Very Important Message from Santa Worm

[theworm[$]]

'Twas the night before Christmas and Santa's a wreck...
How to live in a world that's politically correct?
His workers no longer would answer to "Elves".
"Vertically Challenged" they were calling themselves.

And labor conditions at the north pole
Were alleged by the union to stifle the soul.
Four reindeer had vanished, without much propriety,
Released to the wilds by the Humane Society.

And equal employment had made it quite clear
That Santa had better not use just reindeer.
So Dancer and Donner, Comet and Cupid,
Were replaced with 4 pigs, and you know that looked stupid!

The runners had been removed from his sleigh;
The ruts were termed dangerous by the E.P.A.
And people had started to call for the cops
When they heard sled noises on their roof-tops.

Second-hand smoke from his pipe had his workers quite frightened. His fur
trimmed red suit was called "Unenlightened." And to show you the strangeness
of life's ebbs and flows, Rudolf was suing over unauthorized use of his nose


And had gone on Geraldo, in front of the nation,
Demanding millions in over-due compensation.
So, half of the reindeer were gone; and his wife,
Who suddenly said she'd enough of this life,

Joined a self-help group, packed, and left in a whiz,
Demanding from now on her title was Miz.
And as for the gifts, why, he'd ne'er had a notion
That making a choice could cause so much commotion.

Nothing of leather, nothing of fur,
Which meant nothing for him. And nothing for her.
Nothing that might be construed to pollute.
Nothing to aim. Nothing to shoot.

Nothing that clamored or made lots of noise.
Nothing for just girls. Or just for the boys.
Nothing that claimed to be gender specific.
Nothing that's warlike or non-pacific.

No candy or sweets...they were bad for the tooth.
Nothing that seemed to embellish a truth.
And fairy tales, while not yet forbidden,
Were like Ken and Barbie, better off hidden.

For they raised the hackles of those psychological
Who claimed the only good gift was one ecological.
No baseball, no football...someone could get hurt;
Besides, playing sports exposed kids to dirt.

Dolls were said to be sexist, and should be passe;
And Nintendo would rot your entire brain away.
So Santa just stood there, disheveled, perplexed;
He just could not figure out what to do next.

He tried to be merry, tried to be gay,
But you've got to be careful with that word today.
His sack was quite empty, limp to the ground;
Nothing fully acceptable was to be found.


Something special was needed, a gift that he might
Give to all without angering the left or the right.
A gift that would satisfy, with no indecision,
Each group of people, every religion;

Every ethnicity, every hue,
Everyone, everywhere...even you.
So here is that gift, it's price beyond worth...
"May you and your loved ones enjoy peace on Earth."

Hi Friends!
Well, as you can see above, there is BIG trouble brewing at The Pole. SantaWorm can't allow the Grinch to steal Christmas, so tomorrow morning, early - before the sun rises, I'll be leaving for The Pole in an effort to calm down all of the elves and restore some order.
Never fear! With a little TLC, some christmas cookies and some egg nog, everyone will return to their senses, and Christmas will be saved!
There is a problem though. With all of the ice and snow, internet access at The Pole is rather limited. That means, that SantaWorm may have some problems delivering tomorrows gifts in a timely manner. I promise that all gifts will be delivered by Friday morning at the latest! Just wanted to let you know that there may be a work slow down.
To help ease the pain, Santa Worm will create the Thursday Official Secret Santa thread a bit earlier than usual - that way, some of you can give and get your gifts tonight.
The only thing that I ask, is that on Friday, you all wait to deliver your last gifts and to reveal your identities until all of Thursday's gifts are delivered and acknowledged.
Sound fair?

Thanks!
SantaWorm !santa

[mjfrombuffalo[$]]

works for me

[emeleel]

Okay! Good luck with whatever it really is!

[murasaki]

No problem.

--naomi

[amykhar]

make one of those elves get you a tivo system for Survivor.

Amy

[cristina1]

Sounds good to me.

[mtbat]

no problem-take it easy, take your time

[lynnzop[$]]

:thumbs:

Lynn

[thinkerlady[$]]

Got cha!!!!! No Problem.

Worm, I was thinking of you yesterday. I was introducing the animal kingdom. Vertebrates vs. Invertebrates. I had to show a slide of a dissected worm. Sorry. When I did that, I thought, ewwww,,, my friend. Sorry. But you came to mind. I am warped, I know.

[theworm[$]]

Originally posted by thinkerlady
Got cha!!!!! No Problem.

Worm, I was thinking of you yesterday. I was introducing the animal kingdom. Vertebrates vs. Invertebrates. I had to show a slide of a dissected worm. Sorry. When I did that, I thought, ewwww,,, my friend. Sorry. But you came to mind. I am warped, I know.

Hope it wasn't anyone I know!
LOL!

[sleeper54]

Originally posted by theworm

Hope it wasn't anyone I know!
LOL!

... 'knew' ...

... :-( ...


...confused...

[theworm[$]]

good point!