So Magick, I was thinking of you when I read this and meant to post a link to it for you and forgot. Then I learned that my friend who originally posted this on her blog was asked to take it down after some yutz she works with complained to HR. Which makes no sense since it doesn't reference her company at all. But Lance is her friend and she thought it was funny.
Shoot... I thought it was funny. I was going to post this in the business corridor, but I wasn't sure if everyone looks at those forums.
Therefore, especially for Magick, but for anyone who finds themselves working for an employer they have come to loathe, here are the finer points of...
The CEM (Cash Extraction Mode) According to Lance:
I: Contemplations: (was New Hire) however, I've decided this is a subset of the original name Contemplation: Since even after you first join a company you could be lured away by another company... you are always in Contemplation mode, however, you can move away from happy and exicted newhire stage of contemplation mode to wow I hate my job and I'm going to start looking for a new one mode of the contemplation stage
II: Resignation - Either you have found a new job, or you just can't stand your
existing one anymore and you've decided that your family can survive without your paycheck until you find a new job... either way... you give notice (Note: This is normally a very short stage, sometimes you have to deal with people that you have no respect for try to talk you out of it)
III: Transition - This is the majority of your notification period. This is where you
tell the poor schmuck that the powers that be have decided are going to be taking on your responsibilities what you did for a living (Note: You will never completely transfer all of your knowledge to someone else, it's impossible... make an honest effort at it, but don't put to much work into it... you are leaving afterall, so what the fuck do you care)
IV: Immediate Project Completion - This is where all of the things that either a.) you wanted to get done or b.) the company thought you should get done before you leave fall... work on your priorites first... afterall if the company has goals set that you don't feel like doing... don't do them... what do you care, you are afterall leaving
V: Stageus non-motivationus (a.k.a. Fuck This) - You've given the knowledge that you've deemed important to some poor schumck, you've finished off your priorities, and made an honest effort at the companies priorites... yet your notification period is not yet complete. This is the stage where coming to work before 0900 just really isn't all it's cracked up to be, that along with 2 hour lunches and leaving before 4 are common.
VI: Post Termination Extraction (a.k.a. Consulting) - Remember all that stuff that was stuck in your head that you deemed not important enough to tell the poor schmuck... turns out that they are important... the company will want that information... you should charge them for it
VII: Triumphant Return - So, your new job didn't work out... Your old company realizes what an asset you were and they've met your demands to solve the issues that caused you to leave in the first place. You go back (at a higher salary of course) and proceed to stage VIII
VIII: Repeat
Linear Mode
