interesting read about teenage suicide...

[eris esoteric]

I cannot speak for anyone but myself. What has worked for me won't necessarily work for anyone else.

When I was 18, I was diagnosed with chronic depression. In the next year or so, I tried three, maybe four different anti-depressants.

All of them worked, to a certain degree. They did, indeed, make me stop hurting so much. The problem that I had with them was that, while the pain went away, nothing was there to replace it. At least the pain told me that I was alive. I didn't feel alive when I was taking the meds.

So I stopped taking the meds. I made a conscious decision to WORK IT OUT. I applied myself to understanding how my brain works, how it got triggered, what made me go over the brink, what helped me stop hurting.

I would say that I'm a recovering suicidal. Just like a recovering alcoholic, the basic problem is always there. I'm simply not very attached to my life. I actually did attempt suicide once. The idea has been in my head for a very long time, and it comes out when I'm low and dragged. I have promised myself that I won't kill myself while my motner is still alive.

I know how all that sounds. It's OK, I'm just trying to be honest, because honesty is important in talks like this.

To continue, I spent the next twelve years self-regulating. I had a bona-fide nervous breakdown at least every four years. I learned how to fight it. I learned that sometimes I had to stop fighting and just drop down to bottom and pick myself up.

I learned that, even though I'm a loner by nature, I need friends around me. So I found friends for myself, friends that could deal with the honest fact of the problem and who would be willing to brace me when I went for the bottom. And some of my friends knew that when they had their storms, that I would do exactly the same for them.

I did this for twelve years.

I got tired of fighting. There's that line that you cross sometimes, between conducting an experiment on yourself and actually going out there and fighting your demons. I simply could not do it anymore.

So, I asked my doctor to put me on an anti-depressant. And she did. And lo, did the heavens open up and did the angels sing for joy. I can't even explain the difference. The only thing I can point to is the fact that I don't BROOD anymore. I don't have those conversations with myself when I tell myself what a terrible person I am because of all the terrible things I've done. It's a burden, lifted, disintegrated, gone.

BUT.

The part I haven't talked about much lately is that I've been having trouble at work. I have had four different people go to my boss to tell her that they're troubled, worried, upset, or hurt by my behavior.

At first I tried to blow it off. I tried to explain it away by saying that the people complaining were being over-sensitive. I tried to put it on them instead of myself.

The complaints were that I appear to have mood-swings; that I behave erratically; that I seem to get terribly angry at the smallest things. These things are true things. With the medication, I don't brood anymore, I don't stay angry for years about things. What I do is get terribly angry, snap, and then get over it so fast that I don't even realize that I've acted in a way that can appear to be terribly frightening to someone.

So, on my boss's advice (and I will say this, I know that she does care about me. I do. Sometimes she says things in exactly the wrong way, but I know that she's genuinely worried about me as a person. And I have a suspicion that she's been through a lot of exactly the same stuff that I've been through.) I went into counseling.

Now mind you, I have nothing against counseling. I know that I is a valuable tool for helping people with mental disorders. The problem is that my mother is a psychiatric nurse. As my counselor deduced, I've been therapyized since I was an infant. And I'm still screwed up. But talking to the counselor was a very good thing, because he helped me figure out what the problem was.

I had spent twelve years actively understanding how my brain works. And then I went on medication, expecting it to fix all my problems instantly, even though I consciously knew that that was, at the very least, a misconception.

I got lazy. I almost waited too long to go on the medication, you see? Because I went on it because I was tired of fighting, I wanted it to carry me.

Instead, I have to do it all over again. Learn how my brain works, learn what triggers my bad impulses. Learn to regulate myself.

Radically altering my brain chemistry was not the only answer. It was part of the answer. Learning how to fight the bad impulses was not the only answer, it was part of the answer. The only answer I have come up with is that I have to live a conscious life, aware of myself and how I behave. And sometimes I get tired of having to do that, but that's just too bad, because that is part and parcel of being alive.

So, as I say, I have an answer, but it only works for me. I can hope that my situation mirrors others, and that, by being honest and telling my true story, help others see part of themselves in me. I would like that, truly, because I would like my life to have a point, and if part of that point is I helped other people feel less pain, I will be content.

[AuntieEmma[$]]

Sydney Morning Herald said

TREATMENT with antidepressant drugs appears to reduce the risk of suicide in depressed teenagers and adults, new US research suggests.

The findings from two independent studies - the first of their kind - spurred some psychiatrists to call for the US Food and Drug Administration to reevaluate its warnings about the drugs, which have been blamed for a decline in their use.

The results, published yesterday, are likely to increase the controversy over whether depressed teenagers should routinely be prescribed newer antidepressants like Paxil and Zoloft...

http://smh.com.au/news/world/antidep...050343593.html

[pippadaisy[$]]

Thanks for posting that Emma. I think they need to look at the whole picture.

Meds aren't a quick-fix solution. There is a period when they are first starting to kick in where you are still depressed but have a bit more motivation. That's the risky period. For teens, who are often more impulsive and can't see the bigger picture, that's dangerous.

I agree that there should be a warning, because there should be a great deal of supervision when starting any meds protocol.

[frazzledspice]

Redlass said

OK, it's silly, but I've been letting this thread bug me tonight.

We're long past the point where we say that someone who has leprosy or some other horrid disease is being punished by God. We'd never write a book saying that anyone who died of cancer is damned to eternal hellfire.

So why do we still treat victims of depression and mental illness this way? Do we honestly think that God has so little compassion?

There are some Americans who do not believe that depression and mental illness exist, and that psychology is a pseudo-science designed to give people excuses for what are, truthfully, just sins....

I only heard of this theory a few weeks ago.

While psychology has infiltrated our American Culture, the worst tragedy is its infiltration of the Christian church where it has been synthesized with the teachings of the Bible. To synthesize psychology with the Bible is like putting together devil-worship and Christianity. It is an oxymoron of the highest sort and yet many Christian churches have done just that.

Psychology is a religion based on man's self-centered wisdom whereas true Christianity believes in the sufficiency of God's Word.

http://www.newswithviews.com/Ohara/debbie16.htm

Such a worldview doesn't leave much room for a merciful God, does it?

[eris esoteric]

OK, anybody who's going to equate *any* branch of science to religion has effectively written him or herself off as a complete wackadoo in my book.

[AuntieEmma[$]]

frazzledspice said

There are some Americans who do not believe that depression and mental illness exist, and that psychology is a pseudo-science designed to give people excuses for what are, truthfully, just sins....

I only heard of this theory a few weeks ago.

I had never heard of that theory before.

But I do think that the PRACTICE of psychiatry and psychology are more art than science -- that the underlying science is fairly weak, and is not followed in many cases anyway by practitioners. I DO think psychiatry and psychology are useful, but I guess I agree with the "psychology is sinful" theorists to the extent that I think that people DO sometimes use the notion of brain chemicals as an excuse, as a way to say there is no way to control mood disorders except with drugs. I blame advertising for some of that.

[Helen_B[$]]

We are all responsible to ourselves to take the best care of ourselves that we possibly can. Certainly we should all eat properly, exercise, get enought rest, hang out with positive people, reduce or handle stress in our lives in healthy ways, etc., and in an ideal world this should be enough. In reality, if we need meds to have the ability to do this, we need meds.

Many Christians would not agree that using the principles of psychology in a counseling setting is incompatible with Christian belief. Many churches have counseling departments so that Christians will be able to seek counseling in a setting that supports their faith. Why Am I So Down, When My Faith Should Lift Me Up? is a book written by an MD who supports a broad spectrum of treatment for Christians with mood disorders, including medication. Well-meaning people of faith can excerbate depression and suicidal ideation in themselves or others, because of the idea that Christians who take medication and/or go for counseling show a lack of faith that is shameful, and a weakness.

Depression can be a devastating, isolating illness, wrecking havoc in the lives of individuals and their families. It doesn't help that many of these individuals are intelligent, creative, capable folks--that just makes it worse. Invisible disabilities are very real. People on the outside looking in just don't get it.