studying.

--naomi

[pluckyduck]

I like to spend time with him, but I'm so torn when I know I should be studying.

Oh, Naomi, I know what you mean.

First of all, SOs & DHs belong on our "to do list". Don't let them know that they are on any kind of list, or you will be in big trouble.

Men need care and feeding and, speaking from my own experience, when that starts to get shoved to the bottom of the priorities, problems fester.

My own DH is very independent. You'd have to torture him to get him to admit he "needs" me.....just see him POUT when I forget the TLC. We spent an entire year recently with seething resentments just under the surface, and I finally "solved" the problem with regular back rubs.

Okay, a bit more repair work than back rubs was required, but back rubs were the key.

They're time effective (just 20 minutes) and are like putting gas in our relationship tank. My remembering to give him a back rub without being asked is extra points, but *dropping what I am doing* when he asks (especially if I'm online) is worth quite a few points, too.

Of course, everybody is different. I'm just lucky to have discovered something that doesn't take much time that is worth a lot.


Andrea

[jenninca]

I'm feeling luckier and luckier about the boyfriend I've got. He is wonderful. If I'm stressed out from school, he'll make dinner. I don't even have to ask. He comes over and just starts doing my dishes. When he comes over to watch TV on the weekend (his TV is stuck on PBS!) and I'm sitting grading papers, he starts feeling guilty and starts grading papers with me. He even took off of work yesterday to come here when my couch was being delivered.

He also has no problems with me being online a bunch. Heck, I told him that I was losing interest in Epinions and he tried to convince me to go back because I "provide such good information for people!!!"

I feel really blessed and lucky.

Cindy

[pluckyduck]

Hey Cindy! That used to describe Don, too!

Seriously, everybody is different, so I'm not trying to draw comparisions, but I screwed up when I started to take behavior like you describe for granted.

I took all of the "I'll help you and I don't need anything for myself you go do what you need to do" messages literally .... made for a real tangled mess when it finally had to be unraveled. Turns out he didn't need much, but he did need something, and he needed it on a regular basis. It would have helped if he could have actually realized this himself and been able to verbalize it but being a man he has no ability to recognize anything he is feeling or thinking.

My first husband (may he rest in peace ) , was such a needy person, he was like an emotional vampire (may he rest in peace ). I was so used to other persons needs = complete and total suck of my time, it took me quite a while to figure out that I could take care of DH and not have to give up everything else.

None of this, of course, includes any practical suggestions for Naomi, just encouragement that there may be a way to make DH feel not neglected and still have the time needed to study, etc.

Just don't expect the guy to cough up the idea.

Andrea

[jenninca]

eek!

[AmyLEnsor]

John and I have an interesting relationship. Other than the fact he is a little antisocial, he was perfect. My mother warned me that one day it would get old because I'd get tired of going every where by myself. At that point in time, I was still living near my friends and family and had other people to do stuff with. John liked that because it meant he didn't feel the need to do as much outside the house if he wasn't in the mood.

He was 34, almost 35 when we got married, and in his other relationship they had always done their own thing when it came to cooking, cleaning and finances. So that is kind of what we do. He and I eat completely different things and he could never cook what I would eat, and I can cook a few things he would eat but he won't let me. Everytime I suggest it, he is against it. First, because then that would mean he would have to commit to eating a specific food for dinner, and he can't decide what he wants until he is hungry, so he just stops at the store and gets something for himself. Also, he tells me it is too much work and he doesn't want me slaving away for him. Sometimes it is a simple matter like making scrambled eggs and I have to go round and round until I get the "Yes, if you really don't mind making them, I'd like them." It was the same way with the laundry, but he just came in while I was typing this to ask if I had time to do his laundry. If not, he would do it when he came home but could I remind him.

I used to think it was nice that he was so considerate, but recently I've started to think that his unwillingness to put me out in any manner is due to the fact that he wants me to treat him similarly when it comes to child wrangling.