Fractured Christmas Carols

[Joubert[$]]

Here for the first time in public are my three favorite fractured Christmas carols, lyric parodies that are required to be sung at least once before the holiday season is complete. I started these around college and have added to them over time. Some find one of these offensive. My belief is in a loving God who has a terrific sense of humor and views me as one of his wayward souls with a bad sense of humor.


The Christmas Song

Chipmunks roasting on an open fire,
rabbit stew boiling in a pot.
Although it's been said many times, many ways,
at Christmas you can eat a lot.

You can eat a lot of

chipmunks roasting (etc.)
On the third time through, swing to "This Is The Song That Never Ends"

Rockin' Jesus - To The Tune of Rockin' Robin

He rock in a manager
All night long
Hoppin' and a-boppin' and a-singin' this song.
All the little animals love to see
Love to see Rockin' Jesus with me.

Rockin' Jesus (rock, whoa-rock)
Rock, rock, rockin' Jesus (rock, whoa-rock)
Hey, Rockin' Jesus now we're really gonna rock 'em tonight.

Every little shepherd, every wise man too
Went to see that baby lying in that zoo
They brought him gifts, they brought him praise
All dem people started the church going craze

Repeat Chorus to Fade

Have Yourself a Merry %!#;! Christmas - Gangster (not Gangsta) mix

Have yourself a merry %!#;! Christmas
Let your heart be light
From now on, our troubles will be out of sight...

Here we are as in olden days
Happy golden days of yore (what the !#%!#'s a yore?)
Fait'ful friens who are dear tuh us,
Gather near tuh us - oncet more.

Troo the years we all we be togethers,
if The Feds allow.
Watch your ass, make sure you shut your mout'
And have yourself a merry %!#;! Christmas now ------


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Okay, your turn. I know some of you are twisted enough to do this.

[hypotenuse]

Beaner and Ken used to play this every Christmas. Don't know if the current DJs for that station will carry on the tradition, but I'll miss it if they don't.


Walkin' Round in Women's Underwear
(sung to the tune of Walking in a Winter Wonderland)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Lacy things - the wife is missin',
Didn't ask - her permission,
I'm wearin' her clothes ,
Her silk pantyhose,
Walkin' round in women's underwear.
In the store - there's a teddy,
Little straps - like spaghetti,
It holds me so tight,
Like handcuffs at night,
Walkin' round in women's underwear.

In the office there's a guy named Melvin,
He pretends that I am Murphy Brown.
He'll say, "Are you ready?" We'll say,"Whoa, Man!"
"Let's wait until our wives are out of town!"

Later on, if you wanna,
We can dress - like Madonna,
Put on some eyeshade,
And join the parade,
Walkin' round in women's underwear!

Lacy things ... Missin',
Didn't ask ... permission,
Wearin' her clothes,
Her silk pantyhose,
Walkin' round in women's underwear,
Walkin' round in women's underwear,
Walkin' round in women's underwear!

[tipu]

There's Walt Kelly's Boston Charlie...

[Magick1]

On of my first "warped" Christmas tunes that I enjoy...

I'm not sure if this is taken off of another "real" Christmas tune, I belive they actually created this song themselves.


Link if you want to hear the midi format...

http://www.night.net/christmas/grandma.html


Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer
(Randy Brooks, 1977)

CHORUS:
Grandma got run over by a reindeer
Walking home from our house Christmas Eve.
You can say there's no such thing as Santa,
But as for me an' Grandpa, we believe.

She'd been drinking too much eggnog,
And we begged her not to go.
But she forgot her medication,
And she staggered out the door
into the snow.

When we found her Christmas morning,
At the scene of the attack
She had hoof prints on her forehead,
And incriminating Claus marks
on her back.

CHORUS



Now we're all so proud of Grandpa,
He's been taking this so well.
See him in there watching football,
Drinking beer and playing cards
with cousin Mel.

It's not Christmas without Grandma,
All the family's dressed in black.
And we just can't help but wonder
Should we open up her gifts
or send them back?
SEND THEM BACK!!!

CHORUS

Now the goose is on the table
And the pudding made of fig (ahhhhh!)
And the blue and silver candles,
That would just have matched the hair
in Grandma's wig.

I've warned all my friends and neighbours,
Better watch out for yourselves.
They should never give a license,
To a man who drives a sleigh
and plays with elves.

Sing it, Grandpa!

CHORUS