When you have nothing nice to say

[theworm[$]]

don't say anything, right?

But there are exceptions. Let's say I make something, or am wearing something or get a haircut and I ask what you really think, and suppose what I made is butt ugly, or the outfit looks really bad on me, or the haircut needs some touch ups - there are nice ways of saying these things - and I DID ask for your opinion.

So - I'm going to put up a hypothetical. Let's say I crocheted something and post a photo, and you think it is hidious. What would you do? I'm thinking most of you wouldn't say anything at all, or would feel comfortable enough to tell me that its not my finest work. Would any of you say how beautiful it is just "to be nice"?

Is it "nice" to compliment something to "be nice" when the compliment is a lie?

[mjfrombuffalo[$]]

It depends. Is it something you made for yourself? If so, those might be colors you love while I would barf if forced to wear the item.

Is it something that took a lot of time to make, or was it a throw-away project? If it looked as though it had been labor-intensive, I'd go more for hinting instead of a direct "yuck!"

see what I mean? There's a contiunuum of how hurt you might be given a bunch of different variables, and trying to be aware of the continuum determines my continuum of possible responses

[theworm[$]]

Ok - so you might say - pink isn't really my color, but I Wow - that looks like it must have been really intricate to make.

Or you might say, "how original" or "how intricate" - which are rather ambigious.

Or you might say nothing at all,

But if I made ....lets say a sweater, and I posted a photo of me in it, and it was butt ugly and made me look twice my size - would you say "that's lovely, you look great, you should be proud" or would you say something like "wow, that must have taken a long time to make!"

I can understand making an effort to not hurt someone's feelings and say nothing or a comment about the work and not the result, but I can't understand fake gushing over something.

[mjfrombuffalo[$]]

Well, given that scenario, I wouldn't gush. I might say it looks like it took a lot of work. I might hint in some ways that it's not perfect for you, if I could find a nice way to do it.


Why, you planning on posting a picture of you in a cat-puke-green sweater or something?

[theworm[$]]

mjfrombuffalo said

Well, given that scenario, I wouldn't gush. I might say it looks like it took a lot of work. I might hint in some ways that it's not perfect for you, if I could find a nice way to do it.


Why, you planning on posting a picture of you in a cat-puke-green sweater or something?

I thought we were making puke 'n poop earrings - not sweaters.

No - on another site people show their crochet work. A girl made a sweater. It's a nice sweater - I'm sure it was a lot of work. It looks awful on her though. The shape is all wrong. And she used a closure that detracted, IMO, from the beauty of her work.

If she had just shot a photo of the sweater, it probably would have been ok. I still think the closure was wrong, but thats a matter of opinion. People were gushing about how great she looked in it. I couldn't do that. I could easily and honestly say that it looks like a lot of work and she should be proud of completing it, but I couldn't say that it looked lovely on her - though it might look lovely on someone else - say...you, MJ. Now I would NEVER post that it looked bad on her, but I wouldn't lie and say it looked great either. I would just comment on her work, which she should be proud of. I would hate for people to tell me that something was great or looked great if it didn't. I would be hurt if someone said something mean, but I'm wondering if people say nice things to be nice even if they're not true. And of course it is possible that these people have a different opinion than I do and really liked the way it looked.

[mjfrombuffalo[$]]

Here I was afraid you'd posted a picture of your crocheting and someone else posted it to the Awful Crochet Site!

[theworm[$]]

Actually, I think I would laugh my butt off if I made that site! I don't think I have the tallent.

[mjfrombuffalo[$]]

Wormie! Don't sell yourself short!

After all, look at the hideous piece of work Lynn came up with for that ugly beading contest!

[theworm[$]]

most of the "hideous" designs are really intricate crochet work gone bad - either too "colorful" or too slutty or just too outrageious. I could pick awful colors, be outrageious and maybe even make a nipple revealing slutty top, but I'm still working on the intricate.

[pippadaisy[$]]

Ask Amy if I've ever posted a compliment for something I didn't like.

Now I want to see the sweater.

[theworm[$]]

I can't show it - that would be mean.

[pippadaisy[$]]

All this does is get me more curious.

[phoenixx]

Awwwww, pleeeeease Wormie?????

[lynnzop[$]]

I think you've replied in the right way. I posted a bracelet I'd worked my ass off on another site and one of the women (who is very good and I admire) said it was nice work, but "the clasp was cheesy" (it was the only part of the piece that wasn't hand tooled). It stung a little, but I think it was more honest than gushing over something that didn't look just right.

I hate false gushing more than anything. And Max is the queen of telling me my food experiements are "interesting", which is her polite way of saying "DON'T MAKE THIS GARBAGE AGAIN".

[Prepoia[$]]

Sometimes I think people should know when to hold them and when to fold them.....

Sometimes I think that if people ask in an unsure way what I think that I'm free to be somewhat honest (if I don't know them very well) in a diplomatic way or completely honest if I know them well.

If they think it's gorgeous, I'm not bursting anyone's bubble.

All depends on the situation and how well I know them and if I can say what I think honestly but nicely.

Oh...and whether they asked or not.

[theworm[$]]

well, I didn't respond at all. The did nice work, but the sweater is butt ugly.