 Bulwer-Lytton Contest Winners :) | |
Someone sent this to me today. Pretty entertaining.
These are the 10 winners of this year's Bulwer-Lytton contest (run by
>the English Dept. of San Jose State University), wherein one writes
>only the first sentence of a bad novel:
>
>
>10.) "As a scientist, Throckmorton knew that if he were ever to break
>wind in the echo chamber, he would never hear the end of it."
>
>9) "Just beyond the Narrows, the river widens."
>
>8) "With a curvaceous figure that Venus would have envied, a tanned,
>unblemished oval face framed with lustrous thick brown hair, deep
>azure-blue eyes fringed with long black lashes, perfect teeth that vied
>for competition, and a small straight nose, Marilee had a beauty that
>defied description."
>
>7) "Andre, a simple peasant, had only one thing on his mind as he crept
>along the East wall: 'Andre creep... Andre creep... Andre creep.'"
>
>6) "Stanislaus Smedley, a man always on the cutting edge of
>narcissism, was about to give his body and soul to a back alley
>sex-change surgeon to become the woman he loved."
>
>5) "Although Sarah had an abnormal fear of mice, it did not keep her
>from eeking out a living at a local pet store."
>
>4) "Stanley looked quite bored and somewhat detached, but then penguins
>often do."
>
>3) "Like an over-ripe beefsteak tomato rimmed with cottage cheese, the
>corpulent remains of Santa Claus lay dead on the hotel floor."
>
>2) "Mike Hardware was the kind of private eye who didn't know the
>meaning of the word 'fear'; a man who could laugh in the face of danger
>and spit in the eye of death -- in short, a moron with suicidal
>tendencies."
>
>AND THE GRAND PRIZE WINNER IS.....
>
>1) The sun oozed over the horizon, shoved aside darkness, crept along
>the greensward, and, with sickly fingers, pushed through the castle
>window, revealing the pillaged princess, hand at throat, crown asunder,
>gaping in frenzied horror at the sated, sodden amphibian lying beside
>her, disbelieving the magnitude of the frog's deception, screaming
>madly, "You lied!" | 
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