An Interesting Article About Gifted Kids

**amykhar** · #1 02-20-2007, 10:19 AM

I just stumbled into this article: http://nymag.com/news/features/27840/index.html

Lately, we've been having a lot of problems with one of our kids (who shall remain nameless). And, I know I have my own issues with learning subjects or concepts that don't come easily. I am a very fast learner - always have been. But, there are subjects such as advanced physics or statistics that I don't get. I even feel physical symptoms of discomfort when something isn't 'clicking' in my brain.

To some extent, I blame the public school system because it doesn't challenge gifted kids from the beginning. Everything is so easy for them for so long that they never really get the training in putting effort into learning.

But, let's face it, we're not going to change the school system. And, I'm not certain how many parents can effectively challenge their kids academically on a daily basis. Homeschooling isn't always practical if both parents have to work. So, what are some other options to truly challenge gifted kids and keep them from losing the ability to stretch themselves.

The article centers on the messages people give kids and suggests praising kids for their efforts more than their natural intelligence. And, I suspect that may have some impact. But, again, you can't always control the messages your kids get from the outside world. Furthermore, your kid isn't an idiot and KNOWS when he didn't have to put any effort into the schoolwork. If he knows he did no work, how can it help to praise the 'effort'?

**hadassahchana**[$] · #2 02-20-2007, 01:19 PM

Wow, that is an interesting article. It really confirms something I do with the boys - praising them for trying, praising them a lot for working hard and succeeding at something - but I do have a question. Do any of you guys praise just for being smart? It sounds sort of awkward to me, to consistantly tell a child,"You are smart". I really like telling them about how work on a specific project has impressed me.

I do praise the boys a lot. When they have really worked hard, or have tried something new which they had previously resisted, I make sure to praise both effort and accomplishment. However, I'm also fairly quick to point out how lack of effort results in doing poor work. For the teachers on the board, how do you handle praise?

(and can I just roll my eyes again about the whole self-esteem thing? I want them to feel good if they work hard and succeed, but I want them to see the problem if they don't work hard enough. Self-esteem is earned).

**mjfrombuffalo**[$] · #3 02-20-2007, 01:27 PM

I don't know that adults praise kids for being smart *directly* but it comes through anyway. If I got an A and didn't do any work to get the A, I was still praised for having good grades, so indirectly I was being praised for being smart and lazy and catching on quick. This all didn't work out so well when I hit Jr. High.

**hadassahchana**[$] · #4 02-20-2007, 03:00 PM

Oh, I see. I think that homeschooling gives me an advantage in that I can watch everything they do. So, when #4 started flying through his math without having to work on it, he graduated into a different grade. Much to his dismay.

I don't think that praising for good grades is necessarily a bad thing, though. Doesn't it let your kid know that you expect a certain level of achievement?

**mjfrombuffalo**[$] · #5 02-20-2007, 03:08 PM

Sure. But it makes it harder when the grades start to slip and you don't know how to study, never developed the homework habit, etc., because suddenly you're not good at something you used to be good at, and if someone doesn't show you how to dig out, suddenly you feel good for nothing. Um, er... or so I've heard...

**amykhar** · #6 02-20-2007, 03:28 PM

I honestly can't view praise as the true problem. If the kid is challenged and meets the challenge, they learn that they can succeed - innate intelligence or no. No challenge, no practice at working over their head.

If the work is too easy, you can't make a kid study. They feel it's a waste of time, and I would tend to agree with them. The goal is to learn how to learn. Young kids love to learn new things, and if you satisfy that love, they'll master learning skills that they'll need when they're older. If you consistently shut them down by not answering their questions or by boring them to tears, I think you'll do much more damage than you would by telling them they're smart.

But, raising kids for things that genetics gave them is a bit goofy anyway. Praising a child for their beauty is just as bad as praising them for being smart. Praising their actions makes sense. It helps train kids to do right things again. Praising their innate assets doesn't really train them for anything at all.

**thinkerlady**[$] · #7 02-20-2007, 07:37 PM

I saw this presentation last week on Good Morning America, on either the snow day or the delayed opening. I was very intrigued by it. As a teacher, we see the results of the "praise" all the time, and kids don't acknowledge their efforts. Truly it is through their efforts that they succeed, even the "gifted" ones.

I particularly read this and could assign names to kids whose parents had over praised intellect, and not acknowledged effort. The article mentions that even a gifted child must "learn" new things. They become afraid to take a risk, if they fear they might fail. Instead of reinforcing intellect, we should reinforce effort, giving them stronger control over their learning. It makes perfect sense.

An exceptional article.

**amykhar** · #8 02-20-2007, 07:57 PM

I remember when Sarah was in first grade. She was in second grade for part of the day, and some of the concepts were difficult for her and she was very distressed by her bad grades on those things. I remember sitting her down on my lap and showing her the body of her work - 97% of the tests were perfect and the others were F's. She remembered only the F's. Once I showed her not only that the A's outnumbered the F's but also that after she learned a skill the F's jumped to A's, she relaxed.

Unfortunately, we moved to a different school district that was far ahead of the old one, and Sarah just shut down. She feared failure so much that she never really tried after that.

**thinkerlady**[$] · #9 02-20-2007, 09:22 PM

Marissa was tested in 4th grade and qualified for the gifted program. We moved down here, and there was no "gifted" program. All through high school she was in honors level course. She worked, but not that hard. She got good grades, but didn't really bust her ass. She graduated high school with a 4.0. When she got to college, and the competition changed, she bottomed out the first semester. She relied on her ability to do well all through high school, but college forced her to get down to grits and work. Her first semester was hard, really hard. But she turned it around on her own.
Ted and I never really pushed the "academically talented" crap with our kids. They were and we knew it. I remember always asking them if their grades were the "best that they could do". Marissa always told me no, and her grades were spectacular. But she knew she didn't have to work very hard.
I remember picking her up for a weekend her first semester and she was really upset. It was midterm and she was getting a C in an English course. After she cried her way through telling me, she said "and Mom, don't ask me that question, because the answer is NO". I laughed. I told her to fix it by the end of the term. She wound up with an A in the course, but she learned to bust her ass.
Teddy is the same, but he still has partying on his mind.

cristina1 · #10 02-20-2007, 10:22 PM

Zachary recently received a bad grade on a math test. He was afraid to tell me about it, but finally I urged him to do so. I explained that everyone is entitled to get a bad grade, and it just means he needs to work harder. Hopefully, he will take that lesson to heart. He not only gets upset if he gets a bad grade, but he wants the top grade in the class. He puts forth zero effort. It makes me crazy.

**amykhar** · #11 02-21-2007, 10:13 AM

Perfectionists will frequently refuse to try rather than to try and fail. I've found that breaking down things into smaller steps for kids (and me) tends to help. Succeeding on smaller milestones helps overcome the inertia that perfectionism can cause.

**drmomentum**[$] · #12 02-22-2007, 09:54 AM

Thumbs up on that article. I think it's spot on about praise for hard work vs. innate factors.

Not that you should never say good things to a child about being smart or pretty or handsome or talented at something. Just don't overdo it.

I try to think before I praise. Maybe that sounds silly, but what you say to kids matters. Why not put some thought into it? I used to just do it reflexively (thoughtlessly). Now I try to think "how can I make my praise, thoughtful, meaningful, heartfelt and useful?"

"Wow - nice drawing" -- weak.
"Wow - I like the colors you chose. All the balloons are smiling -- they must be very happy."

And, you know, a little praise, followed by something more engaging is a lot more rewarding. Because rote praise seems dismissive. "Yeah, kid, you did good. Now go away."

Anyhow, that's my take. I'm not surprised to see the results in the article. Maggie and I saw huge swings in behavior based on minor praise in the kindergarten classes when we helped out. I've seen firsthand how praise in some cases can kill creativity. I'm not kidding. Especially when kids overhear you praising another kid. I've seen kids abandon their own ideas to try to conform to what they thought a praising adult wanted to see.

-JP

cristina1 · #13 02-22-2007, 10:54 AM

I help out in the kindergarten class as well, and I agree with you, JP. Kids will draw what they think the adults want to see. We encourage kids to do better with our praise as well. "I really like the way you detailed your drawing! The trees are so vibrant and the people look like they are having fun. Will you write a sentence that describes what we are seeing?"

The kids feel good, and the next time they will add even more details to their pictures. The other day my little guy asked me to draw a dog for him. I did, and he exclaimed, "Mom! The dog is just floating in mid-air! I need to add details to this picture so he has grass to run on!"