Advice on a Toddler Discipline Issue

[theeye]

Two year olds. Discipline.

(Ok, everyone take a few minutes for a good laugh. Done? Ok.)

For the most part, I think my husband and I are stumbling along in this area with at least adequate success. We do the time-out thing and the Poopster definitely understands it.

We're probably on the more lenient end of the spectrum, but I'm reasonably comfortable with how we handle things for the most part.

But there's one area that has me absolutely stumped. And rather freaked out, in fact.

We've made it clear to our son that hitting is not allowed. He may not hit adults and he may not hit children. Hitting is definitely a time-out-able offense and, while he does occasionally strike out physically (what toddler doesn't?), he understands that it's not allowed and that it won't be tolerated.

Recently, when he's been tempted to hit and is stopped by a severe look and a warning from one of us, he's taken to hitting himself instead. With a viciously angry look in his eyes, he'll slap his own arm or leg repeatedly.

And I just don't know how to react. When he hits (or threatens to hit) someone else, I respond swiftly and decisively and he knows that it won't be tolerated.

But when he hits himself, I'm stymied. Yelling at him that he may not hit himself just seems a bit odd. I'm torn between wanting to discipline him and wanting to hug him. And I'm just appalled. And he clearly sees my indecision.

So I have two questions.

First: Is this normal behavior for a two year old? (Every time he does it, part of me flashes to an image of him cutting himself and I'm just horrified.)

Second: How do you respond to this sort of thing?

What I try to do is simply pick him up and put him in his time out chair and sit with him calmly asking him if he's ready to stop being angry yet.

But this is always preceded by a long moment of paralyzed indecision and horror on my part. I can never quite decide if I should tell him not to hit himself or if I should just ignore it.

Any thoughts?

[conradd]

It sounds like you've done an excellent job of setting boundaries and that he's learned to respect them. If this were my two-year old, I'd simply reiterate that "in this family, we do not hit people" and leave it at that. If he needs to release aggression, perhaps you could give him a pillow to hit. He sounds perfectly normal to me.

Deb
who punches bread dough

[cristina1]

I went through this with Zachary. I finally figured out that he was using this as an attention grabber. Once I started ignoring it, he stopped.

I didnt truly ignore him, though. I would acknowledge his actions with a quick comment: "I understand you are angry, but this isnt how you express that anger. Let me know when you are done." Then I would leave the room. He would follow me within minutes, wiping the tears away.

Does Poopster do it just in your home? Does he act this way out in public? Zachary used to do it at home only and not when others were present. I think if he had done it outside the home, I would just scoop him up and leave, though.

[cristina1]

I just read Deb's response, and liked it. LOL That is usually how I handle hitting others.

[amykhar]

Katie did it for a while, but outgrew it. However, maybe you could get the poopster something that he CAN hit when he's angry? One of those punching clown things for example?

Amy

[jnbmoore]

Deb beat me here....

when monkey was that age she did the same thing. We went to Kaybee toys and got her a punching bag - had a lion on it.

She was allowed to hit, kick, throw, beat that.

and she could also hit a pillow in her bed as much as she wanted

GOOD LUCK

[theeye]

Interesting.

I actually don't think he's ever done it away from home. That hadn't occured to me before.

So it sounds normal, then? I shouldn't worry that this is a precursor to even more self-destructive behavior?

[amykhar]

Eye, if Poopster were showing signs of developmental delays or was really out of control I would talk to my doctor. However, the kid sounds like he's well adjusted (or as well adjusted as he can be as the only child of doting parents ). Therefore, I wouldn't worry just yet.

Amy

[mjfrombuffalo[$]]

It's normal. The frustration and anger builds up, and a 2-year-old can't verbalize it or handle it as well as an older child. And if you're told you can't hit others, sometimes you improvise a way to get the frustration out physically.

I'd recommend letting him know he can't hit anyone, including himself, send him to his room and invite him to punch his pillow.

mj

[CurtisEdmonds]

I will here tell a story I got from my sister about my nephew, who was sent to time out for throwing a block at another student at his day care.

"But Mommy," he said, "he just didn't put his hands up to catch it!"

[bonniesayers]

I store up the bubble wrappings from boxes I get delivered and then have a good time popping the bubbles. When my neighbor drives me nuts I do it with the window open near her door so that the noise will drive her nuts.

On another note todays Oprah was all about spanking and stuff but the news afterwards here in Los Angeles had a segment about this video that I am going to purchase.

The clip showed this little girl at the tv screen touching it because the video shows water. It plays classical music and has vibrant colors to calm kids. I think it would work great for kids and when you order the video for $14.95 you get the audio as well.

These sister in laws here in CA made the tape because one of them has two kids and the other triplets and they showed friends and then had it made.

Great website, I love the music and played it for awhile before hitting enter to the site.

works for me!

http://www.calmbaby.tv

I was even thinking of having the video added to EP database in the movies section!

Bonnie

[bonniesayers]

One other thing that helps calm kids down for bedtime and helps them sleep better is an epson salt bath. Works great for my son.

I have heard of many parents on my autism lists that give their kids melatonin, although I have not tried that.

Bonnie