Our cupboard was bare

[drmomentum[$]]

I found this article very interesting:

"I had a master's degree. I had a job. But to feed my three children, I had to swallow my pride and go to a soup kitchen."

Pinched: The day I took my family to a soup kitchen | Salon Life

[mjfrombuffalo[$]]

Awesome article.

[pluckyduck]

Wow. Thanks for sharing that.

[hadassahchana[$]]

That is amazing, I'm sitting here in tears. I'm going to blog about that today- thanks for sharing it, JP.

[mtomm[$]]

I love reading the comments.

[amykhar]

It hit pretty close to home from a couple of years ago. This economy is even tougher now. I don't know how we would have made it if I hadn't changed jobs.

[drmomentum[$]]

Yeah, I found it pretty moving. Puttign the economy aside for a moment, there are a lot of emotions in parenting they never tell you about, aren't there?

[mtomm[$]]

drmomentum said

Yeah, I found it pretty moving. Putting the economy aside for a moment, there are a lot of emotions in parenting they never tell you about, aren't there?

I don't think anyone can describe parenting or the emotions involved let alone tell you about them beforehand. You don't "get" it until you do it. And I don't think anyone mentioned guilt to me. Mother/guilt don't really belong together and yet there they are. I guess father's would would have the same.

Some of the comments have been pretty cruel. I really find the term breeder to be offensive. I'm not a breeder, I'm a parent and it is a pretty damned important job.

[lynnzop[$]]

Powerful article. Thanks JP.

[Magick1]

Very touching. Thanks for sharing it.

[Helen_B[$]]

Great article, and it explained something to me. A child from a very poor family told me that they couldn't get food from a food bank, because his mother told him they had all been closed by the goverment. It was so humiliating to think about going to a food bank that his mom lied about it.

[wivabef]

I think I need to write that woman and tell her how proud I am of her.

It is sad that people have to feel humiliated to go to a food bank or a soup kitchen. I work at a food bank and whenever single mom or dads come through (plenty come in the summer), I feel a special affinity for them. I try to engage them in conversation, and, and I bring kid friendly food whenever I can and take it out for them (things like scooby doo fruit snacks and pop tarts). I know they are not the healthiest foods, and a food bank so often has such highly processed food, so I also try to stop by the grocery store and see what's on sale for fresh fruit or vegetables.

Sometimes the kids come with the mom and dad (yes, there are dads) to the food bank and I have a special stash of those fruit ice pops by Dole. Summer is the hardest times for these moms without school... not only for the fact that they have to find someone to care for their kids, but also because they have to provide a meal that they can usually get very inexpensively at school.

Two years ago, my daughters' school secretary came into the food bank and was taken aback when she saw me. I was a bit taken aback when I saw her, too. I was glad when she said, "this is awkward" because it opened a conversation. We talked about how so many people are so close to being on the street and how scary it is. I told her that if my husband and I ever broke up, I couldn't even imagine how I would make ends meet.

I handed the grocery bags to her kids and told them they could take one item from each shelf. Our pantry is set up with types of food on shelves... four different types of veggies, three types of soup, a fruit juice shelf, potato shelf, rice shelf, canned pasta shelf, canned protein shelf, pasta "meal maker" shelf, mac and cheese, pancakes, cereal, pasta sauce and syrup. We also have the miscellaneaous shelf for all those weird things people donate, like water chesnuts and bread crumbs and barbecue sauce. And a baby and toddler food shelf.

We also have a freezer with meats.

Like many church pantries, everything in it is donated by church members and members of the community. We don't ask questions: We figure if you're there, you need to be there. Nobody goes to a food pantry to "rip them off."

We are open every Saturday. The only rule is one item per shelf, one item from the freezer. This way, people can stay anonymous. On the other side, there is a library with all kinds of books to read.. not just spiritual and biblical, but kids books and what not. We encourage people to borrow a book, just bring it back when you come back. We want people to see that we are a warm, inviting place.

There is a man who is in charge of the food pantry who is a bit of a drill sergeant, and often gets distracted by people who try to take more than one item off a shelf. Then, he begins to set rules. The workers revolt, saying that if someone is going to rip off a place called "Our Lord's Bounty" then the ultimate judge of their character will take care of things. Karma, baby.

My feeling is that for whatever reason, this person feels they need that extra jar of peanut butter. When I see someone take two, I usually gently say, "I'm sorry, I don't think you are aware, but you already have one." If they don't put it back, then I let it go. Who am I to judge?

He gets mad sometimes when people come in Caddy Escalades and Ford Expeditions. I remind him about our divorced moms who try to make ends meet. Perhaps that's what they got out of the settlement. Or, perhaps a person recently lost a job... what are they supposed to do, sell the car for food? They certainly aren't going to try to renegotiate for a "cheaper, humble car." When you need to come to a food pantry, the last thing you're going to do is open yourself to a credit check to trade in a car, experience depreciation, to get a used, less reliable car.

When he worries we won't have enough for everyone, I tell him that this is Our Lord's Bounty, so let God figure that out. Like the five loaves and two fish that fed thousands, we have never run out of food. Not in the six years I have been there. We have never had to close. We came close two saturdays ago... there was nothing in the freezer and the shelves were getting low... but there was still some food. And, I had heard of new services in the area and was able to share that with those who came in.

In all the places I have lived, there are always those who are better off who are able to share their bounty with those who aren't. I don't see how asking for government assistance is any less humiliating than going to a church pantry. In fact, we never turn people away. The government does.

Additionally, we get no money from the government. There is an incredible network of churches and civic groups in the area who feed the hungry and house the homeless who also don't get any money from the government. To do so requires paperwork and accountability... we don't want people to not come because they can't "explain" their situation.

We do not try to convert people. I am always flummoxed by people who think there is some alterior motive to offer this help. We are humans who love humans. Whether its the Rotary Club or the Lions or the VFW or the Girl Scouts or Arundel House of Hope... there are a bounty of people willing to help who do a far better job of doing it without involving the government.

I am proud of this mother who knew enough to go find the bounty of services that are available to her. People want to help, and they don't do it to make them feel good about themselves.. though it's a nice feeling to know that someone really appreciates that $2.50 jar of peanut butter. They do it because we are one world. And we are one family. Why is that so suspicious to some people?

It is because of that suspicion that people hesitate to seek help... what do they want from me? Why are they giving me food for nothing? Why do they want to help? WHAT DO THEY WANT FROM ME?

When they figure that out, they pay it back. They return to the food pantry a year later with a bag of groceries and a thank you. They take a dollar out of their pocket and put it in my hand and say "this is all I could afford to use at a grocery store, give it to the church."

I am proud of that mother. I have other great connections for her. HOPE Inc. that gets furniture for people. Inexpensive summer day camps at churches. The free UMMC doctor RV that pulls up every Thursday in Harundale.

McBama has nothing to do with these places. All of their words will not make things better. Humans have the amazing capacity to find the path of least resistance when reaching out to people. The government just gets in our way.